Universestuck, like Literally Stuck In Another Universe
by InfiniteUniverses
Summary: It starts with a dream, where Rose Lalonde warns Steven about her plan to enter his universe and live there, which Steven's pretty much up for. What he wasn't expecting was that he would be dealing with gods, trolls, cherubs, and the Gem's animosity towards the trolls. Everything work out in the end, right? And they kinda have to, because the Sbrub kids have no where else to go.
1. Warnings

AKA "Stopping the Earth from Being Destroyed Twice, Have Fun at Funland, Stopping a Gem-Troll War, Bonding Over Camp Pining Hearts, Putting On a Scavenger Hunt, and Other Things To Do When People From A Destroyed World Enter Your Universe and Can't Leave". This fic is up on Ao3 under that title because I forgot that I had a name for this story but I like that one too. Sadly, FF has a really limited title word count.

So, I hope you guys like this. I just wanted Steven Universe and Homestuck characters interacting a I made this. Also, if something's wrong in terms of Homestuck canon I probably changed it to fit into the story so it's not really a big deal. Well thanks for reading!

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Steven has had surreal dreams before, particularly his encounters with Malachite. All of his dreams like there, where he felt himself communicate with someone who is awake, all happened in one night. He feels it happening again.

Steven finds himself in a strange place, some place he's never seen before. It's definitely not the bottom of the ocean floor, since this place is filled with light. He's standing on the balcony above some sort of black-and-white checkerboard ground. There's some shrubbery and streams, but it looks . . . damaged. The sky is blue, not just any blue but the purest blue sky of a perfect summer day. There are perfect cotton candy clouds too, lazily floating along. Steven thinks he sees something in the clouds, but a voice behind him stops him.

"Ah. You've finally arrived."

Steven turns around. There's a strange girl who looks to be about sixteen sitting at a white table set up for tea. She's wearing an orange dress with a hood currently pulled over. Her dress has a yellow sun on it, but it's not drawn like any other sun Steven's ever seen drawn. The girl pours out two glasses of tea and sets one cup in front of an empty chair. She continues, in a silky and mysterious voice, "I am so glad you could join me. Please, sit down. We have many items of importance to talk about. Over tea of course."

"Uh, okay," Steven walks over and sits down in the empty chair across from the girl, who is currently sipping some of her tea. Steven tries to pick up the cup but it's hot so he settles to wait. He looks up at the girl, and notices she has purple eyes that are almost the same color as Amethyst's stone. There's also something unsettling about this girl to Steven, but maybe it's just she's very mysterious. The girl looks back at him and slightly tilts her head, when Steven realizes the awkward silence.

"Oh! Where are my manners! I'm Steven Universe!" Steven says to fill in the eerie silence of the dream. He holds out his hand and the girl raises a slender hand and lightly shakes it.

"I know," she replies.

"So, uh," Steven suddenly gets a weird vibe from her again. "Who are you?"

"Rose Lalonde, Seer of Light, though I doubt that title means anything to you," the girl replies.

"Rose is a pretty name," Steven says. "It's actually my mom's name!"

"Well I can say I am glad to share a name with a woman as courageous as Rose Quartz," Rose reveals.

"You knew my mom?" Steven gasps.

"I know about your mother, but not much," Rose reveals. "It is rather ironic, though-and not my brother's irony, mind you, actual irony-that while Rose Quartz is the savior of Earth I supposed you could say that I was the destroyer of Earth. Completely on accident though."

"You destroyed Earth?" Steven says is disbelief.

"Not your Earth," Rose clears up. "My Earth. I am from another universe."

"Really?" Steven questions.

"Yes, really. And before you ask about how I destroyed my Earth, I shall tell you," Rose says. "To paraphrase, three of my close friends and I played a game. And here I am now."

"In my dream," Steven says.

"Correct," Rose answers.

"How'd you get in my dream?" Steven asks.

"Rather simple really, I just went to sleep and woke up in a dream bubble. I waited for you to fall asleep and with some help from some ghosts . . . here you are now having tea with me in a memory of Skaia," Rose explains.

"Skaia?" Steven questions.

"This planet we are on right now, but it is not simply a planet, it is a battlefield," Rose explains. "Three years ago, give or take a few days, right here, a battle deciding the fate of our game was held between the forces of Dark and Light, Derse and Prospit. The two sides were supposed to fight until the Black King, the leader of Derse Forces, killed the White King, the leader of the Prospit Forces, and started the Reckoning. Meteors from the Furthest Ring would rain down upon this battlefield and we, as in my friends and myself, would defeat the Black King with the glorious powers we achieved during the game and claim the ultimate prize. Sadly, it did not end like that. In fact, things went horribly, horribly wrong."

"What happened?" Steven asks. Rose reminds Steven more of Pearl than his mom, since she likes to use fancy words and is good at telling stories.

"That was three years ago, it does not matter," Rose chuckles bitter sweetly. "And that's not why you and I are here. There are more important matters to discuss, Steven."

"Like what?" Steven says.

"Like how we tried to win the game," Rose answers. "This is game that has woven together six separate universes, three Earths, two Alternias, and the one where the Cherubs originate from. In the final universe we had to face many more enemies that just the Black King, who as it turns out, is not the final boss at all. We had to face time-traveling leprechauns, three different Jack Noirs, an alien fish empress, and the ultimate boss: Lord English. We defeated the Felt, Lord Jack, Spades Slick, Jack Noir, the Condescion, and even Lord English! Everything was going fine until the ultimate prize was once again pulled from our reach. This was just two days ago."

"What's the ultimate prize?" Steven asks.

"The creation of a universe," Rose reveals.

"So you played this game . . . and you had to fight a lot of bad guys . . . and you won a universe?" Steven checks.

"Yes, the creation of this universe is a part of the game but I am a Light player, not a Space player. When you meet Jade, she can tell you all about her frog-hunting adventures," Rose explains.

"So what happened? Why didn't you win?" Steven asks.

"One technicality or another, we've had too many of those," Rose sighs. She has been keeping a whimsical tone this whole conversation, but she sounds drained and sad. "We've all lost too many people to this game. It felt like there was no hope left. We retreated back onto the vessels we spent three years on to try and figure out how to escape the confines of Paradox Space. Luckily, Jade had an idea. She and Terezi puts their powers together and scoured the wide recesses of the entire multiverse and we found your universe."

"My universe?" Steven questions.

"Yes, you're universe. It's something quite special, in fact," Rose explains. "This is a world where the game doesn't exist, and it has a universe where both Earth _and_ Alternia co-exist, though only peacefully now because neither know of the other's existence. Strangely, your world also has other alien species and planets and fleets of their own, mainly Gem Homeworld. Your Earth is quite different from the one I knew because of Homeworld's influences on the culture and history of the planet."

"How do you know about gems?" Steven questions. "And my mom?"

"All my information about Rose Quartz comes from what I and Terezi can see, we are both Seers after all. My information about Gems come from my non-human friends, they are aliens from a species called Trolls. Apparently, Gems and Trolls had similar goals-to conquer planets in the universe for resources and to colonize-which means that they were at odds with each other. They both have sizable armies, are races bred for battle, and won't dare to attack the other's home planet because they aren't sustainable for the other's purpose anyways."

"I didn't know that," Steven says.

"I suppose that Trolls are like . . . annoying bugs to the Gems," Rose laughs at a joke Steven doesn't get. "And Gems to trolls are, well to paraphrase my friend in a more suitable manor for yourself, 'major pains in the buttocks'."

Steven laughs at 'buttocks' and Rose waits until he's done.

"But the real reason why we like your universe is the lack of the game that has plague all our lives for the past three years," Rose gets back on topic. "We devised a plan, to aim for this universe and hopefully live out the rest of our days in peace. We both have vessels that have withstood the path of travelling through space before, so it would not be a problem to do it again. However, we thought it would be impolite to barge in without asking . . . permission first and you are one of Earth's protectors after all."

"Uh, I think I would need permission from the other Crystal Gems before I agree," Steven says. "We are all Earth's protectors."

"I suppose but only you have the ability to enter the dream bubbles, Steven. It would be hard to pull them in or even communicate with them," Rose answers. "Plus, you can tell the Gems. Regardless of their decision, we have already made ours. We have nowhere else to go and we can hardly sustain ourselves on this Meteor and Ship for any longer. We will be coming to your universe, we just figured we should give you a heads up."

"Then what was that thing about asking permission?" Steven questions.

"To be polite and in hopes that we wouldn't have the reveal that information," Rose explains. "But that's not the least of our worries. As I said before, Gems and Trolls hold many animosities towards each other because of their antagonizing competition in the colonization of the universe. They hold rather unflattering opinions of each other, and while our Trolls have promised to be nice, your Gems may not be so."

"But the Crystal Gems are great! They wouldn't hurt anyone unless they thought it would hurt humans or the Earth!" Steven insists.

"Exactly," Rose agrees. "My Troll friends said that the Gems looked at their kind as bloodthirsty monster who only longed for battle and were crude. Now I will admit that from what I heard, some of the trolls I know could have lived up to that standard, but now they all want a more human lifestyle. They don't want to fight anymore, since that lifestyle of serving under Her Imperious Condescion would lead to death. They'd rather live. We're afraid the Gems won't accept them, even under these terms. We're all still young, only sixteen."

"I'll make sure nothing happens to them!" Steven promises. Rose's explanation almost made him cry, and he would do anything to give these Trolls a chance to live!

"Thank-you," Rose says. Her voice changes from the whimsical tone again, into one of relief. "These trolls have come to be some of my dearest friends over the past three years, well . . . some of them. One, Kanaya, is my girlfriend. I've always wished to show her all the wonders about Earth."

"That's so romantic!" Steven gushes.

"So thank-you for accepting us into your home, your universe, Steven Universe," Rose says. She lets out a bittersweet chuckle before removing her hood. She has shoulder-length pale blond hair held back by a golden hairband and Steven can truly see how dazzling her lilac eyes are-just like Amethyst's Gem. Rose looks at her tea before she says, "It may not look like it, but I feel like we have much in common Steven. Your optimism would probably go better with John, but I still feel some connection."

"Like what?" Steven asks. He knows nothing about Rose, so he wants to hear what she has to say.

"We both aren't completely human, not anymore for me at least," Rose explains. "We're both somewhat outcasts with normal human society. That gem on your navel sets you apart and I, well I was a strange girl. Not many shared my interests. We both lost our mothers."

"Your mom's dead?" Steven asks, his voice suddenly getting small.

"Yes, she died three years ago, here. Can't you see her?" Rose asks in a somber tone.

Steven blinks and suddenly, there's blood. Blood covering the table, blood running over the black and white tiles of the battle field, blood flowing out of the woman on the ground right in front of him. She looks a lot like Rose, just with pointier hair and older. Her pink scarf is covered with blood. There's a white fedora on the ground closer to Steven, now stained red. He looks down and he's standing over a bald man with a pointy nose, his pristine white clothes doused in blood, all pouring for the multiple sword wounds in his chest. Steven gets a flash of Holo-Pearl stabbing Pearl. He looks up at Rose, getting dizzy.

She stands up and pulls her hood back over her head. Rose speaks in the same somber tone, "I'm sorry our meeting had to end like this Steven Universe. The Skaian Battlefield is never a nice place to visit after the battle's over. So many pawns lost their lives out on the chessboard. Unlike the usual fashion of the game, the pawns of both sides rallied together to fight the Black Queen, but most, if not all, met their end at the hands of Jack Noir, just like my mother and John's father."

Steven can't form words, he's overwhelmed by grief for Rose's mother and John's dad, though he's never met John. He can only think of Pearl poofing, Garnet splitting up, and Amethyst's gem cracking. He's imagining something much worse happening to his dad when they fought Lapis than just a broken leg, something happening to Connie as they fought side by side.

"Don't let your darkest fears get to you," Rose advises. "I learned that, right here. You will wake up soon and you must immediately get the Crystal Gems, wait . . . they will come to you. At the crack of dawn you will be able to see the Golden Battleship, if it is just a speck. That ship contains the first batch of humans and consorts. Jade should be able to slow it down, but if not you must be prepared. I will arrived by meteor in three days with my brothers, the trolls, and some others. Hopefully Jade will have recovered by then to slow us down, but we have Aradia and Sollux with us just in case. Thank-you for your time Steven Universe. Wake up."

Steven jolts out of bed in a cold sweat. He clutches his heart under his pajama shirt, wishing his heart beat would slow down. He looks around and he's back in his room. There's no checkerboard battlefield, there was no blood, there's no Rose.

Or at least Rose Lalonde. The picture of his mom, Rose, is still there.

"Steven!" Pearl runs up the steps to the loft. "I heard you mumbling in your sleep, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Steven says, his heart is still racing. "I had a dream like the ones with Lapis and Malachite!"

"Did you learn anything else?" Pearl asks expectantly.

"No, I wasn't with Malachite in the dream. I was with this human girl named Rose Lalonde," Steven explains. "We were on this plant that was a checkerboard and we had tea and she was telling me that she played this game that destroyed her universe and now her and her friends are coming here!"

"Steven, that sounds a bit like a wild dream," Pearl says.

"No! It wasn't!" Steven insists. "It felt just like Malachite dreams! Rose said that some of her friends would be coming in on a golden battleship today! At dawn! You have to trust me!"

Pearl pauses to think it over for a moment, "We should get Garnet and Amethyst."


	2. The Earth Is Almost Destroyed

They have their meeting in the usual spot at the kitchen counter. Steven begins to retell his dream to the Gems, making sure to leave out the parts about all the blood and any mentions of Trolls (since according to Rose, they won't have very nice opinions about them and Steven feels like first impressions should do the talking).

By the time Steven's done the sun has started to rise.

"This is all so . . . strange," Pearl says. "We have no proof that this Rose Lalonde person is telling the truth and means us well."

"I know she is!" Steven claims. "When she was talking about how they didn't win she sounded sad and tired, and it sounded like she really just wanted to live on earth again!" Steven recalls their short conversation about Kanaya, but once again, didn't mention it. "And besides she's a human and we're supposed to protect all humans! I think that even means humans from another Earth!"

"But didn't she state in your dream she wasn't completely human?" Pearl questions.

"What else could she be? Steven said she looked perfectly normal," Amethyst points out.

"Well she had purple eyes," Steven says. "But I think she's at least 80% human."

"Do you see anything Garnet?" Pearl asks. Garnet hasn't said anything since Steven began talking.

"I think we should test Steven's claim," Garnet says. "Didn't you say that this battleship would be arriving today at the crack of dawn?"

"Yeah and it's-" Steven looks outside the window, and sees the faintest bits of light as the sun rises and the world slowly illuminates. "A little bit past the crack of dawn! C'mon guys!"

Steven bolts out of the house and flies down the steps to the beach.

"Steven wait!" Pearl yells as the Crystal Gems follow him. They take a short-cut and jump down from the deck onto the beach next to Steven as he stares up at the sky, squinting.

"Do you guys see anything?" Amethyst asks.

"No," Steven sighs. He squints harder when he feels a gust of wind on his back. "Amethyst, will you stop breathing down my back?"

"Dude, I'm nowhere near you," Amethyst replies.

Steven looks down from the sky to see Garnet and Pearl next to him, and Amethyst next to Garnet. He still feels the breeze behind him, but he didn't feel any wind before. Steven decides to turn around and he suddenly sees the bluest eyes he's ever seen.

"AHH!" Steven jumps back in surprise, right into Garnet who catches him. Pearl and Amethyst instinctually draw their weapons as this new arrival laughs.

He looks to be about the same age as Rose, sixteen, and has windswept black hair. He has square glasses to frame his pure blue eyes and a buck-tooth grin. He's wearing a light blue tee-shirt with two blue squiggly-lines on them, blue pants, and yellow shoes. He has a hood like Rose, but the blue hood looks more like a windsock since it's so long. The strangest thing is that the boy's levitating in the air, blue wind swirling around his feet and hands to keep him afloat.

"Sorry 'bout that," the boy apologizes as he comes over himself.

"Who are you!?" Pearl demands.

"I'm John Egbert!" the boy say enthusiastically. "Heir of Breath!"

"Uh . . . what?" Amethyst asks.

"It's just a title," John explains. "It basically means I got a lot of cool powers-like the windy thing!"

To demonstrate, John flips over in the air, his hood following him like a ballerina ribbon.

"Are you Rose's friend?" Steven asks as Garnet lets go of him.

"Yeah!" John replies. "So she managed to contact you?"

"In my dreams last night," Steven replies. He remembers seeing John's dad dead on the ground, but he decides to not bring that up.

"So that means you're Steven Universe!" John says. "And these are the Crystal Gems!"

"You know about us?" Pearl asks cautiously.

"Not a lot. Just what Terezi and Rose saw," John explains. "Anyway, so you know that the Prospitian Battleship is comin' in hot, right?"

"Prospitian?" Amethyst questions.

"Well, that really just means that it's gold," John says, sticking his tongue out.

"So where is it?" Steven asks as he looks right back up at the sky.

"Right up there!" John leans over Steven and points up at a small dot. "My sister Jade's up there with the Alpha Kids, the Sprites, and consorts! Oh, and the Felt. Jade's trying to slow the ship down with her Witch of Space powers but we kinda gave it a super boost to get here quick. The last trip we took like that lasted three years and we were all kinda anxious to just get this whole thing over with."

"How fast is it going?" Pearl asks.

"Uh, pret-ty fast," John explains. "Jade says that it's going fast enough that if it's not stopped, it would completely obliterate the Earth."

The Gems gasp.

"Yeah," John agrees. "Not good. But that's why I'm down here and not up there!"

"How did you even get down here?" Amethyst asks.

"I've got cool teleporting powers after I stuck my hand through a window!" John explains. He suddenly pops out of existence and reappears in front of the ocean. "And so I teleported down here to make a huge wind vortex to help stop the ship!"

"Will that work?" Pearl checks.

"Hopefully," John says. "So . . . I'm gonna get started on that."

John flies up towards the sky and pulls a colorful hammer out of thin air, almost like how the Gems summon their weapons but it didn't look like he actually summoned it from anywhere. He begins to spin it around as he gets ready.

"So, it looks like my dream was real," Steven says smugly as his initial shock of John's appearance has settled.

"It seems so," Garnet says.

"What are we going to do if they can't stop the ship?" Pearl asks, beginning to panic slightly. "It will destroy Earth!"

"Garnet can always throw me at it," Amethyst suggests.

"Or Rose's Light Cannons," Garnet adds.

"We can't destroy the ship! There are people on it!" Steven objects.

"Well maybe they can evacuate," Pearl suggests. She looks up to John, who is still preparing to summon his windstorm. "John, was it!?"

John turns around, "Yeah?!"

"We need to devise a plan if your ship does not slowdown in time!" Pearl shouts. John pauses his hammer swinging and floats back down.

"Well, we've got some other tricks up our sleeves but if you've got a plan that would be great," John says with a smile.

"Great . . . now how fast can you evacuate your ship?" Pearl asks.

"Uh . . ." John pauses for a moment. "I don't think we can do that."

"How many people do you have up there?" Amethyst asks.

"Well, seven humans including me and Jade but Jade's outside the ship and I'm here so I guess five, five sprites, the fourteen members of the Felt, and . . . a lot of consorts. Oh! A Casey's undead army of skeletons."

"Sprites?" Pearl questions.

"Consorts?" Amethyst asks.

"Undead army?" Steven says with his eyes sparkling. He's been watching too much Ninja Zombie Warriors.

"Yeah, undead army," John covers that first of all the topics. "I didn't teach Casey how to be a necromancer but somehow Rose managed to teach a salamander how to raise the dead."

"A . . . salamander?" Pearl questions.

"Yeah, the salamanders were the consorts of my world. Rose had turtles, Dave had crocodiles, and Jade had iguanas. They're all on the ship and we would need Jade to get them off, probably by sending them back to their planets and Jade can do that in a flash, but she would have to stop focusing on the ship," John explains. "And the sprites are . . . eh, you'll see."

"Unless your ship crashes," Garnet points out.

"Yeah," John agrees. "Well, I should get on with doing the windy thing."

"So evacuation of your ship is out of the question?" Pearl checks.

"Yes," John answers. "Why? What were you gonna do? Blow it up?"

"Maybe," Pearl says with her nose raised in the air.

"Well, that may work but then you'd have to deal with all of the debris still going at the same speed crashing into spots all around the east coast of the United States!" John points. "So then, it wouldn't really work . . ." John pauses. "Well, onto the windy thing!"

John turns around to float back up when they all notice the green squares in the sky that were being formed and then destroyed as the ship blasts through them.

"What's that!?" Amethyst panics, since the last time an ominous green thing had appeared in the sky, they were all captured and were going to be brought back to Homeworld.

"Roxy!" John says excitedly. "She's trying to slow the ship down by creating a bunch of generic objects!"

"So is this one of your 'tricks up your sleeves'?" Pearl questions.

"Yeah. Jake's next if it come to it," John says. "But I really should be doing the windy thing."

John leaves again, floating up and begins to spin his hammer around. Blue gusts of wind begin to form around him, picking up sand and water as it gets stronger and stronger. A vortex starts to form, and John points it right at the incoming ship. It continues to grow and grow and grow.

"I hate feeling helpless like this," Amethyst grumbles as she kicks the sand. All of their eyes are focused on John and the growing yellow dot.

"We just have to trust that John and his friends can do this," Garnet states.

"But who are they?" Pearl asks. "They aren't humans-how can they do this? Summoning wind, creating objects, slowing down a giant ship that could crash through the Earth!?"

"Well, they need our help, and John and Rose were friendly," Steven argues. "And they don't want to destroy the Earth-they're from an Earth and they just want to live on Earth again!"

"That doesn't mean we should completely trust them," Pearl points out.

"I CAN HEAR YOU GUYS, Y'KNOW!" John shouts. "EVEN OVER THIS WIND!"

Pearl, Amethyst and Steven share an embarrassed look with each other, while Garnet remains completely stoic.

"AND STEVEN'S RIGHT! EARTH USED TO OUR HOMES-EVEN IF IT WASN'T THIS EARTH!" John continues. "WE DON'T WANT TO DESTROY IT, WE WANT TO LIVE HERE AND HAVE NORMAL LIVES LIKE NORMAL HUMANS! THOUGH I DOUBT ANY OF US WERE EVER NORMAL ACTUALLY. I WAS A WEIRD KID."

"See?" Steven points out to Pearl.

It's silent after that, only in terms of conversation. It certainly wasn't silent at all in general. John's 'windy thing' sounded like a tornado mixed with a hurricane, and by now it was three times the size of Beach City. Steven has to wonder what the people in the town think. Have they evacuated? Steven wouldn't know, he wouldn't be able to hear the sirens over the deafening wind. What does his dad think is happening? What does Connie think is happening? Steven just hopes that they aren't worrying too much. Or maybe he's worrying too much?

As the ship gets closer a new force is working to stop it: white beings that look somewhat humanoid wrapping around the hull of the ship and pushing against it. It actually just looks like a bunch of white engulfing the front of the ship but John shouts, "JAKE! HE'S SUMMONED HIS HOPE BEINGS!"

"Hope beings?!" Steven asks.

"YEAH. THEY'RE BASICALLY ANGELS I GUESS," John replies.

The wind continues to grow larger and larger. Giant barriers of green made up of tiny blocks appears every so often, but the ship just blasts through. The white angels push against the hull, along with a little black spec that's growing clearer every moment. John's wind vortex continues to spread outwards, preparing to catch the ship and push against it.

By the time the sun's high in the sky, the ship impacts with John's vortex, which is miles above Beach City. John's pushed down to the ground of the beach, his feet touching the sand, as he pushes against the ship. Green blocks start to appear on the beach around the Gems as some type of cushion for the ship, or maybe to try and protect them. Over the winds they can hear the even louder screeching of the angels helping push against the ship. In front of it all is a girl dressed in black with red shoes standing right next to the bow of the ship, still concentrating on holding it up. On the deck are two human figures, one in dark blue and the other in yellow. The dark blue one seems to be creating the green squares, so the yellow one is controlling the angels.

The strong winds that had accumulated within the last hour start to weaken until they suddenly all fade. John drops to his knees, the girl in black lets down her arms, and the angels retreat back into the boy in yellow.

The ship floats, no longer threatening to obliterate the Earth.

The Gems let out the breath they had been holding in, now that the Earth is safe. Well, hopefully. They still have to deal with these kids . . . and all of these green cubes.

"WE DID IT!" the girl in blue, who must be Roxy, shouts as she jumps off the ship. The boy in yellow, who must be Jake, follows suit. The girl in black, Jade, floats down from her position of holding up the ship next to John, and crashes in the sand next to him. They're both completely drained, but seem to have enough energy to fist-bump.

Roxy and Jake run up to the two, quickly hugging them though they look tired as well. Two other humans-a boy in pink and a girl in tan-appear from the ship and joins the other four. They join the group hug and are all laughing and celebrating since they didn't destroy the Earth.

Steven begins to walk over to formally introduce himself, but Garnet stops him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Give them a moment," Garnet advises.

Steven watches as the group hug breaks apart and they all fall into the sand of the beach. They're all catching their breathing as the last breaths of their laughter fade out. Steven looks up at Garnet and she nods, so Steven runs over.

"Hey!" Steven shouts as he joins the ground of teenagers. The boy in pink and the girl in tan have enough energy to lift their heads, but everyone else seems exhausted. "Hi! I'm Steven Universe! And you guys are from another universe, so welcome to Earth! Or this Earth at least. From what it sounds like, you're from another Earth."

"Two different Earths actually, hoohoohoo," the girl in tan laughs as she sits up and holds out her hand. She has short-cut hair and a buck-tooth grin like John. Her outfit has two green squiggles similar to John's, but these are vertical instead of horizontal. Her eyes are turquoise, and the strange color reminds him of Rose's eyes. "Jane Crocker, nice to meet you Steven Universe."

"And two different time periods," the boy in pink adds as Steven and Jane shake hands. He has spikey blond hair and pointed sunglasses. He has poofy pants and his shirt has a heart symbol on it. He reminds Steven of Buck, but that's probably just the glasses and the stoic appearance. "Dirk Strider."

"I suppose it would be rude to not introduce ourselves, wouldn't you say Roxy?" Jake asks Roxy as they lay on the beach. Jake is wearing a golden outfit that has a white wings-like symbol on it and golden speedo shorts. He has messy hair like John, has a buck-tooth grin like John, but Jake's tanner and has forest green eyes.

"Jakey I'm just too tireeed," Roxy says. She has stark blond hair like Rose, and the pointed tips of her hair remind Steven of the hairstyle he saw on Rose's mom. Steven quickly pushes that though out of his mind. She has pink cotton-candy eyes like Lion's fur and Steven decides that she looks a lot like Rose, which means they must be sisters or something. Her dark blue outfit has a symbol of six curves spread out in a circle.

"Then we'll take care of it, you four deserve your rest," Jane says.

"Yeah, Heart and Life powers aren't that useful for slowing down space travel," Dirk adds.

"So those two are Jake English and Roxy Lalonde," Jane begins.

Steven turns to Roxy, "So is Rose your sister?"

"Hhm," Roxy pauses for a moment. "Not really. But let's not get into ectobiological talks now we just got here."

"And you've met John," Jane continues.

"Hey," John weakly greets.

"And our final member is Jade Harley," Jane introduces Jade. Jade's starting fall asleep in the sand, her black dress splayed out and absorbing the sun. She has long, tangled black hair that have white dog ears sticking out of them. Steven thinks they're fake at first, but then one of them twitches. She has circular glasses and Steven can only guess what color her eyes are. Her symbol is a white one that has six curves but all of them are closer and touch at the center.

"Now, you wouldn't have any food, would you?" Jake asks.

"Man, I would give anything to get some non-alchemized food," John seems to wake up a bit at the mention of food. "As long as it's not Better Crocker."

"Yeah, fuck the Batterwitch," Roxy agrees. Steven cringes when he hears her swear, and hopes the Crystal Gems didn't overhear.

"I have food in the house, and I haven't had breakfast yet," Steven answers.

"Then we'll talk over breakfast," Jane says. "We have a lot to discuss after all."


	3. Strange Kids

Greg is used to Gem stuff. He's been around the Gems for the last thirty years and he's seen his fair share of weird: gem monsters, gems who stole the entire ocean, a giant hand attacking the city . . . this is new though.

He woke up to the sirens blaring in the city, but he could barely hear them over the deafening noises of wind. He got out of his van to find a swirling vortex of blue right next to the temple and what looked like a golden ship heading straight towards the Gems. Greg hopped right into the front seat of the van and started to make his way to the beach, but it was hard with everyone evacuating. By the time he got to the beach, the blue had disappeared and now there is a giant, golden battleship floating in the sky right over the temple. Also, the Gems and Steven are nowhere to be seen.

So Greg really isn't having a good morning.

Greg first decides to check the house before trying out the mysterious gold ship. He bursts into the house, panicking, "STEVEN! GARNET PEARL AMETHYST! IS EVERYONE OKAY!?"

Greg then finds Steven and the Gems are having a nice breakfast with four strangers.

Wait make that six there's two sleeping on the couch.

Everyone's frozen as Greg looks around. All of these new arrivals seem to be wearing colorful pajamas with strange symbols and hoods. Three of them are sitting at the counter with Steven while the Gems hang out behind them, one's making breakfast, and two are asleep on the couch.

"Hi Dad!" Steven greets Greg.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!? WHAT WAS THE BLUE THING!? WHAT'S THAT GOLDEN SHIP!?" Greg continues to panic.

"Oh, sorry," the girl cooking apologizes. "That's our ship."

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE!?" Greg then adds.

"That's Jane," Steven points to the girl cooking, and then moves onto those next to him. "This is Dirk, Roxy and Jake, and then the kids asleep on the couch are John and Jade. They're all from another universe!"

They all lapse into another silence.

"Does someone want to tell me what's going on?" Greg sighs.

Steven and the Gems fill Greg in, starting with Steven's dream to now, where Jane's making everyone breakfast. The 'Alpha Kids', as Jane, Roxy, Dirk and Jake refer to themselves as, interject at certain points in the story to clear a few things up, but many things are still unclear.

"-and then Jane offered to make us breakfast!" Steven finishes up as a stack of pancakes are placed in front of him. Jane hands out more plates to the other Alpha kids, as well as Amethyst and Greg. She quickly goes back to work to make breakfast for John and Jade, who are still sleeping.

"So you guys are from another universe-" Greg recaps.

"Two different worlds. Actually, three, but let's not go into that," Dirk corrects Greg.

"They all got destroyed, and you came here because it didn't have this 'game'," Greg says.

"Yes," Jane answers.

"So what exactly happened in this game?" Pearl asks. They're finally getting to the real questions after catching up.

"Well, it started when John, Jade, Rose and Dave played a game. For the sake of not having to repeat their names every time, we'll just call them the Beta Kids," Jane begins.

"So the Beta Kids played Sburb," Roxy picks up. "Which is a rly confusin' game where the goal is to make an entire universe. You also end up makin' yourself and your parents in the whole process but we'll talk 'bout that later."

"So they played the game, but the game initiates the destruction of Earth," Dirk continues. "The Beta Kids made it into the Incinisphere where the game was played, but the rest of the Earth was destroyed in a Meteor apocalypse."

The Gems, Steven and Greg all stare at the Alpha Kids. They don't seem to have any emotions about the Earth being destroyed, either having to come to terms with it or actually not caring.

"That's horrible!" Steven bursts.

"Earth being destroyed is supposed to be a universal constant," Dirk says. His monotone voice slightly wavers. "But this Earth is an anomaly. Aradia said she believes it to be so because it is a sort of . . . amalgam of all the universes that have played this game."

"So more than you guys played Sburb?" Amethyst asks.

"Yes," Jake answers. "In fact, during both of our sessions our groups were in contact with people who have played the game or were going to play it. The Beta Kids had the delight of conversing with the spiffy beings who made their universe, while we had two cherubs as our guides."

"They weren't really guides," Dirk points out. "One of them turned out to be Lord English."

Greg swears he heard that name in the explanation, but he was given so much information at once he probably quickly forgot it. It doesn't sound good though.

"And the other one is Callie, who's rly fuckin amazin'," Roxy argues. The Gems and Steven flinch at the swear, but Greg had quite the foul-mouth in his youth so it doesn't really faze him. What does upset him is that Steven hears it.

"Uh, maybe you should watch the language around the kid," Greg advises.

"Alrighty no more swears from me," Roxy says and she pretends to zip her mouth shut.

"So back to the Beta Kids. The Earth was destroyed, and they were sent to the Incinisphere. Right off the bat there was something wrong with their game," Jane focuses everyone again. "Their session was barren and the battle of Skaia didn't go quite as planned. They ended up creating a powerful being called Jack Noir who has the powers of a First Guardian."

"So cuz their session was jacked up-see no swearin' here-they initiated somethin' called the Scratch which reset their universe and made ours!" Roxy explains.

"So the Beta Kids got out of their universe and traveled to our universe-which took three years," Dirk continues. "And finally, they got to our universe which had a problem of its own."

"None of our sprites were prototyped before we enter the Incinisphere, so the left Skaia at its most basic state," Jake adds.

"Instead of the Black King, we had Lord English. And then there was also HIC and those three Jacks," Roxy adds.

"So once the Beta Kids got to our universe, some stuff went down, John and Roxy arrived-" Dirk continues.

"Wasn't John with the Beta Kids? And Roxy, weren't you with the Alpha Kids?" Pearl checks.

"Oh noes, me and Johnny are from a Doomed Timeline, but as it turns out, we're the Alpha versions of ourselves anyways," Roxy explained.

"Our Roxy and John died," Jane says somberly.

"So you just replaced yourselves?" Greg asks, a bit weirded out by this.

"We're still the same people, give or take a few different experiences, and we were supposed to be there as the Alphas," Roxy explains.

"And besides," Dirk grimly adds. "They're not dead."

"And then we all got together to strife with the ghastly figures that were threatening our game!" Jake jumps right into the action. "I faced off against the Felt with some help from Janey and an undead army! Dirk, Dave and Terezi fought Lord Jack and Spades Slick; Roxy, Rose, John, Jane, and Kanaya defeated the Batterwitch; and an army of ghost grappled with Lord English until he was down!"

"And yet, even then, we still couldn't win," Jane says.

"Yes, the game was still blundered," Jake continues. "And we were left on the Golden Battleship and the Meteor when Jade and Terezi found this place."

"With nowhere else to go, we came here," Jane concludes. "And, well, here we are."

"Thanks for havin' us," Roxy adds.

"So, you're stuck here?" Pearl clears.

"Yeah, guess you could say we're," Dirk pauses. "Homestuck."

An awkward pause follows, as Greg does not get the joke. The other Alpha Kids scoff and roll their eyes.

"Uh . . ." Steven speaks up. "I don't get it."

"It's an inside joke," Dirk explains.

"So where are your guardians?" Greg asks now that they were done answering one question. That had been something that was plaguing his mind. This kids can't be any older than sixteen, maybe seventeen, but he didn't hear anything about their parents.

"My dad's on the ship making sure nothing gets out of hand up there. There's a lot of consorts on the ship, and there's the Felt too," Jane explains.

"The rest of our guardians died well before we played the game," Dirk says. His monotone voice is unsettling to Greg, but especially now where he should feel something.

"What?" Steven says sadly. His eyes are starting to water. The Gems look worriedly at the Alpha Kids, but they don't look like they're going to step up to comfort them.

"Jade's grandpa died when she was young, but John's, Rose's and Dave's guardians died in the game, killed by Jack Noir," Jane says.

"My grandma died when I was young. I cremated her on the island we were living on," Jake says sadly, looking down at his plate of pancakes.

"Roxy and I never met our guardians. They mysteriously disappeared long before we were on Earth," Dirk continues.

"Then . . . how were you born?" Pearl asks. The gems know well enough about how humans are made, since Greg and Rose made a child. They ended up having to explain the whole process to the other Gems, and it was a bit . . . awkward. Greg would not make a good health teacher.

"We were made through the means of ectobiology, and as the expert, I shall tell you everything!" Roxy announces. "So, during Johnny's session, he ended up going to a meteor where there was a bunch of scientifical equipment. One of those was a transportalizer, which is basically a teleportation system and looks kinda like that but is has a weird funky shape on it," Roxy points to the warp pad.

"You had warp pads?" Pearl asks.

"Honey I made transportalizers, or warp pads, or whatever, in my free time before the game," Roxy says. "So Johnny started using this machinery and pin-pointed on his guardians, specifically John's nanna, Rose's mom, Dave's Bro, and Jade's Grandpa. He tried to transportalize them but since they were already interacting people, it would create a paradox if he actually transportalized them to the Meteor, so instead he created paradox slime. With the paradox slime from the four guardians, he made baby us!"

"Wait, you guys?" Steven checks.

"Yep, that's where we were "born" right up in that Meteor," Roxy confirms.

"So you're Rose's mom?" Steven checks and Roxy nods her head. He points at Jane, "And you're John's nanna?"

"Not quite," Jane says. "Technically, I'm his biological mother."

"And I'm biologically John and Jade's dad!" Jake adds.

"Wha?" Steven asks. Greg would ask the same thing he's really confused. He looks over at the Gems: Pearl is focusing on Roxy's words, Amethyst is eating pancakes, and Garnet actually looks confused even though her stance is completely stoic.

"But wait, there's more!" Roxy interjects. "After making baby us, Johnny then combinded me and Dirk's paradox slimes, and Jake's and Jane's to create the Beta kids. Rosie and Dave are me and Dirk's biological kids and Johnny and Jade are Jakey and Janey's."

"How are you all the same age then?" Amethyst asks. As it turns out, she was paying attention.

"Well in the Beta universe, baby us were sent into the beta kids's past," Roxy explains. "Jake and Janey ended up further past in time than me and Dirk. Jane's son raised John as his son, Jake raised Jade as his granddaughter, Dirk raised Dave as his little bro, and I raised Rosie as my daughter. When the Scratch was initiated, John and Jade were sent back in place of Jane and Jake, while they came to the present. Jade raised Jake, and Johnny had Jane's Dad who raised her."

"Which I think technically makes my dad my grandson but . . . I'm not going to think about that," Jane adds.

"Dave and Rose were sent back in place of me and Dirk, but me and Dirk got sent to the far future," Roxy continues.

"Dave and Rose prepared for us, and set up house with enough food and water for us to live," Dirk explains.

"I think there was more than enough water Dirky," Roxy comments.

"In fact, we were so far into the future, we were the only humans left," Dirk explains. "By then, the entire Earth had been flooded and destroyed from the meteor showers caused by Jake and Jane entering the Incinisphere, as well as the Batterwitch deciding to just flood the Earth."

"And that's how we're all related, but we've all just decided to refer to each other as siblings," Jake concludes. "Except for Jane's dad. He says he's adopting all of us."

"Yeah, Dad Crocker's a riot," Roxy laughs.

"Roxy," Jane pauses her pancake making. "I think my dad seriously meant it."

"Oh."

"So if you were made in a lab through ectobibliography-" Steven starts.

"Biology, Steven," Pearl corrects.

"Then are you humans? Or something else?" Steven finishes.

"Our DNA's human," Roxy confirms.

"But I think we're technically gods now," Dirk answers.

"G-gods!?" Greg chokes on his pancakes.

"Like the human mythological figures?" Pearl asks. "But they're just, myths! Humans created them to try and explain natural phenomenon they couldn't explain themselves! In fact, some humans thought we were gods!"

"No, we really are gods," Jane confirms. "During the games, we all died on our quest tablets, or beds, and we achieved god tier."

"And we got these spiffy outfits!" Jake says as he stands up on his stool. Greg almost chokes on his pancakes again. Jake's wearing a golden speedo that shows off his . . . assets and smooth legs. Sadly, Jake's . . . assets were right in front of Pearl's face.

"Please sit down," Pearl almost growls. Jake doesn't seem to notice her animosity but sits down anyways.

"And we gots all these hella cool powers," Roxy adds.

"But we can die," Dirk points out. "Only is our deaths are heroic or just though."

"Otherwise, we come right back," Roxy continues. "Like times there's no other way out of it." Roxy casts a sly grin towards Dirk and winks.

"Roxy," Dirk says. "There was no other way out of it. I had to be decapitated."

"You said 'you too' when Nannasprite said 'enjoy your meal'!" Jane shouts. "There's no need for you to be decapitated!?"

"And then there was that time John told a pun!" Jake adds. "And I don't understand your repulsion towards them-John's joke are real ripsnorters!"

"There was no other way out of it!" Dirk raises his voice.

"You decapitated yourself four times in the past _three days_!" Jane stresses.

Luckily, before any more discussion about Dirk's decapitation issues, there was a distraction.

"AHHH!" Jade runs out of the bathroom, though she was asleep moments before. She has an angry look on her face as she shouts, "THERE'S A . . . LITTLE MONSTER HIDING IN THE BATHTUB AND IT FUCKING WHISPERED IN MY EAR WHILE I WAS TRYING TO PISS!"

"STEVEN!" Peridot runs out of the bathroom and slams into Jade. "WHO ARE ALL THESE STRANGE PEOPLE?! WHY DOES THIS ONE HAVE FLUFFY HEARING SPONGES ON HER HEAD!? AND SHE WAS SITTING DOWN ON THE TOILET!"

"Huh?" John wakes up, barely just raising his head. He mumbles sleepily, "Wha . . . what was that about . . . about . . . Howie Mandell?"

"Go back to sleep John!" Jade yells.

"Mhkay," John grumbles and face-plants back into the pillow.

"Uh . . . we don't have to explain everything again, do we?" Jake asks.

Jane sighs, "Seems like it. But I've made more pancakes if anyone wants them!"

Greg looks down at his empty plate, then at Peridot and Jade, who are glaring at each other. Greg sighs, "I have the feeling it's going to be a long day."


	4. Sprites Leprechauns and Consorts, Oh My!

Over more pancakes, Peridot's caught up and Jade and John get to eat. John only joins half-way through and quickly scarfs down his pancakes. By the time they've gotten Peridot caught up on everything, it's already noon.

Steven decides that he likes these humans, or gods, or whatever they are (Rose said that they're not completely human, so he guess they're sorta human). John's funny and is easy to talk to. He likes to make jokes and pulls pranks (he somehow managed to put a bucket filled with water over the bathroom door when no one was noticing), and he likes Steven's puns. Roxy's very laid back and funny in her own way, since she's very ridiculous. She's also very smart, since she was able to explain the whole ectobiology thing. Jake uses strange words, but he's very earnest and loves to talk about the adventures he's had. Jane's easy to talk to too, and she makes really good food. She seems to be as a good as a prankster as John, since she was the only one who noticed him out the bucket of water over the bathroom door, but didn't say anything. Dirk may be stoic, but he's really cool. He ended up explaining ectobiology to Peridot by rapping, and he's really good at it. Jade may have made an . . . explosive introduction, but she's really nice too. She's smart and friendly and funny.

Even though Steven's warmed up to the Kids, he's not sure about the Gems. Garnet has remained emotionless through both explanations, and Pearl looks confused about . . . everything. Amethyst thinks that they're funny, but a few stray glances show that she has her concerns too. Steven's dad also seems concerned, he has a worried look on his face, mixed with confusion.

"Now what?" Garnet speaks up when the story's over and everyone's done eating. "You're here in this world and you can't go back. What are you going to do?"

The Kids share a glance with each other.

"Honestly, we're not sure," John speaks for everyone. "It's been so long since we didn't have to worry about the game or about any villains who wanted to destroy the universe. We just focused on finding a place to go, not about anything after it."

"And we can think about the future once the others get here and we've had time to settle in," Roxy adds.

"Others?" Pearl questions.

"Rose and Dave and everyone else," John explains.

"They should be here in three days," Jade adds.

"Will there be another ship?" Pearl worries.

"No," John chuckles. "They'll be on a meteor."

"What!?" Pearl exclaims.

"We'll be able to stop it. Aradia and Sollux have a plan and they're on the Meteor," Jade adds.

"But how?" Pearl asks. She doesn't get her answer since there's a knock on the door.

Everyone turns to the door, and behind the screen is a tall man wearing a white shirt, white pants, and a black tie. He has a large pointed nose and a white fedora covers his bald head. He holds a pipe in his hands as he knocks on the side of the screen.

"Oh! It's Dad!" Jane exclaims.

"Come on in!" Steven turns around and shouts. Jane's dad doesn't do anything, aside from scratch his head. "Uh . . ."

"He's deaf," John explains. Jane puts down the pan she's washing and walks over to the door to let her dad in. She quickly moves her hands in a certain way that's meant to communicate with her dad, and he nods his head.

"Uh . . . what does that mean?" Steven asks.

"It means he can't hear anything kiddo," his dad explains.

"Me and Jane learned sign language growing up so we can talk to him. Well, for me not specifically him, but my dad," John explains. Steven remembers the dead body, an identical copy to the man he sees standing before him, on the ground covered with sword wounds.

"So biologically, he's your son?" Amethyst asks, pointing to Jane's dad.

"I guess? But I'm just calling him dad. And technically Jane's his nanna but he's still her dad," John points out.

"Touché," Amethyst replies.

"Gems, Mr. Universe," Jane leads her dad over to the ground. "This is my dad, Joel Crocker."

"Hi!" Steven says with wave. Mr. Crocker waves back.

"I've told him all your names already, so he's caught up," Jane explains. Mr. Crocker pauses Jane and taps on her shoulder before quickly signing something. John begins to laugh while Jane exclaims, "I'm not saying that!"

Mr. Crocker than looks over to John and signs again.

"Mr. Universe!" John gets Greg's attention.

"Yes?" his dad asks.

"My dad wants you to know that he likes your beard!" John says.

"Uh," Steven's dad looks over to Mr. Crocker. "Thanks, I guess?"

Mr. Crocker gives Greg a thumbs up.

"Well, I really should go and open the car wash," Greg says getting up. "Seeing that it's . . . already noon!"

"More like half-past noon," Dirk interjects.

"See you later dad!" Steven says as his father heads to the door.

"Don't get into any more trouble!" his dad advises before he's out of the door.

"So whazzup Dad Crocker? Everything goin' good on the ship?" Roxy checks.

Mr. Crocker quickly signs something and Jane translates, "He says that the consorts are getting a bit restless, and he has a feeling that the Felt are planning on staging a mutiny."

"Against who?" Jade questions.

"Maybe Johnny. He is the leader," Roxy suggests.

"Uh, friendleader," John corrects.

"Jake? Aren't you the leader of the Felt now? Cuz you're an English or something?" Dirk asks.

"That's what Crowbar told me, but Crowbar likes me and everyone else seems to go with what Crowbar says," Jake explains.

"Then who?" John asks.

Mr. Crocker signs something.

"Well, apparently Nannasprite," Jane translates. "Crowbar's getting sick of her making cookies and distracting the crew."

"Nanna does make a lot of cookies," John grumbles.

"Then let's go take care of that," Jade says, standing up. "To the ship?"

"To the ship!" Roxy and John agree.

"You guys wanna come along?" Jade turns to the Crystal Gems.

"I suppose we should meet the other denizens of your ship," Pearl says.

"Alright, well we're taking the shortcut so hold on!" Jade announces. In a flash of green light, suddenly everyone in a completely golden room. There are yellow salamanders, red crocodiles, purple turtles, and blue lizards are everywhere. There's nothing in the room except for a doorway into a hallway where a yellow salamander dressed in black robes is leading a skeletal army of reptiles.

"What was that?" Pearl asks as she stumbles over.

"That was so cool!" Steven shouts.

"Thanks," Jade smiles. "I wasn't even sure I could do that anymore since the Green Sun's gone."

"Casey!" John suddenly yells as he flies out of the room. "No leading your undead army into battle!"

"What are all these guys?" Amethyst asks, poking one of the salamanders in the face.

"They're the consorts of mine, John's, Rose's and Dave's land!" Jade explains. "I brought them all on the ship so we wouldn't get lonely during the three-year journey."

"They're so cute!" Steven gushes.

"Lmao, I know," Roxy agrees.

"I dunno, these ones are looking in two different directions and it's kinda freaking me out," Amethyst says, pointing at the salamanders.

"Uh guys," a strange creature glowing lime green and orange floats into the room. They have bird's wings, sunglasses, a cat's smile, a trench coat and horns. The symbol on their chest is a moon with cog parts on the side. "Things have gone to shit since a couple hours ago when you all left."

"What happened?" Jane asks.

"Well, the Nannasprites were making cookies fur everyone, which is nothing new. But then Crowbar comes outta nowhere and starts to rage about how Nanna's distracting the crew. Crowbar declares gang war and apparently the rest of the Felt have been getting an itchy (not him specifically) trigger finger cuz they immediately flipped over the tables and started firing. The Nannasprites started firing back with their ovens and now I think Casey's entering the furay because they were bored," the creature explains.

"Oh boy," Jade sighs. "The Felt are going to die. Again."

"Not on my watch!" Jake declares and runs out of the room.

"We better follow him!" Roxy says to Dirk and they follow after Jake.

Mr. Crocker signs something to Jane, who replies, "No dad! We aren't joining Nanna! But we should try to get her to stop if Jake's working with the Felt."

With that, Jane and Mr. Crocker leave. Remaining in the room is Jade, the Crystal Gems, and the strange creature.

"Uh . . . are we going to help?" Steven asks.

"If you don't mind," Jade says. "I _was_ going to give you a tour of the ship, maybe take you guys down to LOFAF, but I don't think that's happening now."

"Yeah, it's turning into a real warzone down in the kitchen so we should handle that furst," the creature adds.

"We'll help," Garnet decides.

"Great! Let's go!" Jade says and she leads the Crystal Gems out of the room down the golden hallways, which are only filled with more consorts. The creature flies alongside the group as Jade navigates them through the winding corridors.

"Uhm . . ." Steven turns to the creature. "I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Steven Universe!"

"Nice to meet you Steven. The name's Davepetasprite," the creature reveals.

"Uh . . . What are you?" Steven then asks. "How come you're all glowy?"

"Cuz I'ma sprite," Davepetasprite explains.

"Technically you're two," Jade interjects.

"I figured I'd get to that technicality later," Davepetasprite replies. They turn back to Steven, "So I assume that you want to know what a sprite is. Well don't worry, I got you covered. Sprites are basically guides for each player during the game. They were supposed to be all cryptic and bullshit, but some of us didn't really feel like it."

"So you're like that one fairy from Legend of Zelda?" Steven guesses.

"Exactly. In the game, you'd start out with a sprite kernel and then you would program it twice. Nannasprite was made from a harlequin doll John had and the ashes of his Nanna," Davepetasprite continues. "But I'm not a normal sprite. I'm a sprite squared."

"And what's that?" Steven asks.

"Well, I was once Davesprite and Nepetasprite. Davesprite was Dave's sprite, and Nepetasprite was Jake's. Davesprite was prototyped twice, but Nepetasprite only once so when they shook hands, Davepetasprite^2 was born and it was pawsome," Davepetasprite concludes.

"So you're like a fusion!" Steven realizes. "Like Garnet!"

Davepetasprite turns to Garnet, "Yo."

"Sup," Garnet replies.

Davepetasprite turns back to Steven, "Yeah. I guess."

"Cool!" Steven gushes.

Steven has plenty more questions about sprites, and Davepetasprite seems happy to answer them, but Jade stops everyone when they enter what used to be the kitchen. Now, it's a battlefield.

On one side of the kitchen, the tables were flipped over a green men of various sizes and wearing various colored hats and green suits are firing actual guns at the other side of the room. There's fourteen of them and Jake is over there talking to one who has a crowbar and a maroon three-point hat. Roxy and Dirk are over there too, mainly trying to grab some of the green men's weapons away from them. Roxy is creating more green blocks and is throwing them at the men, while Dirk is chopping bullets in half with his sword.

On the other side of kitchen are two identical sprites, both glowing turquoise. They both look like old ladies, but are also dressed up as jesters. They have one detached hand that floats around like a ghost hand. They have glasses and a scar over their right eye. They also have ghostly tails, unlike Davepetasprite who has normal feet. Both of them are firing over barrages of cookies from blue-glowing ovens, drowning the green men in cookies. Jane and Mr. Crocker are on that side, but while Jane is trying to talk sense into the identical sprites, Mr. Crocker is joining in the battle and is throwing pies at the green men or spraying the skeletons with shaving cream.

All over the room are animated skeletons of the consorts Steven's seen along the way. They're running over the Felt, stepping on everyone's feet, biting into all of the blue cookies lying around on the ground. They just seem to be more of a nuisance than actual fighters. In the middle of this skeletal army is the salamander in the black robes and John, who looks like he's scolding the salamander.

"Ah yes, welcome aboard the Prospitian battleship," Jade sighs as she gestures to the room. "This is what the last three days have been like."

"Who are the two ghost ladies?" Steven asks.

"Those are Nannasprite," Davepetasprite answers. "One's from John and Roxy's doomed session, and the other is from the Alpha timeline. So now we have two ghost-jester old ladies making us cookies."

"This is utter mayhem!" Pearl exclaims. "This'll take hours to clean up!"

"Eh, the crocodiles are basically trash compactors so they'll just come in here and eat everything. Also, it's not like we're planning on living here any longer than we already have," Jade says. "You don't have to worry about the mess."

"What we do have to worry about is someone getting hurt," Garnet points out.

"Right," Jade agrees. She takes a step further in the room, clears her throat, and the shouts, "ALRIGHT YOU FUCKASSES EVERYONE FREEZE!"

The whole room stops, accept for Mr. Crocker who throws another pie at the tallest of the green guys, who's wearing a white and maroon hat with the number 15 on it. One of the Nannasprites taps Mr. Crocker on the shoulder, signs something with her floaty hand, and he drops the pie he was holding in his other hand.

"Alright," Jade continues at a normal tone. "Where do I even start!"

Jake raises his hand, "Can I go first?"

"Of course," Jade agrees.

"Well, I was just conversing with Crowbar here and he agrees to stop if Nannasprite will stop 'stealing' the other members of the Felt with her delicious cookies," Jake explains.

"We were only trying to make everyone a meal after the hard work of stopping the ship," one Nannasprite says.

"And we can't help it if our baking's delicious, hoohoohoohoo!" the other Nannasprite laughs.

"Yer plottin' 'gainst me an' the boss!" Crowbar, the member of the Felt that Jake has talking to, declares.

"I don't believe that Nannasprite is doing anything of that kind," Jake argues.

"And her cookies are really good," a wider green man adds. His hat is white with a blue stripe, and has the number ten on it.

"I don't care!" Crowbar hisses.

"Look, how about just to make sure that another mess isn't caused we ban the Felt from the kitchen, that way they stay away from Nannasprite and we don't start a gang war," John suggests.

"Does that sound swell enough?" Jake asks Crowbar.

"Eh . . . sure," Crowbar agrees. "Felt out!"

The other members of the Felt groan but follow Crowbar out of the kitchen as he shoves past the Crystal Gems.

"What . . . are they?" Steven asks as the Felt leave.

"I'm . . . not sure," Pearl admits.

"They seem to organic lifeforms, but there's something about them that make them feel like they're above normal human cognitive powers," Peridot adds.

"They're really good at color coordination," Amethyst jokes. "Aside from the hats, at least."

"The Felt are Leprechauns," Davepetasprite interjects. "They're magical creatures that come from dead sessions of Sburb. Don't really know where they came from but Jake fought them all in the final battle and they just kinda adopted him as their leader."

"But if they're leprechauns shouldn't they have orange beards, pots of gold, hang out by rainbows and try to keep children away from their cereal?" Steven questions.

"Nah, these guys just want to hang out in their gang and do their weird leprechaun romance things," Davepetasprite explains. "So make sure you knock befur entering kiddo."

"You make a lot of cat puns," Steven laughs.

"That's because I'm part cat girl corpse," Davepetasprite reveals. "And part doomed Dave and dead bird, but I'm still all-around pawsome."

"Uh . . . that's a lot of . . . dead things," Steven starts to inflate.

"The game has a thing for death," Davepetasprite reveals. "Prototyping works better if you use dead things, you have to die to become a god, the whole world dies when you enter the Medium. But that's all part of the creation process."

"Uh . . ." Steven suddenly feels really awkward talking to Davepetasprite now, but at least the topic gets derailed as the hallway is flooded with the skeletal army retreating.

"Yeah! Get outta here! You all are banned too!" John declares as he floats above everyone's head, broom suddenly in hand as he swats the skeletons out. Steven can see the salamander in the black robes scurry away with the undead army too. "And Casey! Stop trying to gather your army to fight! There's no one to fight anymore!"

"So," one of the Nannasprites floats up next to John and faces the Crystal Gems. "Who's up for some cookies?"


	5. Talk Over a Cookie Lunch

"These cookies are really good Nannasprite!" Steven praises as he gobbles down the pile of cookies in front of him.

"Hoohoohoohoo, thank-you!" the Nannasprites say at the same time.

The kitchen had been put, somewhat back together. Roxy, Jake and Dirk put all the tables together to create a super-table while John and Jade gathered all of the cookies to create a giant pile on the table. Now, the kids, the Crystal Gems, and Davepetasprite are all sitting down and enjoying a healthy lunch of cookies. Both Nannasprites hover close by while Mr. Crocker is cleaning the dishes.

"Are these cookies healthy?" Pearl questions as she picks one up. They're turquoise and glow, so she obviously has some concerns. She wasn't going to eat it, but was just inspecting it.

"Yeah, me an' Jade have been eating Nannasprite's food for over three years," John explains.

"Then why aren't you eating any?" Pearl questions.

"I'm . . . not fond of sugar," John admits. "Once in a while is good but I can't eat cookies every day, all day."

"I could!" Steven claims.

"Yeah, these are delicious," Amethyst says in-between stacks of cookies. She grabs another armful from the pile and stuffs them all into her mouth at once. Steven and Jake laugh, but Pearl just gives Amethyst a disapproving look.

"Nanna's cookies will be just fine," Jane reassures Pearl. "But I believe we have more important things to talk about than just the cookies."

"Like what?" Roxy questions with cookies in her mouth.

"We'll have to discuss where we'll live eventually, but we can wait for the Meteor on that," Jane says. "And what about all of the consorts and the Felt? Is it wise to let them loose on the Earth?"

"We're going to let Karkat loose," John says, which causes Jade to snort and almost choke on her cookie.

"Yes, I believe that was the plan," Jane replies. "But The Felt and the consorts are completely different than Karkat. He just swears a bit too much."

"A bit?" Jade questions.

"Well, Jade and I have already talked somewhat about our mercurial companions," Jake reveals. "The Felt are a . . . bit too violent for humans. I am trying to ameliorate them, but they're stubborn."

"And we can't release the consorts out into the wild, they'll be an invasive species which usually don't turn out so good," Jade continues. "But me and Jake know just where to put them!"

"Back on their planets?" John suggests.

"Noooo then they'll get lonely," Jade whines.

"Then where?" Dirk asks.

"The island where Jade and I grew up!" Jake announces. "If no one discovered it when we were on it, then it will still be uninhabited by now!"

"The consorts can live freely there and the Felt . . . can do whatever," Jade explains.

"They expressed desire to rebuild their mansion again," Jake adds. "And the island is big enough for a mansion."

"And you can keep this . . . ship there too, right?" Pearl asks.

"I guess. But it would be easier for me to just shrink the ship down to baseball-size and keep it in my sylladex with the planets," Jade replies.

The cookie Steven was holding falls out of his hand onto the floor. A stray crocodile dives for it. Steven exclaims, "You have entire planets the size of baseballs!?"

"That's impossible," Pearl claims.

"The density of those planets would be humungous and-" Peridot adds, but she stops when five planets, all floating in Jade's hand, appears. There are four planets floating around a blue and white one: a blue one, a red one, a yellow-pink one, and a green one.

"The middle one's Skaia," Jade points out. "Then you have LOWAS, LOHAC, LOLAR, and LOFAF. John's planet is LOWAS, mine's LOFAF."

"So cool," Steven gasps.

"How are you able to do that!?" Peridot leans over the table to get a closer look.

"It's all a part of my Witch of Space powers," Jade reveals. "I can control the size, speed, and density of objects; just physics, really."

"What are all of those towers pokin' out of the planets?" Steven leans over the table to ask.

"Those are our houses! They got teleported into our lands when we entered the Medium!" John explains. He points to the blue planet and the white tower extending to the top, "We had the build up to reach the gates, but my house is there." John then gasps and leans back.

"What? You knock it over?" Amethyst asks.

"No-I just had an idea!" John exclaims.

"Does it involve all those green cubes on the beach cuz I just realized that we have a problem with those," Roxy asks.

"No," John replies. "But yeah, that will be a problem."

"What about all the green cubes we scattered into the ocean when we blasted through them?" Dirk questions.

"They belong to the ocean now," Roxy says.

"Yeah, well, this is about our housing situation," John says. "We can take my house off of LOWAS and bring it out here. We can turn it into an apartment building for everyone!"

"Why not just use Dave's house? He lived in an apartment," Dirk suggests.

"And wasn't your house destroyed by imps?" Jade adds.

"Well, it's a bit of a fixer-upper," John admits.

"And didn't Rose throw a bathtub through your wall?" Davepetasprite adds.

"I think it was an accident?" John says.

"Dude, your bathroom was fucked up," Davepetasprite insists. "It's more than a fixer-upper, it's a "demolish and rebuild from scratch"-er. Call HGTV, they ain't gonna do anything. The Property Bros are gonna have one look at that mess and have a heart-attack. It's an utter cat-astrophe."

"If we still had game mechanics we could rebuild it, but no one wants to install Sburb to get cool building tools," Dirk says.

"Then we'll just have to buy a house," Jane says.

"We don't have an Earth money. Or at least any money from this Earth," Dirk points out.

"You can always live on that island," Pearl suggests. "If two of you lived on it before, then it's an available place, right?"

Jade and Jake share a look before Jade continues, "I don't mean to be rude, but I grew up on that island completely alone-just me, my dog Bec, and the stuffed corpse of my grandfather."

"Stuffed corpse? Is that how humans dispose of their dead?" Peridot questions.

"No, humans . . . normally bury their dead," Pearl answers.

"It was a family tradition," Jade insists. "But anyways, I was really lonely. It was only when I met John, Rose and Dave on the internet that I had any human friends."

"The same goes for me," Jake continues. "I grew up on the island with scores of monsters where I had to fight for my life every day. I doubt that the island is in such a state now, but I was in complete isolation aside from my online chums."

"Don't forget me and Roxy. We lived alone in a world where we were the only two humans left alive," Dirk adds.

"I had carapaces, but they're not great conversationalists and just wanted my food," Roxy throws in.

"And we didn't even live in the same places. We only had internet friends to keep us company and whatever tidbits our guardians left behind," Dirk finishes.

"And we don't want to live in isolation anymore!" Jade states. "For the last three years, I was on this ship, mostly alone. The John and Davesprite from my universe died in a strange explosion on LOWAs and I was alone! I want to live with people, and interact with humans and _be_ human-even though I may be a god and part dog."

"Part dog?" Peridot questions, but is ignored.

"I'm sorry I caused all that loneliness Jade!" John declares as he pulls his sister into a hug.

"Well, you're here now," Jade replies before she turns back to Pearl and the other Gems. "Living on an isolated island isn't an option. We came here to try and have normal lives once again, living among humans and acting like sorta normal humans. Because let's face it, none of us were normal humans before and we're even more not normal now so it's going to be impossible for us to be completely normal."

"Aye aye!" Roxy agrees.

"Well don't worry, I know lots of not-normal people and I think you'll all make great Beach City residents!" Steven announces. "And it's great here! It's right on the ocean so you can go to the beach every day! And there's fun places like Funland and the Big Donut and Fish Stew Pizza and Citywalk Fries or the warehouse where sometimes there's raves or wrestling matches! And there's also so many great people like Sadie, Lars, Ronadlo, Peedee, Jenny, Kiki, Buck, Sour Cream, Jamie, Mr. Smiley, Mayor Dewey, my dad, Connie, and more!"

Jade's, Jake's, and Roxy's eyes all light up as Steven tells them about the fun of Beach City. Steven may not be able to see his eyes, but Dirk seems interested too.

"We should go there," Roxy says with her pink eyes sparkling. "Now."

"Aw yes!" John agrees. "Eating non-alchemized food at an actual restaurant! I'm in!"

"I'm in for normal human activities," Dirk agrees.

"If it's a boardwalk is the Ferris Wheel? And carnival rides?" Jade asks, sounding more like an excitable kid than a reasonable adult. Her jade eyes glisten with hope, "I've never been to a carnival before!"

"I hope it's nothing like the one in Ghost Rider," Jake adds. Jade and John groan, but no one else seems to get it.

"Then let's go!" Steven agrees, inciting shouts of joy from the Kids.

"Are you sure?" Pearl checks. "Weren't you planning on heading to the island?"

"We can do that tomorrow," John says.

"We've been playing this goddamn game for three years-let's have some actual fun!" Jade shouts.

"To the boardwalk!" John jumps up into the air and shouts.

"To the boardwalk!" Jade, Roxy, and Jake repeat jumping out of their chairs as well. Steven jumps up as soon as he sees them react, and dirk stands up normally as well.

"No stopping them, and it sounds like fun," Jane agrees as she stands up.

"Steven," Garnet stands up. "Will you be showing them around Beach City?"

"Yeah!" Steven replies.

"Then I think it's time for us to return to the Temple," Garnet announces.

"But what about all the cookies!" Amethyst says, pointing to the remaining pile on the table.

"We can bring you some more over later dearie if you wish," one of the Nannasprites explains.

"Aw yeah!" Amethyst agrees.

"Uh . . . probably not," Pearl interjects. "But thank-you anyway."

"We'll show you guys the way out," John says as he starts to float his way towards the doorway, only to run into one of the members of the Felt. He catches himself before he falls and then shoot straight up, standing in the air, "Hey! I though we just decided you guys were banned!"

"Uh . . . sorry Heir," the Felt member says. He's tall, his white hat has a red stripe on it, and his number is eleven. For some reason, he's carrying a fire extinguisher.

"What's all this commotion about Matchsticks?" Jake steps up to address the Felt member.

"Me an' Stitch were standin' up on the top deck just watchin' the waves when this human girl an' a large pink cat came up to the ship shoutin' 'bout attackin' us if we didn't turn over the Crystal Gems," Matchsticks explains.

"That must be Connie!" Steven exclaims. "We have to let her know that we're okay!"

"Alright," John agrees. "To the top deck!"

John quickly leads the kids, Gems, and Davepetasprite who has decided to come along, to the top deck of the golden battleship. John and Davepetasprite zoom ahead of the group, but they're able to follow John's blue windy trails, and Jade knows where to go.

When they get to the top deck, there are three members of the Felt looking over the side, but thankfully none of their weapons are drawn.

"Stitch! Die! Biscuits! What's going on?" Jake yells as he comes over.

"I thought Matchsticks told ya," a grumpy-looking Felt member says. His white hat has a yellow stripe on it with the number nine. There's also a stitched-up scar that goes over his right eye and down the length of his face. Steven has a feeling that this one's Stitch. "Some girl's wavin' a sword around and threatenin' us."

"Connie!" Steven shouts as he pokes his head over the edge of the battleship. It's a far way down to the beach, but he can see Connie brandishing his mom's sword with Lion standing right next to her.

"Steven!" Connie shouts back, sounding relieved. "Are you okay!?"

"Yeah! We're fine! These guys are friendly!" Steven shouts back.

"Who are they!?" Connie asks.

"Uh, one minute! Let me find a way down first!" Steven shouts before turning back to the others. "Is there any way down?"

"Uh, teleporting?" John suggests.

"I can make some stairs!" Roxy adds.

"Stairs," Dirk quickly says. "Make stairs."

Roxy laughs, "Alright Di-Stri, one SBaHJ reference comin' up!"

Roxy cracks her knuckles before stepping to the side of the ship. She waves at Connie before saying, "Le-poof!"

Suddenly, a set of white stairs is created, stretching for the edge of the deck all the way down to the sands of the beach. Steven looks back over the edge, and Connie's mouth has dropped open.

"One set of stairs, ready to be tripped-no wait!-stepped on," Roxy corrects herself.

"You guys better be careful," Dirk warns.

"Ha!" John shouts as he floats up. "I won't _fall_ for your tricks! I've already been warned enough about the stairs, thank-you very much."

Jade, Jane, and Stitch groan at John's pun while Jake, and Roxy laugh. Steven and the Crystal Gems don't really get the joke but Steven supposes that it has something to do with falling down the stairs and some warning about it. Dirk has an entirely blank look on his face, but he suddenly draws a sword from nowhere and says, "There's no way out of it-"

"No!" Jane shouts before she kicks the sword out of Dirk's hand and off the side of the boat.

"Hey!" Connie shouts from the beach.

"Are you okay!?" Steven quickly checks over the side with Pearl. The sword safely landed away from Connie.

"Who threw that!?" Connie yells back, sounding more angry than frightened.

"Sorry!" Jane leans over the side. "Dirk was trying to decapitate himself because John told a pun . . . again!"

"Again!?"

Steven throws a glance over his shoulder to see how Dirk's doing, and currently his pined to the ground by Roxy and Jake.

"Quick! Someone fall down the stairs! It's the only way!" Roxy yells.

"Uh, I'll just . . . go and talk to Connie," Steven says. He begins to walk down the newly made stairs, just so he doesn't have to see Dirk decapitate himself. Speaking of Dirk, Steven decides to go carefully instead of running down, thanks to his warning.

"Steven! What's going on!?" Connie runs up to Steven as soon as his feet hit the beach.

"I had a dream last night telling me that these people would be coming from another universe, and here they are! Or at least half of them," Steven begins.

"Another universe?" Connie questions.

"Yeah! Or, multiple, I dunno. They came here because they had nowhere else to go! So they all live here now!" Steven says.

"What's this about the guy decapitating himself again?" Connie then asks.

"I . . . don't really know."


	6. Show My New Friend To Everyone In Town

Thankfully, Dirk did not decapitate himself because Peridot tripped on her way down the stairs and he had to say 'I told you about those stairs! I warned you dog!' for some reason. Crisis avoided.

After that, the Gems retreated back to the Temple to talk things over themselves. Well, Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl were. Steven had the feeling that Peridot would either lock herself in the bathroom, catch-up on Camp Pining Hearts (which just recently had a revival, though without the original cast), or head back to the barn and try to get Lapis to watch Camp Pining Hearts with her. Steven then introduced the Kids and Davepetasprite to Connie, and they spent the next hour on the beach repeating the story a _third_ _time_. At least it was a bit quicker this time.

(Steven's getting tired of this, and he realizes that eventually they'll have to tell Lapis and he doesn't want to do that. Steven tells John who says that they'll get Dave to write a five-hour rap when he shows up and he can perform it for her. Steven still doesn't want to be there when it happens.)

Connie was still trying to get a hold of all this inter-dimensional travel and death stuff, but as soon as Steven finally got dressed for the day, they headed off to the boardwalk so the Kids could do normal human stuff.

". . . and that's how Casey became my daughter and a necromancer," John finishes answering one of Connie's questions on their walk to the boardwalk.

"So you basically kidnapped a salamander from her mother?" Connie questions.

"Kidnapped a strong word. I prefer adopted," John states.

"Any other questions?" Jane asks. So far they have covered why Jade has dog ears, how Jake became the leader of the Felt, how Betty Crocker is evil, why Jake's legs are so smooth, why Dirk's pants are so poofy, what doomed timelines are, what utterly generic objects are, and how Casey became the leader of an undead army; all in a very timely manner.

"Uh, yeah," Connie says. "Davepetasprite, why do you have horns?"

"Aren't they cat ears?" Steven questions. He thought they were cat ears. They said that they were part cat-girl corpse. They look like cat ears.

"Because that cat girl corpse I'm made of was a troll, and trolls have horns," Davepetasprite explains.

"Why didn't you mention it earlier?" Steven asks.

"Because I was pretty sure we all had subconsciously agreed to not tell the Gems about our relations to trolls just yet," Davepetasprite says.

"Why?" Connie questions.

"Well, according to Karkat, one of our troll friends, back in his universe Trolls and Gems were enemies. Both of them were trying to colonize the entire universe and had huge fleets. Plus, they kinda hated each other," Jade explains.

"Yeah," Davepetasprite continues. "The Nepeta part of me feels a lot of hate towards the Gems. They weren't put in a good light back on Alternia."

"And in this universe, where both Earth, Alternia and Homeworld exist, the Gems will have the same views on Trolls," Jade continues.

"Which is stupid, because the trolls I know are pretty chill. Well . . . except for Terezi. There was that time she tried to kill me," John rolls his eyes as he floats upside-down over Connie and Steven. Connie and Steven gasp, but John continues, "I've gotten over it! That was three years ago. I still don't like her though."

"Aw Johnny," Roxy coos. "You are so black for her!"

"I am not black for Terezi!" John claims, flipping right-side up as he does. Steven has no idea what 'going black for her' means but he doesn't have enough time to question it.

"Well, anyways, Karkat said that he wanted to present his case against the Gems himself so I think we should all keep out mouths shut about the trolls when around the Crystal Gems until they get here," Jade says. "And we shouldn't worry about that either-we're going to have fun!"

"Yeah!" Jake agrees. "Will there be any place to try cotton candy? I've always seen it in movies and it looks so delicious!"

"You've never had cotton candy?" Connie gasps.

"I've lived alone on an island for most of my life," Jake replies.

"Same," Jade adds.

"Me and Dirky were the last humans in the world so I guess that counts," Roxy continues.

"Then let's go get cotton candy!" Steven exclaims. He starts to run and everyone follows after him as they get onto the boardwalk.

Steven starts off by getting cotton candy, which Connie quickly questions if they are going to ride rides, but no one seems to care. Jake, Jade, Dirk and Roxy are all amazed by the strange texture of the cotton candy, but eat it all nonetheless. Even John eats some, even though he has his aversion to sugar.

They then ride every ride in Funland. It is quite the feat, but everyone has fun even though John threw up after the first three rides. There's no horrible Funland accident, and no one seems to question what the Kids are wearing or why John can fly. Actually, no one's stopped Steven to ask him about the blue wind vortex or the golden ship yet, which is strange. Or maybe that's because no one has time to, since the Kids are trying out all the rides as fast as they can.

"I can't believe we rode every ride in Funland in under three hours!" Steven exclaims as they walk the expanse of the boardwalk after an electrifying two and a half hours.

"We cut a lot of time by teleporting in between rides and only stopping to allow John to throw up," Jane points out. "Which wasn't necessary."

"Look, I think we beat a record and that's what counts," John argues.

"Now what?" Roxy questions. She's currently on a mix of a sugar high and an adrenaline rush, so she's actually floating along with John because apparently god tiers can fly. Davepetasprite is enjoying the company in the air, as they're making figure-8's around John and Roxy.

"It's getting close to dinner," Connie points out. "And I didn't have much for lunch."

"Same. All I had were ghost cookies," Steven replies. "Surprisingly filling though."

"Oh! We should go to one of those restaurants you've told us about Steven!" John suddenly exclaims. "No offense to Nanna, but I've been eating baked goods for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the past three years and it gets a bit old after a while."

"Yeah . . ." Jade agrees. "And I've never been to a restaurant before!"

"And we only ate alchemized food when we were away from Jane," Dirk adds. "Which I wouldn't suggest."

"Yes and my planet was desolate . . . I couldn't enjoy a good hunt full of bravado and moxie to gather my food," Jake continues.

"Then let's go to Fish Stew Pizza!" Steven exclaims.

"Do we have enough money for everyone?" Connie questions.

"Don't worry, I've got this," Roxy floats up to Connie's shoulder. "Can I have a dollar? I'm gonna do some majicks!"

"You are not creating counterfeit money!" Jane quickly forbids.

"It won't be counterfeit . . . it's just exact copies," Roxy argues.

"You're going to give the Fed a huge headache," Dirk comments.

"No," Jane sets her foot down.

"Well I have enough coupons to get a free pizza," Steven points out.

"Oo! Problem solved!" Roxy exclaims.

"Then pizza?" John asks the group for approval.

"Pizza!" Jake and Roxy reply.

"I'm down," Dirk agrees.

"I'm up for it," Davepetasprite throws in.

"Sounds delicious," Jade finishes.

"Then pizza!" John repeats.

Steven leads the group to Fish Stew Pizza, which is thankfully is open and not that full. There's the Buck and Sour Cream sitting in the back with Jenny hovering near-by (pretending to work) and Ronaldo's at another table. They all look up when the group enters. Jenny merely shades her eyes from Davepetasprite's quickly changing colors, Sour Cream's jaw drops, while Ronaldo instantly freezes. Steven goes up to the counter while the Kids put two tables together to fit all of them.

"Hey Steven!" Kiki steps up to the counter from the kitchen. She instantly goes silent as she sees the Kids sitting down while Davepetasprite floats above them. "Uh . . . who are your . . . new friends?"

"Those are John, Jade, Jane, Jake, Dirk, Roxy and Davepetasprite! And Connie's here too," Steven says as he pulls out his rewards coupons. "I have eight rewards cards, so two free pizzas please!"

". . . Of course," Kiki quickly writes down his order. "They'll be up in a couple minutes."

Kiki quickly disappears into the kitchen and Steven rejoins his group. He finds that Dirk, Davepetasprite, Roxy and John have already started up a conversation with Buck, Jenny and Sour Cream.

"So you're like a living rave light?" Sour Cream asks Davepetasprite, staring at them with fascination.

"Yeah I guess," Davepetasprite replies.

"Would you mind coming to one of my raves? I hold them every other week on Fridays at the warehouse," Sour Cream asks.

"You should go!" Steven interjects. "Sour Cream's raves are super cool!"

"Sure. Sounds furtastic," Davepetasprite agrees.

"So where'd you guys come from? And where'd you get the clothes?" Jenny then asks.

"We came here this morning, in that golden ship on the beach," Roxy answers.

"So you guys caused that evacuation this morning?" Buck asks.

"Yeah. Sorry about that," John apologizes. "But that was a good thing I guess. We could've crashed into the town if things went wrong."

"My dad had to get me up at nine to get me to leave!" Jenny exclaims.

"Sorry," John apologizes again. "And about our clothes . . . we kinda just woke up with them? That's the simplified version of it at least."

"Then what happened to your clothes you were wearing before that?" Sour Cream questions.

"I dunno," John answers. "Come to think of it, I never saw those clothes Vriska gave me again. Or those cool suits. Dammit they were soo cool. And all the stuff I alchemized too!"

"I still have your planet John," Jade points out.

"Yeah but haven't imps wrecked the shit out of that place?" John questions.

"Maybe? We're out of the game now but if not you can just fight them for it."

"I don't want to fight them. I'm done fighting imps."

"Just scare them with your windy thing!"

"We've just defeated Lord English I'm not going back to fighting Level 1 imps!"

"Yeah but we don't even know if they're there!"

Steven and the Cool Kids have dropped out of the conversation because it doesn't make much sense to them, but John and Jade seem pretty contempt to continue bickering with each other.

"Cool shades man," Buck says to Dirk.

"Thanks. Yours are cool too," Dirk replies.

"Man, you kinda look alike," Jenny points out. "It may just be the shades or that poker face."

"Or the gelled up hair," Roxy adds, trying to go in and mess up Dirk's hair but he swats her away.

"It just means that we both have good fashion sense," Dirk says as he fends off Roxy. "Though I prefer the jeans to the poofy pants."

"Nah, those poofy pants are cool too. Gives you character," Buck insists.

"Pizzas ready!" Kiki announces, unknowingly barging in to their conversations but she makes up for it by bringing them two pizzas. "Two pizzas, hot and ready. Enjoy your meal!"

"Thank-you!" Steven says as the rest of the table in, but he wasn't the only one to reply.

"You too," Dirk says automatically as Kiki walks away, and immediately his face goes slack.

"Not again," Jane groans, dropping the pizza in her hands onto her plate just so she could bury her head in her hands.

Dirk's chair skirts back as he jolts up and announces, "There's no way out of it, you're going to have to decapitate me."

"What?" Sour Cream says with laugh, as he doesn't understand what's going on. He almost falls out of his chair when Dirk pulls his sword out of nowhere again.

"NO!" Roxy shouts as she jumps onto Dirk and begins to wrestle the sword from his grasp. "JADE!"

"I'm on it!" Jade shouts as puts her hands in front of her like she's framing the struggle, but then she begins to bring them closer and miraculously the sword begins to shrink until it's small enough to only be used as a toothpick.

"I can still use this," Dirk insists as he and Roxy struggle over the miniature sword.

"NO!" Roxy argues. As they fight the sword slips out of Dirk's hands right into John's lap, who picks it up and makes it disappear.

"Did you just captachlogue my sword?" Dirk asks. John nods his head. "You know, if you just let me decapitate myself I would have been fine. It wouldn't have been heroic or just."

"And get blood all of this nice establishment? Nuh-uh!" Roxy says as she sits down and begins to dig into the pizza with everyone else who have continue on like this wasn't a big deal.

"Honestly Dirk, I can't tell if you're being serious or if this is some type of prank, but as the reigning pranking champion I can tell you that it's not funny," Jane reprimands Dirk as he sits back down.

"You guys talk about me decapitating myself like it's a big deal," Dirk argues.

"YOU DECAPITATED YOURSELF FOUR TIMES IN THE PAST THREE DAYS!" Jane shouts.

"And you and John had two pranks wars in the past three but nobody pointed that out," Dirk argues.

"Yeah but did anyone die from their prank wars?" Jade asks. "I may have gotten socked by a bucket of water and Fin may have lost a toe from a mousetrap (if Leprechauns even have toes) but nobody died."

"Yeah but I'm agreeing with myself to decapitate myself and nobody but me is getting hurt and I'm fine by that because I come back anyway," Dirk insists.

"You are so frustrating," Jane sighs into her pizza.

"Uh . . ." Sour Cream catches Steven's attention, as he and everyone else is wrapped up in this insane conversation. "Steven, do you know what's happening?"

"Hhm," Steven contemplates as he chews his pizza. "Not really, but they seem to understand."

John turns around, "Hey if you guys are talking about not decapitating yourself I'd love to join, so hey I have a weird question."

"Shoot," Bucks says.

"What year is it?" John asks.

"Uh . . . 2016. Why, what did you think it was?" Jenny answers.

"Well, when I started playing the game I was 13 and it was 2009," John explains. "Now I'm 16 so it should be 2012 but I guess the inter-dimensional travel and stuff messed it up. When Dave comes here I should ask him . . . but he'd probably give me a bullshit answer so I won't try to think about it too hard."

"Uh . . ." Sour Cream's lost again. "What?"

"It's been a long day I'm not explaining it again."


	7. Island Adventure

Somehow, the rest of the day goes peacefully (even though Dirk's decapitation problem continues to resurface). The next day, Steven wakes up bright and earlier and quickly starts to prepare for the day's outing. Last night Jade and Jake promised that he could come along tomorrow when they set off for their island to give the Felt and consorts a home and he is looking forward to it.

Steven runs around getting dressed, making breakfast, and packing snacks (requested by John because Nannasprite and Dad Crocker only make baked goods). His cheeseburger backpack ends up being filled to the brim with every snack food he could find as well as water bottles because it's important to stay hydrated.

Near the end of his hurried preparations, Pearl leaves the temple and walks into the strange scene of Steven trying to cram a box of fruit snacks into the packed backpack, "Steven, what are you doing?"

"Oh, hey Pearl!" Steven manages to get the fruit snacks into the backpack and zips it all up though it's still budging out. He hoists it onto his back and finally answers, "I was by Jade and Jake to go to their island with them! And John asked me to pack snacks!"

"That's a lot of snacks," Pearl points out.

"Well there's a lot of people so I want to make sure that everyone has something," Steven explains.

"Steven . . ." Pearl nervously begins. "Are you sure you want to go? They're not sure if this island is safe or not-of if it even exists! Maybe you should stay here . . . maybe Garnet will have a mission today? You don't want to miss that."

"Jade and Jake already asked me and I don't want to blow them off," Steven explains. "And besides, I have my shield, the Kids have their powers, and we'll be in a giant floating battleship! I'll be safe."

Pearl bites her lip as a knock comes from the door. Steven turns around to find Dirk standing at the screen door with a disgruntled-looking Lion, probably because Roxy's clinging to his back and burying her head in his mane. He can also hear some muffled screaming, but that's probably just Roxy.

"Hey," Dirk says. "Roxy found your cat."

Roxy tries to say something, but since she refuses to life her head out from Lion's mane, she's incomprehensible.

"I think that means 'i love your cat'," Dirk translates.

"Thanks, c'mon in," Steven opens the door. Dirk walks in followed by Lion, who pauses to give Steven a welcoming lick. Lion immediately sits down which causes Roxy to fall off onto her back.

"Steven you didn't tell me you had a cat!" Roxy gushes without moving off the ground, her pink eyes glowing with wonder. "And he's huge and he's pink! He's both my favorite animal and my favorite color!"

"Well, technically, he's a lion," Steven points out. "Not a cat."

"Does he have whiskers?" Roxy asks.

"Yes," Steven answers.

"Does he have paws?"

"Yes."

" "Does he like trying to fit into small boxes?"

"Yes."

"Is he adorable?"

"Yes."

"Is he of the genetic Felidae family?"

"Uh . . . I guess?"

"Then he's a cat," Roxy declares as she gets up and buries her face into Lion's mane again.

"So that happened," Dirk says and turns to Steven. "We came by to tell you that we're already whenever you are."

Steven points at his backpack and announces, "I'm already!"

"Actually uh," Pearl steps in. "I was wondering about the safety of this mission and-"

"You can come too," Dirk cuts Pearl off.

"What?" Pearl asks.

"We heard what you said. We were about to enter when Roxy got side-tracked by your cat," Dirk explains. "All your doors and windows are just screens, but if you're worried you can come along too."

"The more the merrier," Roxy adds. "And can your cat come too?"

"If he wants," Steven says and looks over to Lion for his opinion. Lion looks between Steven and Roxy before he yawns and does what translates to be a shrugging gesture. It seems like Roxy's growing on him by acting like a growth.

"Yaaaaaay!" Roxy celebrates by stuffing her head back into his mane.

"I'm still not sure about this," Pearl says.

"We don't want any trouble with anything that may be on this island either," Dirk replies. "There may be nothing, someone may be living there, there may be a bunch of monsters, or it's not there. Whatever it is, we're not going to fight. We're done fighting."

"I'll come along," Pearl finally decides. "Just to make sure that things go smoothly."

"Yay!" Steven celebrates. "Then let's go, c'mon on Lion!"

Steven begins to head towards the door and Lion stands up to follow, pushing Roxy backwards as he does so. Roxy regain her footing and immediately hops back onto Lion's back and shouts, "Onwards Zazzerpan the Learned, noble steed!"

Steven laughs at Roxy's strange name for Lion, Pearl raises an eyebrow, and Dirk looks like he's rolling his eyes but it's hard to tell with his shades. Steven corrects, "His names just Lion, thought Zazzerpan the Learned is a really creative name."

"He's a character in Complacency of the Learned," Roxy explains as Lion moves forward unexpectedly. She almost falls of but retains her balance. Steven steps outside, followed by Roxy, and walks alongside Lion so they can continue talking, "It's a book my mom wrote that had all these cool wizards in it and it was about this one apprentice wizard named Calmasis going around on a quest to kill The Learned, a group of wizard elders. But it wasn't just a book, it was meant to serve as a passive-aggressive taunt to the Batterwitch."

"The Batterwitch?" Steven questions. Pearl and Dirk have started following them, though in complete silence.

"The Condesce, HIC, Betty Crocker," Roxy lists.

"Betty Crocker?" Steven wonders if he should get rid of the Fruit Gushers stuck in his backpack.

"Yep. She ruled the Earth. And drowned it. That's why me and Dirk were the only people on the planet," Roxy reveals. "There's more, but the rest is kinda gory."

"Yeah. Our Earth sucked," Dirk cuts in. "Dual Juagglo Presidents, Guy Fieri rewriting the Constitution to make America a fascist country, Ben Stiller crucified on the Washington Monument . . ."

"Okay, there's no way any of that happened," Pearl insists. "Or . . . will happen."

"Then don't come calling to me when the Juggalo Party wins the 2024 election," Dirk says.

Roxy decides to move back to a happier place, "Anyway the books were sooooooo great. I managed to keep some because Rosie wanted to read 'em, if you want."

"I dunno, but it sounds like a book series Connie would like to read," Steven declines.

"If she's interested, once Rosie's done with 'em, I can give 'em to here," Roxy offers.

"I'll tell her."

They make it to the beach, where the golden battleship is still hovering safely in the air and the staircase from yesterday is still perched against the ship. Roxy hops off Lion and leads the march upstairs, followed by Steven, Dirk, Lion (who took some time because the stairs were only wide enough for humans, not necessarily pink lions), and finally Pearl. Up on the bow of the ship, all of the Kids, Davepetasprite, and one of the Nannasprites are waiting for them.

"Hey! You came!" John greets Steven excitedly as he flips around in the air like a happy dog.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world!" Steven runs over to John and pulls off his backpack. "I brought the snacks!"

"Oo! Nice!" John exclaims. "Also, that backpack is really cool."

"I know! The Cheeseburger backpack is the coolest, in my opinion," Steven says.

"Hey!" Jade adds. "If everything goes well we could have a picnic on the beach with all your snacks."

"But I don't have my swimsuit," Steven pouts.

"Don't worry! Me and Jade would go swimming on LOLAR and when we were done I would air-dry us using the windy thing!" John points out.

"Aw, we did?" Jade asks.

"Yeah you do-dammit, sorry! I forgot!" John curses at himself. "Then if you still have all the planets, we'll have to do it one day: you, me . . . and I guess Davepetasprite because Davesprite went with us."

"I remember swimming on LOLAR," Davepeta comments as they float overhead. "It was fun . . . but I don't really like getting wet now."

"You barely did back then," John points out.

Before John and Davepeta can start bickering, Pearl walks up and asks, "Where's Mr. Crocker? I'd assume you would have more adult supervision."

"We haven't had adult supervision for three years," John points out. A blue ghost hands floats up to John and ruffles up his already messed hair when he's done, soon followed by Nannasprite.

"Are you forgetting about me? Hoohoohoohoo," Nannasprite points out. She turns to Pearl, "Don't worry dearie, these are good kids. They wouldn't do anything stupid, hoohoohoohoo."

Meanwhile, in the background Roxy's lying precariously on Lion's back, _again_ as Lion walks towards Jane, "JANEY LOOK AT THIS PINK CAT!"

"Roxy thAT IS A LION!" Jane yells as Lion comes closer.

"He's very friendly and his mane feels like cotton candy!" Roxy announces as Lion gets close enough to sniff Jane's face. Jane puts out a tentative hand and then begins to slowly pet Lion's mane.

"Wow" Jane gasps. "It is . . . so soft."

"I knoooooooow," Roxy says before she buries her face into Lion's mane for the whateverth time.

Dirk enters the conversation as he turns to Jake and points at Lion, "Hey Jake, I'll pay you ten boonbucks to put your head in Lion's mouth."

"Well, boonbucks are rather disadvantageous on Earth," Jake points out. "But I'll be hornswoggled before I turned down such a formidable remonstrance! Tally ho!"

Pearl turns to Nannasprite as Jake runs over to Lion, fully prepared to put his head into Lion's mouth, "I'm sorry if I don't have complete confidence."

"Hey guys!" John turns around to the Alpha kids as Roxy tries to coax Lion to open his jaw. "We should probably get going!"

"We don't have all day!" Jade adds.

"We can do it when we get there," Jane promises a disheartened Jake.

"Alright," Jon floats back down to the ground and rubs his hands together as he prepares for . . . something. "Everyone ready?!"

"Ready for what?" Pearl asks and goes ignored.

"Can you really do this?" Dirk checks.

"I teleported my whole planet to your session, I can teleport a battleship," John scoffs.

"Teleport?" Pearl questions.

"Well, I'm not really sure if it's teleporting like scattering your atoms through the atmosphere from one point to another point, or blinking in and out of existence at different points, " John explains. "I'm working on that. I didn't get much after I stuck my arm into that window."

Pearl looks like she's having regrets but she can't voice them because John bends down and touches the ship, and suddenly they're all enveloped in a white light. It definitely doesn't feel like warping to Steven (he doesn't know which one of John's teleporting theories warp pads fit under) because you feel your whole body through it. This, it's like his body and conscious have been separated as he can't feel anything, but then suddenly he's back in existence and the whole ship too.

They're not in Beach City anymore. Steven looks over the side and all he can see is ocean and water for miles and miles, excluding a small, green island with a volcano.

Steven turns back to the deck. The sprites, Roxy and Jade seem unshaken, and Jane, Dirk and Jake just look like they weren't expecting that. Pearl looks worse for wear and Lion looks really confused. John just stands up with a wide grin on his face.

"Next time, a little warning," Jade says as she lightly pushes John's shoulder.

"But where's the fun in that?" John asks.

"No, please give us a warning next time," Pearl asks.

"Why didn't we just do that to get to this universe instead of flinging ourselves at a billion miles per hour across several dimensions?" Dirk asks.

John pauses for a moment, staring off into the distance before answering, "I dunno. We may never get an answer."

"You forgot, didn't you?"

"No . . . maybe."

"Hey!" Davepeta gets everyone's attention as they fly over to the side. "Jade, Jake! Is this your island?"

Jade and Jake run over to the side to see their old home, but they both get a sad look on their face when they finally see it.

"Aw . . . no Frog Temple," Jade sighs.

"And no forests or monsters," Jake adds.

"I think that's a good thing," Jane points out.

"But it's not home without the Tinkerbulls or the wild Aruthors milking everywhere," Jake sighs. "Every day was filled with rip-snorting adventures . . . and almost dying but what's a good adventure without suspense?"

"Let's go down!" Jade shouts, becoming cheery once again as she jumps up.

"Should I tell Dad to lower the ship?" Jane asks.

"Nah," John says. "Let's jump!"

With that, John jumps down and Jake's quick to follow. Roxy gives Lion a departing pat before she jumps down with them and Dirk shrugs before he jumps. Steven laughs at his new friend's antics and realizes that hey, he can float too, so he jumps as well.

"Steven!" Pearl quickly calls out.

"I'm fine!" Steven calls back, doing a flip in the sky as he slowly descends. "I can float, remember!"

"Oh, right," Pearl becomes embarrassed at herself.

"HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET THE FELT AND CONSORTS DOWN THERE!?" Jane yells, but no one answers, they're all having too much fun. Jane sighs before jumping herself, getting dragged into the fun.

Steven looks down and sees all of the Kids flying through the air, enjoying the rush of wind through their hair and spinning around. Steven lets himself fall a little bit faster so he can feel that same bursts of wind in his hair.

"Steven!" John exclaims as well as he flies up to him. "You can fly to0!?"

"More like float!" Steven laughs. "Or falling slowly!"

"Nice!" John laughs. "Hey, I've got an idea!"

John leans in to whisper into Steven ear. Steven quickly nods his head as soon as John's done and says, "That's a great idea! What is it called?"

"The Fastball Special," John grins.

Steven narrows his eyes, "Do it."

John begins to create a small whirlwind of air in his hand before he picks Steven up in it. Before Steven knows it, he's being launched across the sky, propelled by the wind, and soon enough he's crashing into Jade and clinging onto her, yelling, "SURPRISE!"

Jade grabs onto Steven to make sure he doesn't fall before immediately glaring up at the perpetrator without question. John's just laughing as he falls, but Jade's not ready for revenge yet, "You okay Steven?"

"Yeah! That was so much fun!" Steven shouts as he lets go of Jade and begins to float next to her.

"I didn't know you could fly!" Roxy exclaims as she floats past them.

"It's the part-Gem side of me!" Steven explains. "But, it's floating, not flying. I need to jump off something to propel myself up."

"I got the thing for that!" Roxy declares. She makes a generic object and throws it up in the air, its use implied. Steven immediately pushes off of it, and even though it's not a steady purchase, it's enough to send him floating back to John.

John grabs Steven by the arm and starts spinning around with Steven still hanging on. He's laughing and says, "We should make a game!"

"Stevenball!" Steven declares.

"Alright!" John agrees. "Ready?"

"Ready!"

John lets go of Steven and he's sent flying back towards Jade and Roxy, and Roxy lurches out to catch him in a giant bear hug. She lets him go and asks, "How is Stevenball played?"

"Throw me around and if I'm dropped, the other side gets a point!" Steven makes up.

"Nice! Batter's up!" Roxy announces as she sends Steven flying back towards John, who narrowly missed him but is them caught by Davepeta.

"Sup," Davepeta greets Steven.

"Not much, throw me again!" Steven declares.

"Alright, get ready," Davepeta declares as they hold Steven up above their head and then throws him right at Jade. Once again, Jade catches him and the volley continues.

Falling turns into flying as they all stay in the air, Jane, Jake and Dirk eventually joining in. Thankfully, Steven's never dropped even though is makes the game redundant. They end the game when the golden battleship lands on the island, and the Kids go to explore the island instead of its sky.

The Kids, Davepeta and Steven land in a grass field, instantly disturbing the island's residents: billions of butterflies, all sent scattering to the wind. The sky is then filled with little pink and purple flapping wings, dancing in the sunlight.

"Wow," Steven gasps, and the other Kids are speechless as well. Davepeta doesn't seem to notice the beauty of this, as they immediately get on all fours and try to pounce on one. They are part cat girl, after all.

"What are these?" Dirk asks as the butterflies spread further into the sky. "Pigeons?"

"Butterflies, Dirk," Jane explains. "Butterflies."

"Have you never seen a butterfly before?" Steven asks.

"My Earth was flooded, there was little to no land, so no," Dirk answers.

"Yeah, the only animals I ever saw were cats-cuz I made them," Roxy adds. "And fish. So many fish."

"Let's check on the Battleship," Jade says, already starting to run over. Everyone runs after her, with the exception of John who teleports in front of her and continued to fly there. Jade begins to fly to, in some sort of sibling race.

When they get there, Pearl is walking off the Battleship, Lion and the Felt at her heels though it looks like she doesn't want the Felt to be there. She lights up when she sees Steven and the Kids, "I asked Mr. Crocker to land the ship because it looked like you all were having fun."

"Thanks!" John replies.

"Yeah, thanks Pearl!" Steven adds.

"It was nothing," Pearl insists. "Just wanted to help your . . . friends get settled in. So, what about the island?"

"The only inhabitants are these butterflies," Jade explains as some of the butterfly horde flock around the golden ship and float around the Kids. Davepeta continues to try to catch one, while Jane simply holds up a finger and a butterfly lands there.

"There were never butterflies on my island," Jake points out as he observes the butterfly on Jane's finger.

"Me too," Jade adds. "But I think that's because my grandpa shot them all. And maybe all of the monsters on yours ate them."

"Most likely," Jake agrees.

"So now what?" Crowbar asks as he pushes forward towards Jake.

"We get you all set up with your spiffy new mansion," Jake states. "We just need to know where to put it."

"Maybe you guys can scout out a place you want it so I can make it," Roxy suggests.

Crowbar turns to his men and nods his head towards the open fields of the island. Wordlessly, they follow him as he stalks out. The Leprechauns scatter, but the blend in with the landscape so easily that you only know where they are by their colorful hats.

"And the consorts?" Dirk asks.

"I dunno," Jade worries. "Now I'm afraid of introducing them with all of these butterflies. I would be fine if there was nothing on it like my island, but I'm afraid that we might make these butterflies go extinct like my grandpa did."

"Your grandfather caused the extinction of an entire butterfly species?" Pearl questions.

"I only learned that later. Because he died . . ." Jade pauses to reminisce before randomly asking, "Y'know, speaking of my grandfather's death, where is Gcatavrosprite?"

"Probably somewhere being allergic to himself," John answers. "Why'd he even come with us? He doesn't like me."

"He doesn't like Vriska more," Jade explains.

"Alright, fair."

"So what about the extinction of a species?" Pearl reminds Jade.

"Oh right, sorry," Jade gets back on track. "Apparently, all of those butterflies only exist on this island because there are no predators. I already know that the crocodiles will eat anything so I don't think it will be safe for the butterflies if I release the consorts."

"Then where will the consorts go?" Steven asks.

"Back to their planets?" Jane suggests.

"It's not like they'll be lonely," John points out. "They've got each other. On LOWAS the salamanders had whole communities where they farmer mushrooms and such. And Dave mentioned something about LOHAC having a stock exchange so maybe those crocodiles have been smarter than we always thought."

"Alright, I guess," Jade agrees. "And we can always visit them."

"Right," John says. "But Casey stays."

"Of course. And the undead army?"

"I didn't teach my daughter to raise the dead. They can head back to whatever planet you choose."

"Okay, I'm gonna do that now," Jade says and she flies up to the top deck of the ship, disappearing from view as goes over the edge.

"So all we have to do is wait for the Felt?" Pearl asks.

"Yep," John answers. "But who knows how long it will take them to find a spot?"

"BOSS!" a member of the Felt runs of the horizon, he's wider than the others with a square head. He has a white hat with a blue strip that has the number ten on it. "BOSS WE FOUND A PLACE!"

"Spoke too soon," Dirk tells John.

"Where is it Sawbuck?" Jake asks as Sawbuck takes a moment to breath. Sawbuck doesn't answer, just points to a spot in the distance where there are very small colored dots. "Then tally ho!"

Jake leads the way as they run through the grass once again, disturbing the butterflies. The butterflies take to the skies and dance again, but they aren't stopping to admire nature's beauty like before.

All of the Felt are gathered in front of a relatively flat piece of land. Crowbar is standing in front of them looking proudly over what could be their new mansion. He turns to Jake, "Look at this boss. Ain't it perfect?"

"Yes!" Jake agrees. "You have a great view of the ocean!"

"And you'll be camouflaged by your surroundings," John adds.

"Roxy," Jake turns to Roxy. "Honors, please."

"Oh boy, I hope I can do this," Roxy steps forward and prepares. She holds out her hand, takes a deep breath and begins to concentrate. Second later, a large, green mansion appears out of thin air. Roxy opens her eyes and jumps up joy, "Wow! I actually did it!"

"Nice!" John high-fives Roxy, and she then moves down the lines of her friends: Dirk, Jane, Jake, Steven, and even a few members of the Felt.

"Then I guess we're done," Pearl says as she turns around and starts to head back to the ship.

"No, there's one thing left to do," John declares.

"What?" Pearl asks.

"Make use of Steven's snacks and have a BEACH PARTY!" John yells. The Alphas cheer at that decision and Steven joins in. As they all begin to chant 'BEACH PARTY', Pearl has no choice but to sigh and stay. Besides, what's an island adventure without a beach party?


	8. A Long Two Days

_9:00 AM, MONDAY_

Steven sleeps in late the next morning, tired from the beach party that took up the rest of the day. Steven's snacks didn't last long, but the fun sure did.

Steven rolls out of bed and trudges over to the kitchen where he begins to make breakfast. Half-way through, there's a knock on the door and Steven can see the smiling face of Roxy. Though he's half asleep he can't deny a guest, much less a friend, access to his humble abode. So he lazily says, "C'mon on in."

"Sorry for intrudin' on your morning," Roxy explains as she enters and walks over to the kitchen. "I started thinking about somethin' last night and it keeps on comin' back."

"Aren't you tired?" Steven asks first.

"Nah, I've survived on short nights sleeps for so many years, even before the game," Roxy explains. "But anyway, I was wondering if you would let me look at your transportalizer, wait, didn't you guys call it something different?"

"Warp pad?" Steven asks.

"Yeah! I was wonderin' if I could look at it some maybe I could make some more and hook it up to your system so we could travel to the island and back," Roxy continues.

"That sounds great!" Steven says, the excitement starting to wake him up. "Maybe you can even fix some of the broken warp pads."

"Bruh, once I figure out your system," Roxy declares. "Anything is possible. We could make one go to the island, put one on the battleship, put one at the pizza place so we don't have to waste time with travel-"

"I don't think Kofi will like that," Steven points out.

Roxy puts a hand on his shoulder and says, " _Anywhere_."

"Sounds nice!"

"Ok then if its fine with you I'm gonna get to work," Roxy says as she walks over to the warp pad. She walks around it once, carefully observing it before she sits down and opens a small hatch to look inside.

As Roxy gets to work, the door to the Temple opens and Pearl steps out. She immediate sees Roxy and asks, "Uh . . . what do you think you're doing?"

"Oh! Sorry! Just lookin' at your transportalizer to see what I need to do to make one," Roxy explains, not bothering to look up as she starts to mess around inside. "Man . . . this stuff is ancient! Like, it's all working and the mechanics are on par with the ones I used but all this stuff is so old! And I'm assumin' that it's all made out of materials not found on Earth-the 121st element anyone?"

"There are only 118 elements," Pearl points out.

"I'm from the future, remember? We had that whole talk about Guy Fieri and the Dual Presidents," Roxy replies.

"I'd rather forget that conversation," Pearl says.

"Yeah. Our future sucked. This universe'll have a better one though," Roxy continues. "Well anyway, I bet I can find substitutes for most of these, since my transportalizers weren't made from fancy space elements."

"That sounds expensive," Pearl points out. "How will you get the parts?"

"You saw me make a mansion yesterday-I'll just create them!"

"Then why don't you just make a warp pad?"

"Where's the fun in that?"

Pearl seems to light up, surprised that there's another person who shares her love of science and creating. She bends down and asks, "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all!" Roxy smiles back. "Let's get cracking!"

"Well we shouldn't crack the warp pad, that would render it useless, but if you mean by getting started, then yes, let's!"

Roxy and Pearl jump into talking about the functions of the warp pad, the differences between the designs they know, and how to make it all work. At least, Steven thinks that's what they're talking about. He loses track after a while and starts to go about his day.

 _10:25 AM, MONDAY_

Amethyst leaves the Temple and stumbles into Pearl and Roxy's creative mess. There are papers everywhere filled with sketches of warp pad designs and mathematical equations. Pearls brought out her tools and Roxy's creating parts to test out a miniature version of their design. Steven's sitting on the counter, looking over their work and asking a few questions here and there, but still not really getting the gist of it.

"Uh . . . what did I just walk into?" Amethyst asks. "Looks like some nerd stuff."

Pearl sighs, "Its scientific mathematical equations to work out the functions of the warp pad to recreate it."

"It's nerd stuff!" Roxy declares enthusiastically.

"I like her," Amethyst states as she walks over their papers, causing Pearl to glare at her but Roxy just continues working.

Amethyst walks into the kitchen towards the fridge and gets herself a snack. As soon as she turns around, a bright green light appears in the living room, leaving behind Die. Steven knowns that it's Die, because he was introduced to all of the Felt members the day before at the Beach Party. Die looks around confused for a moment, then down at the voodoo doll in his hands.

"This . . ." he begins. "Is not where I imagined I'd end up being."

He instantly puts the pin back into the voodoo doll and disappears once again.

"Did we all see that?" Amethyst asks.

"Yes," Steven answers.

"Nothing to worry about," Roxy insists. "The Felt always do that. Back to work."

 _11:30 AM, MONDAY_

"The Meteor should arrive two days from now," John informs Garnet. John, Dirk, Jane and Davepeta had come down from the ship at Steven's request, because Garnet asked him to get them.

"And we'll be prepared," Jane adds. "We're pretty well-rested so we'll be able to do what we did on Saturday, and there's people on the Meteor who can help too."

"Hhm," Garnet pauses to think and probably it over with herself. "Thank-you. The Crystal Gems are the protectors of the Earth, and last time we came close. I don't want anything bad to happen."

"Us too," John adds.

Without another word, Garnet heads back into the Temple, leaving the kids outside.

"Okay . . ." John says. "We've got two days. What should we do?"

"Prepare?" Dirk suggests.

"Nah," John insists.

"Hhm," Steven wonders for a moment. "You guys haven't met Lapis yet! We can go over to the barn, meet her, and I can show you around!"

"Who's Lapis?" John asks. "Wait, never mind, as long as it cures my boredom."

"You're bored already?" Jane asks.

"Well I've exhausted Ghostbusters Online, we've ridden every ride at the carnival, and we've only been here two days-one was spent on an island-so I actually don't know what else there is too do."

 _12:00 PM, MONDAY_

"And here's the barn!" Steven announces as he leads John, Jane, Dirk and Davepeta into the barn. "It's got old stuff, dust, the remains of our giant drill we used to drill to the center of the Earth and Peridot's robot, an old truck, a loft, the giant hole in the wall from when Peridot broke out of the barn with her giant robot, some art Lapis and Peridot made, a picture of my dad's aunt and uncle everything!"

"Hhm . . . I feel like a couple of those were not like the others," Dirk points out.

"I like the whole barn feel," John comments as he looks around. "And the giant broken drill."

"So who are you introducing us to, Steven?" Jane asks.

"Lapis! She might be on top of grain storage thingy though. She likes to spend time up there," Steven explains. He turns around to the entrance to check, but Peridot and Lapis are already walking towards them, "Oh, there you guys are!"

"Where else would we be?" Peridot questions.

"Never mind," Steven says. "But anyways, I brought over some of the Kids! Lapis, Peridot, this is Dirk, John, Jane and Davepeta!"

"Sup," Dirk and Davepeta say at the same time.

"Nice to meet you," Jane adds.

"Hey," John finishes.

Steven turns to the kids, "And you guys have already met Peridot, but this is Lapis!"

"Hi," Lapis says in a monotone voice.

"Do you need to like, hear the story about what happened?" John asks. "Because I don't want to do that again."

"Do not worry!" Peridot proclaims. "I recorded your story and played it to Lazuli as soon as I returned to the barn!"

"I didn't really pay attention," Lapis reveals. "But I don't really care. You're just stuck here now, like me."

"It's not like there was anywhere else to go," John points out.

"Weren't there more of you?" Peridot questions as she looks between the members of the group.

"Roxy's helping Pearl with the warp pads," Steven explains. "I don't know about Jade and Jake though."

"They're clearing out the consorts and cleaning the ship," John adds. "Except for Casey. Y'know, I should've brought her along!"

"As long as you don't sing again," Dirk comments.

"Hey! I had to sing that! It was a parallel when rugged ex-con with a heart of gold Cameron Poe reunited with his beloved daughter Casey!" John insists.

"I suppose it was a very touching moment," Jane says.

"Yeah, until Dirk decapitated himself," John glares at Dirk.

"There was no way out of it," Dirk argues. "I had to get away from your singing."

"Walking into another room would've had the same effect," Jane points out.

Lapis turns to Steven, "What are they talking about?"

"I . . . still don't know," Steven admits. He figures he should try to break up the potential argument anyway, "Hey! Guys! How about instead of arguing, we play a game!"

"That sounds much better," Jane agrees.

"What do you ya got?" Davepeta asks.

"Well . . . we can play Stevenball!" Steven realizes.

"Steven . . . ball?" Peridot questions.

"Yeah, it's when everyone flies and throws me around!" Steven explains. "Because the kids can fly and so can Lapis!"

"Really?" John asks. Lapis doesn't say anything, just unveils her water wings and floats off the ground. John gasps, "I'm not sure how that's physically possible but that's cool."

"Welcome to the Flying Club," Davepeta says to Lapis.

" . . . Thanks?" Lapis replies. She turns to Steven, "Is this safe?"

"Yeah, we played it yesterday! And I can just float!" Steven adds.

"Sounds good," John agrees. "What about teams?"

"Shirts and skins?" Dirk suggests.

"Wings and no wings," Davepeta says.

"Blues and . . . people who aren't blue," John says lamely. "Like me and Lapis cuz we're blue, and the rest of you on another team."

"Boys verses girls," Jane adds.

"Peridot, you decide," Steven decides.

"Hhm, well, I'm not exactly sure what all the possible team combinations are," Peridot begins. "As I don't understand what the difference between 'shirts and skins' and 'boys verses girls'."

"Shirts and skins is just that half of everyone takes off their shirts and the others don't," Dirk explains. "I call being on the skins team."

"I say we don't do shirts and skins," John says.

"No fun," Dirk grumbles.

"Really, the only one that makes sense to be is blue verse . . . other colors," Peridot decides.

"Alright that's decided, let's play!" John shouts. He pushes himself off the ground and scoops Steven up as he flies out of the barn into the sky. Lapis follows close behind, worried about Steven's safety. Dirk, Jane and Davepeta comes out shortly afterwards. Peridot doesn't come out of the barn after a while until she climbs onto the roof.

As soon as the Other Colors team settles in the sky, John spikes Steven yelling, "SUCK IT OTHER COLORS! BLUE RULES!" and the game begins.

 _1:43 PM, MONDAY_

"Okay, Lapis admits as she steps back onto the ground with everyone else." That was fun."

"I know, right?" Steven agrees.

"I guess you can say that we all had . . ." John begins. "A _ball_ playing."

Steven laughs, Peridot awkwardly laughs, Lapis and Jane roll their eyes, but Dirk has an extremely different reaction.

"There's no way out of it," Dirk says as he pulls out another sword, not the one that was shrunk two days before.

"Oh shit!" John exclaims. Jane tries to run over while John blocks Steven's view. Davepeta does the same, covering Peridot's eyes with their wings while Peridot loudly complains about it.

Steven can hear the sick sound of the blade cutting through skin and then a thump. But a few seconds later he can hear Dirk's voice again, "Lol."

"THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT DIRK MARTHA STRIDER!" Jane shouts. Davepeta and John back away from protecting Steven's and Peridot's innocence. Dirk's head is back where it belongings, but the blade on the ground is covered in blood. "WHERE ARE YOU EVEN KEEPING ALL THESE SWORDS!?"

"That's something for me to know and for you to never find out."

 _2:13 PM, MONDAY_

"How did all these swords get in the fridge?" Steven asks. He immediately turns to Dirk, who's sitting on the counter and eating lunch, as he asked if he could have some when they returned from the barn.

Dirk only shrugs under Steven glare, "Oh sorry. I didn't know where else to put them."

"So you put them in the fridge?"

"Made sense at the time. I can remove them if you want, but I don't know where else to hide them."

"You can ask Amethyst to hide them in her room," Steven suggests as a plan formulates in his head. "Her room is filled with stuff, so she would be able to hide them very easily."

"Oh. Thanks," Dirk gets off the barstool, walks over to the fridge, grabs the armful of swords and walks over to the Temple door. Hopefully, since Dirk can't get into the Temple without a gem, he won't be able to get to his swords and decapitate himself anymore.

 _7:35 PM, MONDAY_

"WE'RE READY!" Roxy shouts from the beach. Even though Steven's inside the house, he can hear her from the warp pad thanks to the megaphone she created earlier.

"I'M READY TOO!" Steven shouts back from the twin megaphone he was given.

"ALRIGHT, BEGINNING COUNTDOWN. TESTING IN 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . . GO!"

Steven warps, the light beaming up around him and transporting him through space. Soon, the light fades into the warp pad beneath him, and he's outside on the battleship, standing on the warp pad recently made and attached to the ship's deck.

"It worked!" Pearl celebrates. Roxy drops the megaphone as she jumps up and down in joy. Pearl continues, "This is amazing! Just think off all the other places we can go now that we can create warp pads! We can reinstate the warps at the Communication Tower, oh and on Mask Island!"

"To check in with the Watermelon Stevens!" Steven adds.

"And Jade and Jake's island!" Roxy continues. "Man that needs a better name. Jade Island? Jake Island? Green Island? Greenland!"

". . . I believe Greenland is already a country," Pearl points out.

"Not in the future it's not," Roxy counters.

"Well, anyway," Pearl moves on. "I'd say this is a complete success!" Pearl starts to falter when she sees Roxy's contemplative face looking out on the beach, ". . . Is something wrong?"

"Hhm . . ." Roxy begins. "I'm just thinking about what we should do with all of the green cubes on the beach. . ."

"Oh," Pearl wasn't expecting that. "We should probably do something about that."

"Yeah, we should."

 _9:36 AM, TUESDAY_

" _Cleain' up the beach dootle-oot doot doot! Cleain' up the beach dootle-oot doot doot!_ " Steven sings as he picks up generic objects and tosses them into the rucksacks Roxy made. " _Cleain' up the beach dootle-oot doot doot!_ "

"Nice Spongebob reference bro," John comments as he floats by. His block-collecting technique is using the windy thing to blow the blocks up off the ground into the rucksacks, but it also picks up sand. There's actually sand pouring out of the holes in the bottom of his rucksack.

"Spongebob?" Steven questions.

"Yeah, Spongebob," John says. Steven doesn't change his confused expression. "You've literally never heard of Spongebob Squarepants?"

"Not that I know of."

John face changes to a dire look as he grips Steven's shoulder, "How? You were singing the 'Steppin' on the Beach' song perfectly, with a few word changes!"

John throws his hands up in the air to continue his rant, but he is suddenly hit in the head by a green black. He whips his head towards Roxy, who had made good use of the blocks by building a fort and has even raised a rucksack flag.

"Ha! Take that Johnny!" Roxy announces, arms raised high in the air in a victory pose.

"Oh wait until I get back at you!" John's distracted. He pulls out a block from his rucksack and prepares to throw it but Roxy stops him.

"Can't have a fort war without a fort Johnny! Forts win wars!"

John stops, mutters something that sounds like ' _Snowball Effect_ ' before an unseen member of the Felt pops out of nowhere and slams John into the sand.

Steven hasn't seen this member of the Felt before. He's wearing a blue top hat with the number 2 on it and now that Steven thinks about it, he was wondering where the number 2 was when Jake introduce him to the Felt at the Beach Party.

"Oh!" Jake comes running over, his own fort left behind as he approaches the Felt members, who is taking an oddly long time to get off of John. "Doze! So that's where you scampered off too. Well not, scampered since you magically appeared here."

"Oh . . . hey . . . . . . Jake . . . . . ." Doze slowly greets Jake. He finally stands up in full and John bolts up next to him.

"So what happened?!" Roxy yells, refusing to leave her fort.

"It . . . . . . was . . . . . . Canss . . . . . ." Doze answers.

"Oh, yes that does make sense," Jake muses.

"Why?" Steven asks.

"Cans . . . . . . can . . . . . . pun . . . ch . . . . . . peo . . . ple . . . . . . a . . . week . . . . . . in . . . to . . . . . . the . . . . . . fut . . . ture . . . . . ." Doze explains. It takes about three minutes for something that could takes two seconds. The most surprising part is that they all just stood there and listened to him take three minutes for the explanation.

"Basically, punch them into next week, literally," Jake adds.

"And what's Doze's time power?" Steven continues.

"My . . . . . . pow . . . er . . . . . . is . . . . . . to . . . . . ." Doze begins.

"He can speed up time around him," John says. "Which makes him really slow."

"Spe . . . ed . . . . . . up . . . . . . ti . . . me . . . . . . a . . ."

"So we should probably get you to the new Felt Mansion, right old chap?" Jake asks Doze nudging him a little bit. Doze slowly moves side to side from the nudge, like it's a slow motion scene in a movie. It's actually kinda freaky.

" . . . roun . . . d . . . . . . me . . . . . . and . . . . . ."

"Oh!" Roxy bursts from her fort, tearing it down and messing up the beach again, "We can use the new transportalizer pad system me and Pearl made yesterday!"

"Yes . . . . . . I . . . . . . wou . . . ld . . . . . . lo . . . ve . . . . . . to . . . . . . go . . . . . . to . . . . . ."

"Can't I just teleport him there and back?" John questions. "It would be quicker."

"The . . . . . . new . . . . . . Fe . . . lt . . . . . . Man . . . sion . . . . . ."

"And I don't think you set up a warp pad there yet," Steven adds.

" Wa . . . it . . . . . . te . . . le . . . po . . . rt . . . ta . . . tion . . . . . .?"

"Fuh-ine," Roxy sighs. "Be fun-haters."

"I am the funnest person on the planet Roxy," John says as he grabs Doze's arm, who once slowly moves in place as he's yanked. John's gone in a flash of light.

"FUNNEST ISN'T EVEN A WORD JOHNNY!"

 _10:16 AM, TUESDAY_

After cleaning up all the blocks on the beach, Steven retreats inside to catch an early-morning rerun of Crying Breakfast Friends. The only person inside is Dirk, as he had asked Steven if he could hijack some breakfast cereal from him, and Steven was more than happy to help.

"Hi again Dirk!" Steven says as he starts to make his way up to his room.

"Mornin'," Dirk replies. "Long time no see."

"If you consider five minutes a long time," Steven counters.

"Well, there are infinite numbers between one and two, so there's an even more infinite between one and five, which is pretty damn long." Dirk counters.

"I think that's only if you're talking about numbers, not time," Steven says.

"But isn't time just numbers?" Dirk argues.

Steven pauses to rethink his life as Dirk begins to pour milk into his cereal. It accidentally splashes over onto the counter, creating a small mess. This knocks Steven out of his stupor because according to Jane, Dirk once took "crying over spilled milk" to a whole new level.

Steven's prepared to knock away a sword but Dirk just pauses, looks side to side as if to see if anyone's there, and grabs a paper towel to clean up the milk. Steven stops once again and gives Dirk a questioning look.

"Let's just keep this between us," Dirk says as he throws the wet paper towel away and picks up his cereal. "Anything good on TV at this hour? I wouldn't know, because I never had cable. Because I'm from the future and blah blah bah actually I'm get tired of repeating that."

 _12:00 AM, TUESDAY_

"Aw man," Dirk says his cereal bowl long discards as he sits at the foot of Steven's bed. "That was really good."

"You really think so?" Steven asks, getting excited.

"Yeah bro, like the animation, the characters, it's amazing," Dirk continues.

"OMG! No one ever likes Crying Breakfast Friends!" Steven exclaims as he falls backward onto his bed.

"There's more, right?" Dirk asks.

"I mean yeah, there's actually a whole week of new episodes, it's called the Breakfast Platter. They keep on releasing episodes in groups instead of weekly, but as long as I get new episodes I' not complaining."

"I love TV."

 _2:29 PM, TUESDAY_

Steven ends up visiting his dad at the car wash in the afternoon, mainly because Mr. Crocker wishes to get to know him better. Jane comes along to translate, and she reveals to Steven that he probably just wants to make a friend with another dad, which Steven is happy to support.

Down at 'It's a Wash', Steven sees that his dad is working on the van again, probably because it's a slow day and it's broken again, "Hi Dad!"

"Oh yeah!" Greg rolls out from under the car on one of the car-board-wheelie-thingies and stands up. "Hey Stew-ball! I see you brought some friends!"

"Yeah, we just wanted to see what was up," Steven reveals.

"Hi Mr. Universe," Jane adds with a wave. Mr. Crocker just holds out his hand and Greg shakes it.

"Well, not much is going on up here," Greg sighs. "Just trying to fix up the van again, I wanna see if I can do it myself before I turn it into the mechanic."

"What's the problem?" Jane asks.

"The current problem is that I'm having trouble fitting under the van to see what the problem is, because I don't think it's the engine," Greg sighs.

Mr. Crocker taps Jane's shoulder and sighs something. Jane turns to Greg, "I think my dad can help with that."

"If you want to try, go ahead," Greg steps aside. Mr. Crocker doesn't get down, instead he walks to the front of the van, grabs the bumper with one hand, and lifts it up over his head effortlessly. Greg can easily fit underneath to get a look at the van now, but he's too busy staring at Mr. Crocker with utter surprise in fascination. Steven's doing that too. Jane just seems proud.

"My dad's pretty strong," Jane informs everyone.

"Yeah, wow!" Greg gasps. He gets under the van and starts to look it over, "Thank-you, just let me know if you get too tired!"

Mr. Crocker waves his free hand in response, as if to say that it wouldn't happen.

"Wow Jane how is your dad so strong!?" Steven gasps.

"I think it just runs in the family," Jane says. "He never seemed to work out, and I don't think he had any exercise equipment in his room or the breezeway."

And Mr. Crocker certainly doesn't look like a body-builder, his white suit makes him look slim rather than buff. Steven can't believe how strong he is.

"He actually managed to defeat Cans," Jane adds.

"The guy who can literally punch people into next week?!" Steven exclaims.

"Yep."

"Wow."

Steven looks starry-eyed at Mr. Crocker when an odd idea comes into his head. It actually comes to mind when his dad's done and Mr. Crocker sets down the car, and looks as though he just didn't lift the front end of a van. Steven can't help but reveal his great idea, "Mr. Crocker! You and Garnet should arm-wrestle!"

"What?" Jane asks and Mr. Crocker signs what Steven supposes is the same question.

"Both you and Garnet are like, super strong!" Steven explains. "And it would be cool to see who's stronger through and arm-wrestling competition!"

"Uh . . . Dad?" Jane looks to Mr. Crocker for his input. He quickly signs something, and Jane translates, "He would actually love to do that!"

"Really!?" Steven checks. Mr. Crocker nods his head.

"Be careful Joel," Greg advise Mr. Crocker. He's about to put his hand on Mr. Crocker's shoulder but stops himself before he can dirty up Mr. Crocker's white shirt with his greasy hand. Greg continues, "I know you're pretty, strong-I just saw, and thanks again, by the way-but Garnet's also pretty strong. So stay safe."

Mr. Crocker give Greg and thumbs up and a small smile. If Steven's right, then this will be the arm-wrestling match to end all other arm-wrestling matches.

 _5:45 PM, TUESDAY_

"FOR ONE NIGHT ONLY, THE ARM-WRESTLING MATCH OF THE CENTURY! FEATURING MR. CROCKER, THE DAD EXTREME AND GARNET, THE FUSION EXTRODINAIRE! WHO WILL WIN!?"

"I don't think you need to use the megaphone Steven, we're all here," Pearl points out.

"But it makes it more exciting!"

And it's not like they needed any more excitement, since the whole thing is already pretty great. Steven spent most of the afternoon setting up the "arena" on the beach, with some help from Roxy who made all of the pink chairs. Steven set up the stage from some of his dad's old touring equipment and the table where said arm-wrestling would take place.

The crowd is filled with all of the Kids, Davepeta, one of the Nannasprites, Casey, Itchy, Sawbuck (Steven's not sure how they got here, or why Sawbuck has a fork sticking out of his chest), the Gems (even Lapis and Peridot), his dad, and even a few people from town like Lars, Sadie, Ronaldo, and the Cool Kids. Steven feels like he did a pretty good job getting the word out. Everyone is already wildly cheering for their chosen side.

Steven's on the stage with Garnet and Mr. Crocker, who are facing each other down on across the table . . . okay not really Steven's not sure what Garnet's looking at and Mr. Crocker is lighting his pipe. The other Nannasprite is on stage to referee the arm-wrestling match and Steven, of course, is the MC.

Steven holds the megaphone back up to his mouth, "IS EVERYONE READY!?"

The crowd roars back.

"LET'S GET STARTED!" Steven shouts. "IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE THE AMAZING GARNET, WHO HAS DEFEATED JASPER AND DEFEATED A MONSTER THAT WAS A THOUSAND TIMES HER SIZE! IN THE OTHER CORNER IS MR. CROCKER, THE STONG DAD WHO CAN LIFT UP A VAN AND PUNCHED OUT A GUY WHO CAN LITERALLY PUNCH PEOPLE INTO NEXT WEEK! WHAT WILL BE THE END OF THIS AWESOME MATCH-UP? WHO WILL WIN? LET'S FIND OUT! ARM'S UP!"

Garnet and Mr. Crocker both put their arms up on the table and grip each other's hand. Mr. Crocker uses his free hand to adjust his pipe, and he looks rather relaxed where he is. Garnet just looks stoic as ever. Nannasprite puts her floating hand over their hands, waiting for Steven's cue.

"READY!" Steven begins, and the crowd shouts along with him. "STEADY . . . GO!"

Nannasprite lifts up her hand and Garnet and Mr. Crocker begin to push against each other as hard as they can. It's at a stand-still with a little wavering, but it's clear that they're closely matched. Even though nothing seems to be happening, the crowd is still going wild.

"IT SEEMS TO STILL BE AN EVEN MATCH OH WAIT! GARNET SEEMS TO BE GAINING SOME GROUND!" Steven commentates as he watches Garnet slowly push Mr. Crocker's hand towards the edge of the table. That's when Mr. Crocker's support decide to change their cheering tactic.

Steven watches as the Kids stands up and begin to stomp-stomp-clap (which is hard to do because they're stomping on sand) and chant, "WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU! WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU!"

Steven knows that Garnet can't be distracted, and Mr. Crocker can't hear, but maybe he saw his team stand up to cheer for him and that inspired him to push against Garnet harder until their hands start to lean towards his side of the table. Or maybe he's just that good. Steven will choose to believe the inspiration thing.

"IT LOOKS LIKE MR. CROCKER'S FANS HAVE PUSHED HIM TO GAINING THE UPPER _HAND_!" Steven announces. The Kids cheer and continue their chant, and Steven swears he can hear a few groans in the crowd.

"C'MON GARNET YOU CAN DO THIS!" Amethyst jumps out of her seat to yell.

"YOU CAN DO IT!" Pearl adds, getting swept up in excitement.

"GARNET! GARNET! GARNET!" Peridot starts, and some of the Beach City residents join in out of home town pride and the fact that they really want to see Garnet win.

Garnet pushes back until they're at the stand-still again. She manages to push him farther to her side, stirring the Kids to shout and chant louder. Mr. Crocker uses his free hand to take his pipe out of his mouth and grits his teeth. He wipes back the sweat of his forehead, and pushes back his fedora to reveal his eyes, which are usually hidden by the brim of his hat. They're blue like John's and filled with pure DETERMINATION.

"GARNET'S PUSHING TOWARDS THE BLOCK BUT IT LOOKS LIKE MR. CROCKER'S GETTING SERIOUS. HE'S PUSHING BACK WITH ALL HIS MIGHT! HE'S FILLED WITH DETERMINATION! HE'S PUSHED HER BACK TO THE TOP AND CONTINUES TO FIGHT TO GAIN GROUND!"

In the crowds, the chants of "WE WILL ROCK YOU!" and "GARNET! GARNET!" continue to get louder as they try to top each other. Steven hopes someone doesn't file a noise complaint.

Garnet grits her teeth, beginning to get even more serious than she was before. She pushes Mr. Crocker's hand back up to the top once again, and slowly begins to force it down.

"GARNET'S GIVING IT HER ALL AS SHE PUSHES MR. CROCKER'S HAND DOWN! CAN SHE DO IT? OR WILL MR. CROCKER ONCE AGAIN STEAL IT FROM THE JAWS OF DEFEAT. AND . . ."

In one short-lived movement, Garnet brings Mr. Crocker's hand down far enough that she can quickly force it to touch the table before he can react and push back.

"Match!" Nannasprite announces.

"AND THE WINNER IS GARNET!" Steven announces. The Beach City side of the crowd cheers, and so does the Kids side, though not as enthusiastic. They still seem to be pretty happy about the whole thing.

Mr. Crocker and Garnet both stand up. Mr. Crocker readjusts his hat, wipes off the sweat on his forehead, and relights his pipe before he holds out his hand one more time. Garnet half smiles and shakes his hand.

"Good game."

Mr. Crocker nods his head, but he means the same.

 _1:47 AM, WEDNESDAY_

Steven wakes up, suddenly remembering that despite the last three blissful days, the meteor containing everyone else is coming tomorrow morning.

Steven looks over at the clock. Scratch that. The meteor is coming today.


	9. Meteor

At 7:34 AM, Steven walks outside of his house, fully dressed for the day, to already see the Kids at work. Last night, when they said that they were going to prepare for the Meteor's arrival, he wasn't expecting this.

The stage, which had been left up because it was late, now has a huge banner on it in blue, green, orange, and pink letters that says 'WELCOME TO EARTH' strung up on the floor lights. There wear also now pink beach chairs instead of the folding chairs Roxy made last night, and currently Roxy and John are relaxing in them. Jane and one of the Nannasprites are setting up a table filled with food. It seems that they're preparing for a rather anti-climactic entrance of the Meteor. Steven disagrees.

When Steven gets down to the Beach, Dirk is the first person to greet him, "Yo. What time is that new Crying Breakfast episode on?"

"Uh . . . 7:00," Steven answers. "Is . . . this how you guys are preparing for the Meteor?"

"Yeah. John will do his thing and Dave and Aradia said they had a plan, so we'll be good," Dirk explains.

"What about . . ." Steven pauses to look around. "The rolls-tay?"

"That what?" Dirk questions.

Steven sighs and whispers, "The Trolls?"

"You should probably talk to John, Jade and Davepeta on that one," Dirk advises. "The . . . rolls-tay were their friends first and they know them better."

"Alright, thank-you!" Steven continues on and walks over to John, who's enjoying an apple juice with Roxy as they talk about apple juice.

"Look, that's why you always gotta check before you drink some apple juice," John finishes and takes another sip of his apple juice. "You never know if someone's pissed in it."

"Because of a movie called Little Monsters with Howie Mandel?" Roxy checks.

"Yeah, I'll show it to you later. I thought it was really great when I was 13 . . . I'm not sure it withstood the tests of time though. Anyway, you just gotta be careful."

"Wow. I am never drinking apple juice the same way ever again."

"And that's why I'm drinking this apple juice," John continues. "It's a callback to the time I convince Dave that the apple juice in his closet was filled with piss."

Steven knows that he can probably interject into this conversation at any time, but it is so horribly fascinating he can't stop listening.

"Are you actually going to piss in it?"

"Maybe."

"What about the seal?"

"Darn it, you're right. He always checks for the seal ever since that prank."

"How do you know?"

"He told me that after I offered him some apple juice before I left. It was actually just plain apple juice I took from some crocodile."

"Did he accept it?"

"Yeah, the seal wasn't broken."

"What if the crocodile pissed in it?"

"Oh my god."

"I know."

"Holy shit."

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Mhm-hmm."

"But it was sealed."

"Maybe they know how to seal it."

"That would be the best prank ever."

"Yes it would."

"I wonder what crocodile piss taste like."

"I don't know."

"I wonder if it's worse than human piss or better."

" . . . Johnny."

"Yes?"

"Do you know what human piss tastes like?"

"No but it can't help to be curious. I would ask Bear Grylls but he just stuff a tube up his butt."

"Oh."

". . ."

"Who's Bear Grylls?"

Steven feels like this is about as good a time as any to interject into this conversation hat has already gone too far off the track, "Hey guys!"

"Hey Steven!" John happily responses.

"Sup Steve-o," Roxy adds.

"Hey John, I wanted to talk to you about the rolls-tay and the ems-gay," Steven says.

"Rolls-tay?" Roxy questions.

"Why are we speaking in pig Latin there are no Gems around?" John asks instead.

"What's a rolls-tay?"

"Just to be safe," Steven says. "Because I'm worried. Dirk said that you, Jade and Davepeta were working on that or something."

"And ems-gay?"

"Yeah, let's go and get Jade, she's working on it right now," John stands up. "Follow me."

"You guys are going to leave me hanging that's okay go have fun."

John begins to lead Steven across the beach, towards Jade and Davepeta who are talking together a safe distance away from the beach. He pauses at an open cooler filled with apple juice, picks up a bottle of AJ and holds it out to Steven, "Want some apple juice?"

Steven takes a look at it, remembering the pee, and declines, "Uh . . . I'll pass."

". . . You heard that whole thing about apple juice and pee, didn't you."

"Yeah."

"I am so sorry."

John drops the apple juice into the cooler and continues to walk away.

"Why do you even need all of that AJ for?" Steven questions.

"Dave really likes apple juice, we thought we'd surprise him with some of his favorite drink," John explains.

"Did Roxy make it?" Steven continues.

"No, your dad gave my dad some money for helping fix his car, and we decided to buy some fresh food for our friends," John explains. "Including a cooler full of AJ, a bowl full of Skittles (because apparently Terezi really likes that), and some other stuff. I don't even know how Jane found out about all that or she just has an amazing chef's intuition. Hey Jade! Davepeta! Steven wanted to talk about rolls-tay!"

"Why are we talking in pig Latin?" Jade questions.

"Ust-jay oll-ray ith-way it-yay," Davepeta flawlessly replies.

"To be secret," Steven explains.

"The Gems aren't around," Jade points out.

"Just in case," Steven adds.

"That's why we're out here," Jade continues.

"Ho-way ares-cay? It's-yay un-fay," Davepeta continues.

"When did you become fluent in pig Latin?" John questions.

"Irony-yay."

"That's just irony with a yay one the end."

"Hat's-tay ow-hay he-tay anguage-lay orks-way."

Jade sighs and turns her attention on Steven, "So what are you worried about?"

"Well, I know that we don't know how the Gems are going to react and I'm worried about that," Steven explains. "I just want everyone to be happy so you all can live on Earth. Rose said that the trolls are okay, but the Gems might not think that."

"Yeah, I feel the same," Jade sighs. "Some of the trolls are assholes, and some of them have gotten better since I first met them, but still. Karkat said that he wanted to talk to the first above all. He said something about preparing a speech? I can only think about how Dave's dealing with that. And if that goes south somehow, we have Davepeta."

"Davepeta?" Steven questions.

"I-yay am-yay art-pay roll-tay, emember-ray?" Davepeta says.

"Uh, can you repeat in English?"

"I am part troll, remember?" Davepeta repeats. "The Gems have been living beside me nicely, even though they don't know I'm part-troll. If it comes down to it, I'll step in and explain at least some of it to them."

"Oh, right, I forgot," Steven says. "Though, that doesn't quite help. What if they decide to . . .?"

"Attack me?"

"Yeah. They're kinda protective and will do what they think will protect the Earth."

"I don't blame 'em. Trolls were fed lies about Gems just like they've been fed lies about the trolls. I wasn't sure about living with you Gems at first too, mainly because of Nepeta side. I've been gladly proved wrong," Davepeta sprite says. "But I can stand up fur myself."

"What lies?" Steven asks.

"Lots. It was a lotta mud-slingin' since we were competitors, but we were so alike that it was almost like insulting ourselves. The specifics don't matter."

"Karkat will probably address them in his speech, if I know him well enough," Jade points out.

"And what if they don't give up?" Steven continues.

"We stand by our friends," John decides. "Even if that means leaving to prevent any fighting."

"We can bunker down on my island to decide what we're going to do," Jade sadly admits.

"I hope it doesn't come to that," Steven sighs.

Jade places a hand on Steven's shoulder, "Me too."

"HEY STEVE-O! JOHNNY!" Roxy shouts from the other side of the beach. There seems to be more people now, probably the Gems. "THE GEMS WANT TO TALK TO YOU!"

"Let's go over there!" John says. He starts to float, grabs Steven by the arms, and quickly flies over with one gust. Steven laughs as John drops him in front of the Gems and John floats down beside him.

"Good morning!" Steven greets his family. All of the Crystal Gems are here, even Peridot and Lapis.

"It looks like . . . preparation for the Meteor is going well," Pearl says as she looks around.

"I'll admit, it's for a best case scenario," John says. "But that's how you gotta think, positive."

"I'd rather think realistically," Pearl argues.

"If we can stop a giant battle ship, we can stop a meteor," Dirk adds in as he wanders over with Lapis.

"Hey Steven," Lapis greets.

"Hey Lapis! What are you doing here?" Steven asks.

"Well, since I managed to steal the ocean one time the Crystal Gems thought I could help out," Lapis explains.

"Stole the ocean?" Dirk asks. The only answer he gets is from John.

"Grand Theft Aquatic," John says as he giggles.

"Please stop."

"Yes, we were rather . . . useless last time," Pearl explains. "And I thought it would be well if this time we could lend a hand."

"Yeah! With my windy thing and Lapis's hydrokinesis were could make a hurricane to stop the meteor!" John proclaims.

"A hurricane sounds . . . a bit extreme," Pearl points out.

"Water spout," Dirk suggests.

"Alright, water spout."

"Hey everyone!" Jake shouts as he floats down from the ship. "I finally found the telescope! It was a tricky bugger to find!"

Jake touches ground to the sand and begins to set up the tripod the telescope lies on. Jane walks over from her station at the snack table and taps him on the shoulder, "I don't think we'll need it anymore."

Jane points up to the sky and though it's small, it's clear that something large and spherical and racing towards the surface of the Earth. Jake just says, "Oh."

"Well then," John turns to Lapis. "Time to do our thing, huh?"

Lapis shrugs, "I suppose."

They both walk to the edge of the beach and being to prepare to catch the meteor, but just John predicted, the Meteor's arrival is rather anti-climactic. As the Meteor gets closer it becomes clearer that there are two giant, red cogs on either side, slowly spinning and clicking away in time. Whatever they are, they seem to be slowing down the Meteor. Despite that, John still does the windy thing and Lapis summons giant water hands to catch the impending Meteor.

Steven finds that he's not worried about the Meteor crashing into the Earth because of the performance on stopping the Battleship and he's more concerned about what will happen when the Gems and Trolls will meet. He decides to relax with Roxy in one of the lawn chairs, opens up a bottle of cold AJ (despite the pee warning) and waits.

Steven's almost finished his AJ when Lapis and John catch the Meteor. Up close, it's almost as big as all of Beach City, but only because of all the building and walkways on the giant rock. When John lets the windy thing go and Lapis drops her hands, the Meteor floats in the air. The red cogs slowly tick until they stop, and then they fade away.

"Steven!" Pearl turns around from her position standing with the Gems. "Let's go greet our new . . ." She fumbles as she realizes that for the past hour he's been relaxing with Roxy. "Is that what you have been doing while a giant Meteor that could cause us all our dooms falls from the sky? Relaxing in a lawn chair and drinking apple juice?"

"Yep."

"Oh. Well, let's go meet our new residents, shall we?"

Steven gets up from his chair as two figures, one in red and the other in orange float down from the top of the Meteor. Roxy jumps out of her seat in excitement as she sees them, "ROSIE! DAVY!"

"That's Rose and Dave?" Steven questions.

"Yeah!" Roxy yells as she runs over to where everyone is convening to meet the last two humans. She kicks up sand in her wake and luckily enough, none of it gets in his eyes. Steven runs after her, as he's getting excited to finally meet the person he saw in his dreams and get to know the two people he's heard most about these past couple days.

As soon as Rose and Dave touch down they're basically tackled with hugs from all the kids dog-pilling on them. Steven waits at the side with all the Gems, laughing at the Kids antics as they refuse to get up, but finally they have to give. They get up and Steven gets a good look at their guests.

Rose looks the same, but Steven hasn't even seen a picture of Dave. He looks a lot like Dirk, with stark blond hair, rounder shades, and a relaxed pose. But Dave's smiling as he ruffles John's hair or receives another hug from Jade or Roxy, unlike Dirk's usual emotionless appearance.

"Jeez I think y'all got sand up my ass," Dave says with a surprisingly Texan accent. "Like, it's been one fuckin' week since we saw y'all and y'all are already torturin' me. We don't have good showers on the Meteor so my ass will be sandy forever."

"Oh boo-hoo," Jade rolls her eyes. "We're just excited to see you!"

"After a week."

"After not seeing you for three years!"

"Or actually never meeting you," Dirk adds.

"I appreciate your warm welcomes," Rose replies as Roxy gives her a hug for the fourth time. "But I do believe that we have some business to attend to. Then afterwards we can catch up and enjoy this . . . party you've set up for us."

"What party?" Dave asks. John grabs him by his shoulders and turns him around towards the beach. "Oh. Wow. Y'all went all out. And for us?"

"It was nothing," Jane insists. "The stage was already out from last night so we decided to spruce it up a little."

"But Janey and the Nannas worked hard on preparing food," Roxy adds. "So you better appreciate."

"It's already appreciated," Dave insists. "It's so appreciated that I might cry. Look, the tears are already comin'."

"Not yet David," Rose says. "You can cry all you want later."

"But it'll be a manly cry. Not just any normal cry."

"Of course."

"It'll be the manliness cry you'll ever see. All my teardrops will have six-packs and be lifting weights that are also crying."

"Makes perfect sense. And would any of the teardrops have fragile masculinity stemmed from overbearing fathers?"

"All of them. They were all the quarterback on their respective Texan high school teams."

"Only Texan?"

"No one's more ignorant than a fuckin' Texan Rose. I know that personally. They're more patriotic for 'Murica and Texas than Uncle Sam riding in on a horse drawn wagon filled with the founding fathers and their egos as fireworks made by eagles and look like eagle burst in the sky above them."

"You know what?" John butts in. "I forgot how annoying your rambling it Dave. You can go back on the Meteor."

"You know ya love it," Dave insists.

"I don't."

"You do."

"No, I don't."

"I'm sure you do."

"Have Dave," John pauses as he pulls a bottle of apple juice out of nowhere. "Want some nice, cold AJ? I promise that Howie Mandell has not laid one monster paw on it."

Dave looks suspiciously between John and the bottle of AJ before turning to Rose, "So what was that about the business and the . . . business."

"Of course," Rose responds. She leads the way over to the Crystal Gems, flanked by Dave, Jade and John and followed by the Alpha Kids. She stops in front of the Gems, "Hello, I am Rose Lalonde and this is my brother Dave Strider. I assume you've heard of us before."

"Yeah John wouldn't stop talkin' about you Dave," Dirk pokes through the line and nudges Dave's arm.

"DIRK!" John shouts. "I am not a homosexual!"

"I said nothing of the sort," Dirk states as he steps back behind the Beta kids, making John go red in the face.

"Hahaha," Dave laughs. "You got told."

"And we've meet in my dream!" Steven adds as he runs up to Rose to give her a welcoming hug. "It's nice to finally meet you in person!"

"It is nice to meet you too," Rose smiles.

"And these are the Crystal Gems!" Steven steps back and announces. "Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot and Lapis!"

"Yo," Dave greets the rest of the team with a small wave. They lapse into an awkward silence at that point.

"So Rose . . . that's an interesting name," Amethyst tries to fill in the silence.

"Because it's also the name of your fallen leader?" Rose questions. "I suppose so. Otherwise it's just the name of a flower."

"How did you know that?" Pearl questions.

"It's all in being a Seer," Rose cryptically answers.

"Rose didn't do it, we have a friend who can also see in the future and saw it," Dave clears up. "Not her."

"David, please stop ruining my mysterious personality," Rose argues.

"There's nothing mysterious about you," Dave insists. "And on another note about the whole name thing, to quote the great prophet Charles Dutton, 'A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.'"

Everyone stares at Dave. Steven's really confused and has no idea what smells have to do with names. The Gems look confused, aside from Pearl and Garnet because Garnet rarely makes any expressions while Pearl looks angry for some strange reason.

"Okay," Pearl takes a deep breath. "First off, that was Shakespeare that said that, not Charles whoever his name is."

"Le gasp!" Jade exclaims. "You don't know who the great prophet Charles Dutton is!"

"He probably doesn't exist in this universe," Amethyst points out.

"Well, he kinda looks like this," Jade says as she produces a weird stuffed animal that's brown and has a human face on it, but it's shaped weirdly and has little octopus legs. Dave instantly starts to break out in monotone laughter.

"What is that?" Lapis asks, sounding slightly disgusted.

"You kept the Duttle?" Dave asks.

"Of course," Jade insists.

"It's kinda . . . disturbing," Dirk points out.

"I know," John sighs. "Human faces were never meant to grace the cartoon features of a Squiddle."

"I love it," Rose points out.

"That's because you're weird," John argues.

"That's true."

"It's still creepy," Amethyst adds.

"Wait," Steven interrupts. "I have a non-Duttle related question!"

"Shoot, please," John replies.

"So with that whole Rose thing are you saying that this Rose smells the same as my mom?" Steven questions.

"No, no we aren't," Rose explains. "You'd have to understand the context the quote is really used in."

"Oh."

"So," Pearl decides to move on. "Are you the only people on that entire Meteor?"

"Nah, there's more but they're still on the Meteor. They should be coming out soon," Dave explains as he turns around. Steven looks to the Meteor where a door near the bottom begins to open . . .

"TROLLS!"

. . . And then promptly slams shut as soon as the Gems pull out their weapons and prepare to strike.

"Were those trolls!?" Pearl exclaims.

"Maybe," Dave says as he turn towards the Gems. All of the Kids look prepared to strike, even though they haven't drawn their weapons.

"They had grey skin and horns!" Lapis points out.

"I'm pretty sure Kanaya's skin is white," Dave argues. "Like, white as snow white."

"Does she still have horns?" Peridot questions from her battle position behind one of Garnet's legs.

"Maybe."

"As long as the Earth is protected by the Crystal Gems," Garnet declares. "No troll shall step foot on this planet!"

Dave leans in to loudly whisper into Rose's ear, "Good thing the Meteor's floating." Rose glares at him.

"Now listen here," Rose takes a step forward. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but we are in America, correct?"

"Yep," Steven answers from the side.

"Then even though the execution of the American ideals are flawed, America is supposed to be a free nation for anyone, a great mixing pot as it has been called in the past. I am fairly sure that America is also free for the last troll survivors from another universe as it is to the last strands of a long-forgotten Gem rebellion."

"Yeah!" John adds as he jumps up in the air. "'MURICA!"

"No," Garnet decides.

"No?" Dave checks.

"Yes."

"So they can come down? Alright I'll go tell them."

"No. No Trolls allowed."

"Well, shit."


	10. Gems VS Trolls

"We can't have Trolls on Earth!" Pearl loudly claims. "They're savages! They kill without question and demolish entire worlds!"

"You guys! You haven't even meet the Trolls yet!" Steven argues.

"And neither have you, Steven," Garnet points out. "Pearl and I have both seen what Trolls have done to Homeworld and other worlds."

"And Steven," Peridot adds, barely sneaking out from behind Garnet's leg with a look of terror on her face. "Back on Homeworld I saw a troll prisoner break loose and shatter twelve gems before it was sedated! Who knows what they're going to do to us!?"

"They won't do anything!" Dave raises his voice, which seems to surprise the Kids. "The Trolls on that Meteor are nothing like you're describing!"

"Dave's right," Rose agrees. "There will always be stereotypes but they are usually proven false. I personally would and have trusted those Trolls with my life. Why can't you give them a chance!?"

"Hey," Davepeta says as they float down between the Kids and the Crystal Gems. "I think we all need to calm down for a moment and think about this. I don't mean to steal Karkat's thunder, but," Davepeta turns to the crystal gems to only address them now. "Both Trolls and Gems have been told lies about the other."

"How would you know?" Pearl questions.

"Because Nepeta was a troll and now she's a part of me," Davepeta reveals. They don't stop to let the Gems gasp or even threaten them, they just keep on going, "I have all her memories, her memories of the lies she was told about Homeworld and Gemkind, and they've all been proven wrong these past four days. To name a few 'Pearls are supposed to be seen, not heard', 'fusion is only between Gems of the same kind', 'all Gems are loyal to their Diamonds, and 'Gems only think about their Diamond and about themselves'."

The Gems have various reaction to this. Garnet and Pearl look like they trying to keep their original stances but Davepeta's made a good argument. Amethyst looks like she's more willing to consider what Davepeta's said, probably on the account that she's never actually seen any Trolls from being on Earth her whole life. Peridot still looks scared. Lapis looks neutral, but Steven thinks that she's trying to keep a straight face so her real emotions don't break though since he has no idea what Lapis has seen Trolls do before, like Garnet and Pearl. Steven hopes that Davepeta will manage to convince them all.

"So if these assumptions aren't true, then yours can't be true either," Davepeta continues. "And these trolls aren't normal Trolls. They've spent the last few years living with these humans knowing that they were the only members of their species left. They are all from the bottom of the barrel-and I know, part of me was one of them. They aren't like normal Trolls just like you aren't normal Gems. Give them a chance, please."

Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst share a silent look. Amethyst shrugs while Pearl curtly nods, gripping her spear tighter. Garnet turns to Davepeta, "We will give them a chance. But one slip up . . ."

"Got it," Davepeta says. They turn to Dave and Rose but says nothing before stepping to the side no that their job is done.

Dave and Rose share a grave look before silently turning to the meteor. The Alpha Kids follow them, saying something Steven can't hear, and they all disappear into the Meteor.

It's now awkward as they wait for the Trolls to be retrieved. John starts to draw in the sand with his foot while Jade side-steps over to Davepeta and starts a quite conversation. Steven's close enough to hear it, but it's definitely not loud enough for the other Gems to overhear.

"Good job," Jade whispers.

"Thanks. Do you think I stole Karkitty's thunder?" Davepeta questions.

"Nah. Even if Karkat says the same things you've said it'll be more entertaining with all of his swearing," Jade says, trying to hold back giggles.

"Okay that's true. Sometimes I wonder how he became such a decent leader when he inserts a string of swears every other noun."

"And to think that you-or a part of you-had to grow up with him! I couldn't stand him after only a couple chats!"

"Well, you get used to it. And I think he's done a lot of growing up since you've talked with him like that."

"Are you guys gossiping about Karkat?" John questions loudly.

"That's none of you beeswax John," Jade insists.

"Stop gossiping about my boyfriend," Dave says as he walks up, seeming to have forgotten the tenses of the situation. Rose walks up behind him but she's on her phone, texting someone.

"You and Karkat are dating?!" John sputters.

"It's really obvious John," Jade states.

"Have you not noticed that Rose and Kanaya are dating too?" Davepeta asks rhetorically.

John gasps, "They ARE!?"

"Yes, we are," Rose answers, barely looking up from her phone.

"I mean, look at Rose," Dave begins. "She's texting Kanaya right now, that's why she's glued to her phone. Their inter-species love cannot even be stopped by situations as tense as peace talks between two rival alien species."

"Holy shit John you are the densest person I have ever met," Davepeta continues. "They even kissed right in front of you."

"Maybe John needs a new glass prescription that will help him see the obvious," Dave burns. He and Davepeta high-five after that.

"What are you guys even talking about?" Amethyst interrupts. "Aren't we supposed to be in some sort of tense inter-species relationship discussion or something like you said?"

"Yes," Pearl agrees. "Where are the Trolls?"

"They'll be coming shortly, Rose says as she puts away her phone. "Some of them are upset by your aggression towards them."

"Meaning Karkat?" Jade guesses.

"Yes."

"Man, this Karkat sounds like a piece of work," Amethyst says.

"Oh he is," Dave agrees. "But he's my piece of work."

"Here they come," Davepeta points out.

All eyes turn to the Meteor where the door slowly swings open. A grey head pokes out with black hair and two orange horns before shouting, "ARE YOU SURE THEY AREN'T GOING TO TRY AND KILL US!?"

Another voice from inside the Meteor responds before anyone on the beach can, "IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CAN ANYWAYS! WE'LL JUST COME BACK, SO STOP COMPLAINING KARKAT AND LET ME THROUGH!"

"OKAY, FIRST OFF VRISKA, WE ALL AGREED THAT YOU'D BE THE WORST PERSON TO NEGOTIATE INTER-SPECIES RELATIONSHIPS SO HOLD YOUR FUCKING HOOFBEASTS! SECOND OFF, I STILL DON'T WANT TO BE KILLED! IT COULD BE HEROIC OR JUST, PROBABLY HEROIC SO I'M STAYING AS FAR AWAY FROM GETTING SKEWERED AS POSSIBLE!"

"WHATEVER ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIPS! YOU THINK YOU'E ANY BETTER AT THAT!?"

"YES!"

"We're good!" Dave shouts back. "And don't worry, I won't anything happen to you, babe!"

"OKAY!" Karkat shouts before he takes one step forward. His foot lands on nothing so he falls about two feet to the beach, flat on his face. It almost reminds Steven of Peridot.

Another Trolls jumps over him and tolls onto the beach, obviously showing off. She has more elaborate horns than Karkat's nubby ones, and longer hair. She starts to laugh at Karkat as soon as he starts to pick himself up. Steven assumes that she's Vriska, because her laugh has the same tone as her shouting.

Dave is already on the way over when a third Trolls jumps down next to Karkat and starts to help him up. She has white skin instead of gray, and she looks very prim and proper. She must be Kanaya, because Dave said that she had white skin earlier.

The two final Trolls leave the Meteor together. One has red glasses and pointy horns. She carries a red-tipped can which means that she's blind, but she's also an alien so Steven's not sure if the correlation is still there. Maybe she just really likes the color red. The other floats down with red fairy wings and has ram's horns. She has a smile on her face, though to Steven it feels like a creepy smile, not a genuine smile.

That's apparently all the Trolls because they start to walk over. Vriska has hooked arms with the probably blind Trolls and begins to lead her over. Karkat walks between Dave and Kanaya while the fairy Troll floats above them. As they get closer, it's clear that most of the Trolls are preparing for an attack of some type, no matter how ridiculous their weapons seem. Vriska's rolling some dice in her free hand rather menacingly, the blind Troll is gripping her cane in such a way that it could be easy to block an attack, Kanaya has a tube of lipstick clenched in her fist, and the flying Troll has a whip (which is the only real weapon). The only one who hasn't prepare anything is Karkat, who is holding Dave's hand rather tightly.

"Alright everyone," Dave begins. "This is Vriska, Terezi, Karkat, Aradia, and Kanaya. That's basically all I have to say so, take it away Karkat. I believe in you babe," Dave squeezes Karkat's hand before he rejoins the Beta Kids, leaving the floor solely to the Trolls.

Karkat steps forward and pulls a piece of paper out of his sweatpants pocket. He carefully begins to read, "Greeting Crystal Gems, I am Karkat Vantas, a Troll and . . . dammit this sounds so much fucking lamer when read out loud."

Steven supposes that the last part is improvised. Karkat balls up his script and tosses it into the ocean before starting over.

"Alright let's try that again. Hi, I'm Karkat. I'm obviously a Troll, you're Gems, and we're supposed to fucking hate each other, but you know what? Fuck that. Fuck that whole poopmunching grubfisting dickshit bigotry. You know why? All our lives we were fed lies about each other and it's really stupid.

"You guys were told that trolls were bloodthirsty warriors who only fought to kill, and in some sense, we were. 'Those nookwhiffing bagstench trolls are so stupid! They all blindly follow their leader when in reality, the Condescension is a bluh, bluh HUGE BITCH! They're so fucking stupid, they rely on their blood color to put themselves into castes, because they're organic! HA FUCKING HA!'

"And on the other side, we were taught to hate the Diamond Authority and gems were just holy fuckbiting shit-for-brains that the Diamonds controlled. They were rocks, they have no reason for resources aside from making more Gems, and so what good is their colonization? Who are they benefiting? No one but themselves. Their warriors are mindless, their servants frivolous. How dare they exist.

"But you see what I'm getting at, right? Homeworld and Alternia were at each other's throats for centuries-even in my dimension, and we both sucked! We both conquered planets because we were killing our own! So Trolls and Gems aren't that different."

"Are you sure?" Pearl questions as she raises her spear slightly. "I've seen trolls in battle during my time on other planets, savage monster who take life without a thought and destroy planets!"

"And is that not what Gems do?" Terezi steps up behind Karkat. She's staring right at Pearl and the grin on her face only leaves for a moment. "May I ask what Homeworld's original plan were for Earth?"

Pearl doesn't reply, and instead points her spear at Terezi.

"Yeah, you did the same thing as us. Like I said, our species are both conquers, flying through space at the speed of light picking up every single last heinous poopflinging jerkshit planet in the fucking universe!" Karkat argues. "I'm surprised that the Earth isn't a writhing douchefucking pile of trash by now! You guys usually hollow out entire planets to reproduce!"

"And trolls have drones to force the population to breed," Garnet interjects.

"Hey! I've admitted that Alternia has plenty of fucking faults, in fact, Alternia is a bullshit junglehumping cluckbeastshit planet that can go die in a hole . . . which it already did but guess what!? Sadly, it's fucking back," Karkat reveals.

"We still can't trust trolls. The human race is too fragile for trolls," Pearl insists.

"Hey! In our universe-we made the humans! We're humankind's gods!" Karkat declares. He pauses, "But I don't fucking care about being a god now. I just want all of this moronic heinous groincatch game to end. I want to just spend my days with my human matesprit boyfriend growing old on Earth!"

"Aw," Dave interjects.

"And we're not like all trolls," Karkat insists. "If we stayed on Alternia instead of playing the game, we would have died instead joining Her Imperious Condescension's Army-and even if we got the chance we would die serving her. Vriska's Lusus would have killed her eventually, Kanaya would spend all her life working in the breeding caverns, Terezi's . . . Terezi . . ."

"Thank-you," Terezi says, followed by a wicked laugh.

"As you can see," Karkat growls. "Aradia was already dead when we started playing the game! And me!" Karkat pauses to pull out a sickle from nowhere. The Gems raise their weapons in defense, but all Karkat did was roll up his shirt sleeve and cut himself. Red blood ran down his grey skin and the Gems gasp, "I'm a mutant. I would be culled where I stand if any normal troll saw me."

"It looks like you've got normal blood to me," Steven points out.

"Not to trolls, we've got a whole rainbow of blood colors: the hemospectrum," Terezi explains. "And it's all delicious!"

Kanaya coughs and raises her hand slightly, "Seconded."

"And don't get me started on you guys!" Karkat shouts. "I may be a lowblood-technically lower than a lowblood but what fucking ever-but I know enough about Gems to know that you-" Karkat points at Pearl, "-Should be a servant, just standing around looking like some rainbow vomit-inducing crotchstain instead of fighting! And you-" Karkat turns to Garnet, "-I see your two gems and I'm fucking sure Homeworld doesn't like you because you're nothing like any other fusions I've seen described. You-" Karkat points at Amethyst, "-I'm not really sure what's exactly wrong with you but I'm sure you've got something weird going on. And finally the obvious Homeworld Gems-" Karkat points at Peridot, who's still hiding behind Garnet, and Lapis "-Considering the Yellow and Blue Diamond symbol, but working with these oddball Gems, making you two traitors as well.

"We're all fucking outcasts. We'd all be hated by our own races. You see why we played that game? Do you see why we're here, begging you to let us in instead of going and knocking on Alternias doorstep! Look, I will even get down on my fucking knees and plead, this is how much I fucking want to be able to just live on earth, _peacefully._ We've lived with human for three years and none of them died once, we helped them fight the Condescension herself along with plenty of other bad guys who would have loved to destroy the multiverse! You want to protect the Earth, well we aren't planning on doing anything to it! We aren't going to poison your water supply, burn your crops, or deliver a plague onto your houses!"

"But are we going to wait until you do?" Pearl argues.

"You fucking should because then you'll be waiting a long fucking time BECAUSE WE AREN'T GOING TO DO THAT!" Karkat yells. He takes a few deep breaths and says, "I dunno what you guys want us to do. I've said everything I need to say. But whatever you want us to do, we'll do it. Even Vriska."

"Not guaranteed," Vriska says. All the Trolls glare at her and Aradia, who's still floating, kicks her in the back of the head. " _Doof!_ Okay I will."

"We'll need to talk this over," Garnet decides. She leaves it at that, and turns around to make some distance between the Trolls and Crystal Gems. The others follow her, and Steven does too. They go up onto the deck of the house and sit around in silence for a moment, so Steven speaks up first.

"We _have_ to let them stay," Steven insists.

"Steven-" Pearl begins, sounding like she's about to lecture him.

"No," Steven cuts her off. "I don't really know why you don't like the Trolls because you've never told me that they even existed, but from what Karkat says it sounds like you're wrong. These Trolls have done nothing and they have nowhere to go! They're just kids like . . . like the Kids! Look at them!"

Steven looks at the beach. They're far away, but he can see Karkat leaning on Dave, rose and Kanaya holding hands, Terezi and Vriska sitting down in the sand and talking, Aradia no longer smiling, and John, Jade and Davepeta trying to comfort everyone. They're just kids, a few years older than him.

"And it sounds like they've gone through a lot," Steven continues. "And they've shown no aggression towards us since they've shown up!" _Unlike you guys_ , Steven leaves that thought out for clear reasons. "I don't see why we can't let them stay."

"Okay," Amethyst begins. "I have to agree with Steven on this one."

Peridot and Pearl look surprised. Pearl scolds, " _Amethyst!_ "

"Yeah you've guys told me about the Trolls but these guys seem nothing like you've said," Amethyst continues. "And that Karkat's right: they're all outcasts _just like us_ , not invaders like we were worried about."

"Worried about what?" Steven questions and he looks between Amethyst, Garnet and Pearl.

Pearl gives in first, sighs, and explains, "Long ago, right after the war, we were afraid that Alternia would come for Earth now that it was abandoned by Homeworld and claim it for themselves. Thankfully is never happened, for they must have thought that if Homeworld abandoned it, it would be of no use for them. The entire idea became an after-thought in our heads with Gem Monsters running around and much, much later, the threat of Homeworld returning again."

"Yeah, I never thought I'd actually see a Troll but here they are," Amethyst shrugs. "And they're friendly, they _clearly_ don't want to kill us or take over the Earth, so why are we being all hostile?"

"You two have never met an adult Troll before," Pearl insists. "You don't know what they can do. And there's always the possibility that they can be tricking us."

Steven looks over to the beach. Dave and Karkat are still clinging to each other, Rose and Kanaya are now also sitting in the sand leaning on each other, Aradia's sitting next to Vriska and Terezi, but now John's doing tricks with the windy thing in the air to entertain. John's hood is dragging along in the sand so Terezi steps on it, causing him to get caught and fall into the sand. John doesn't seem to take it too hard as he knocks some sand into Terezi's face when he sits up, and it all seems to be taken into jest.

Steven turns to Pearl, "I don't believe that."

Pearl looks at Garnet, "Do you see this as a possibility?"

Garnet doesn't say anything as she seems to be lost in thought. Steven takes the chance to turn to Lapis and Peridot. Peridot is standing close to Lapis and Lapis is looking at the floor. Her head snaps up when Steven addresses them, "Lapis, Peridot, what do you think?"

"I . . . actually was never on any of the contested planets, even the ones Blue Diamond fought for," Lapis admits. "But I have heard of what the Trolls did to Gem troops. I saw some of the shards they left behind. I just don't want anything bad to happen here."

Pearl at Steven and Amethyst smugly.

"But also," Lapis continued. "If these guys are being genuine, then they're stuck here, just like me. We should then off them a place to stay."

Amethyst returns the smug look back to Pearl.

"Peridot?" Steven asks.

"Like I've said I've seen Trolls be monsters," Peridot starts. "May I remind you of the time I saw one Troll shatter thirteen Gems?"

"I thought it was twelve," Lapis counters.

"A high amount of Gems," Peridot corrects herself. "It was a lot trust me, but only one is already too much. And I would like to say that I am absolutely terrified of Trolls. But to look upon this with an indifferent point of view that was also an adult Troll and these are clearly adolescents. I doubt some of them have even hit their second molt because they're all too short (though that mutant one may never get any taller-I wonder how tall his ancestor was, because he would have been dwarfed by the other adults-"

Amethyst coughs, reminding Peridot to cut it with the height talk.

"-But Trolls height doesn't factor in here). They seem to be about, oh, 7 Alternia solar sweeps old, which is about 15 Earth years, And from the rough timeline we were given they destroyed their universe three years ago when they even younger (6 Alternia solar sweeps, or 13 Earth years) and more impressionable. They spent that time in the company of humans instead of adult Trolls in Her Imperious Condescension's army. They were given a completely different upbringing than most Trolls, isolated from their society and surrounded by soft humans. Plus, as stated, they were already outcasts. I suppose, once you factor all this in, that they are pretty far from violence of adult Trolls considering what type of Troll they were before this all even happened. And they currently seem pretty docile. If this trend continues I would be more lenient to accepting them. But I'm still terrified of Alternia-grown adult Trolls."

"Fair enough," Steven agrees. "So me and Amethyst are a yes, Peridot and Lapis are maybe, and Pearl's no. Garnet?"

"Currently," Garnet begins. "I don't see there being any possibility that these Trolls betray us in anyway."

"Are you sure?" Pearl gasps.

"In every timeline, no matter how wrong it goes, the Trolls don't betray us. They mean us and the Earth no harm," Garnet says. She sounds like she doesn't want to admit it herself, but it's the truth.

"Then they can stay?" Steven asks, already getting excited.

Garnet turns to Pearl, waiting for her to weigh in any final decisions. Garnet's had her say and she doesn't need to say anything else. Pearl sighs, "I . . . suppose. There's no reason they can't."

"Yay!" Steven celebrates and he high-fives Amethyst.

"But," Pearl continues. "I will be watching them very carefully."

"We all will," Garnet adds.

"Then let's go tell them the news!" Steven says. He turns around and starts running down to the beach, not looking back to see if the others are following him. He sees everyone on the beach looking at him and he can barely contain himself so he shouts, "YOU GUYS CAN STAY!"

The Kids and Trolls immediately jump up off the ground and start celebrating. Kanaya's spinning Rose around, Dave and Karkat are kissing, John's high fiving-everyone, Jade's squeezing the life out of Davepeta in something that could either be called a hug or a strangling, and Terezi and Vriska have pulled Aradia down from the sky in a hug.

"And since all that tense stuff is over," Steven says as their celebrations dies down and he's joined them. He looks over his shoulder quickly to see that the other Gems are joining him on the beach. "Let me properly introduce myself, I'm Steven Universe and these are the Crystal Gems: Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Lapis and Peridot!"

"Nice to meet you Steven," Kanaya replies with a curt nod, but she doesn't separate from hugging Rose to shake his hand.

"Yeah," Karkat says looking at the other Gems. He leaves Dave's side to walk up to Garnet and extends his hand, "Trolls don't shake hands, but since we're on Earth and this is a human thing: thank-you. All of you. I don't know what you said up there or who said what, but in the end, it doesn't matter. Thank-you for letting us stay. You won't regret it."

Garnet looks at Karkat for a moment before she shakes his hand, he winces but Steven hopes that Karkat doesn't take Garnet's strong handshake the wrong way (she just has a _really_ strong handshake), "I hope we don't."

Karkat nods in reply and walks back over to the group, nursing his sore hand. Dave takes it and kisses it, which is really sweet but John saw it and is now making fun of them. Terezi steps on his foot to counter while Karkat yells at him. Vriska's laughing at their antics as she watches with Aradia, Rose and Kanaya. Jade now telling John off for being rude, Rose adds a sly comment which Kanaya compliments her on, but then Dave and Davepeta take it too far. Steven realizes that this is their dynamic, and as dysfunctional as it looks, it works well for them. They'll all fit in on Earth easily.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Roxy shouts from the doorway of the Meteor, disrupting Steven's thoughts and the Kids' and Trolls' antics. "GEMS AND TROLLS. NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE MAIN ATTRACTION. THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE AMAZING CALLIOPE!"

* * *

The school year's starting soon, but I have no idea what my homework load is going to be since it's still summer for me. I'm taking 3 AP Classes though, two of them being math-heavy classes and one being a reading-heavy class, I'm assuming that I'm gonna have some. I'm also taking a science class and an engineering class to add onto that load so who knows? Which is why I'm gonna release a chapter every two weeks now instead every week. That's the plan right now but it might change in the future. Hopefully it doesn't have to go one longer because I have plans (read: a baseball chapter that's almost completely made up of Sandlot references) but right now I've planned out that the schedule will be till Christmas where we'll get a wonderful Christmas special (that I haven't written yet, just like everything else).

However, here's some good news: if anyone can find the secret hidden Spongebob reference this chapter, you'll be able to unlock secret content next chapter! Or whenever it's found. That'll be fun. It's not that secret or hidden so good luck!

And as always, thank-you all for reading and thank-you for your comments. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you next time (two weeks from now!)


	11. Not All Trolls

Hey! I hope the school year has been treating everyone well. Shit hasn't hit the fan yet but it may be. I ended up finishing the chapter yesterday because I binged Brooklyn 99 all weekend and I am lazy, but hey, I'm on time. Hopefully, this keeps up. Also Pearl and Mystery Girl killed me so . . . it will come.

* * *

"NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE MAIN ATTRACTION!" Roxy shouts from the Meteor. "THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE AMAZING CALLIOPE!"

The door bursts open as Jake jumps out and lands on the ground in a pose. Standing in the doorframe is another alien with green skin and a skull-looking face. She's wearing a suit and actually looks very nice, albeit very nervous.

"Doot-doot-doot-doo!" Jake does a fake-fanfare as Jane and Dirk help Calliope down.

Steven has no idea what's going on now, as he thought that only Trolls and Humans were on the Meteor. However, Calliope looks nervous and Steven wants to greet her so she can start to feel better. Steven's about to run off before checking on the rest of the Gems who all look confused excluding Pearl. Pearl looks surprised of all things.

"Is that . . . a cherub?" Pearl questions.

"Calliope?" John checks. "Yeah, she's a cherub."

"Uh . . . is this something we should know?" Amethyst checks.

"Oh no, seeing a cherub is extremely rare!" Pearl begins. She sounds like she's about to launch off into an explanation. "They all usually keep to themselves in their own territory but I remember, back on Homeworld one passed by to claim the territory! I didn't see them myself but everyone was talking about it until I left for Earth! I would hear from those who did see it talk about how massive their wingspan was and how it seemed to glow!"

"Y'know," Lapis interjects. "I think I remember that. I didn't care about it much at the time. Still don't."

"Yes well, it was quite amazing and such a rare occurrence too," Pearl continues.

"What else do you know about cherubs?" Steven asks.

"I'll be honest," Pearl states. "I don't know."

"Whoa wait," Amethyst butts in. "There's actually something you don't know!"

"Well, I do know that they're a solitary species," Pearl points out. "Sightings are so rare that even Homeworld barely knows anything about them."

"Well then," John cracks his knuckles in preparation. "Looks like it's my time to shine."

"You have information about cherubs?" Pearl questions.

"He does know one P," Amethyst points out.

"And I knew a know-it-all," John brags.

"Or I could explain myself," Calliope says as she approaches with the Alpha Kids.

"If you didn't hear, this is Calliope," Roxy announces once again.

"Hello," Calliope nervously greets everyone. Steven notices that she's gripping Roxy's hand tightly. It's time to do his job.

"Hi! I'm Steven Universe!" Steven steps forward to shake her hand and give her a warm smile. He didn't think that he would have to greet anyone else but that's not a big deal. "Welcome to Earth!"

"Thank-you Steven," Calliope smiles and Steven can see rows of green teeth. Her hands are clawed but she makes sure not to scratch his hand as they shake.

"Also, I like your suit!" Steven continues. "Very dapper."

"Callie's like, the dapperest," Roxy adds.

"Thank-you again," Calliope continues. "My, I didn't think I'd be met with this much kindness."

"What! Why not?" Steven questions.

"Because we were threatened with death," Karkat grumbles. Terezi and Vriska laugh at his sourness, but Steven sees a glance from Pearl at Karkat as a warning.

"Well, yes I suppose that does factor into it," Calliope explains. "But my appearance is not exactly . . . traditional to the human and troll standard. It may even be repulsive to some."

"No way! You look really cool!" Steven insists.

"Yeah Callie your like, the hottest hands down," Roxy continues.

"Yeah and Pearl was just talking about that one time on Homeworld some people saw a cherub and they thought that they looked really cool," Steven continued.

"Really?" Calliope questions.

"Yeah! Right Pearl?" Steven turns to Pearl.

"Yes actually," Pearl takes a step forward. "It's an honor to meet you Calliope." (On the side, Karkat has a confused look on his face as he looks between Pearl and Dave in outrage. Dave shrugs.) "Cherubs are already so rare I never thought that I would have the chance to meet one."

"Well, we are supposed to be solitary," Calliope shrugs. "Though I suppose that one was an adult. I am still an adolescent . . . and I don't think I will ever become one."

"Are you like Peter Pan?" Steven questions first. (Vriska, off to the side shouts, "FLY PUPPA FLY!" before Terezi pushes her face-first into the sand).

"Why?" Pearl asks instead.

"Because, technically, I am dead," Calliope explains. Pearl and Steven gasp but Calliope continues. "The Ring of Life is the thing that is keeping me alive."

"But how'd you die?" Steven asks.

"My brother had me killed," Calliope says. "And it's not in the sense of your human siblings. Me and Caliborn shared a body, and while one of us was asleep, the other was awake and used the body."

"Fascinating," Pearl mumbles.

"That's terrible! Shouldn't you guys have worked together, sharing a body and all?" Steven questions.

"I wish," Calliope sighs.

"They're not supposed to because once a cherub matures one side, either the good or bad, becomes the dominate and the other dies," John interjects, and as he does Steven sees Dave whisper something into Karkat's ear before heading back to the Meteor.

"That's TERRIBLE!" Steven gasps.

"Luckily, Callie's of the good alignment because hoo boy, her brother was a piece of work," John adds.

"I think "piece of work" barely covers it, John," Jane interjects. "He literally became the worst villain we had to fight."

"And he was a misogynist piece of shit," John adds but when he sees Steven cringe he says, "Oops sorry. Piece of poop. Nope, not as bad."

"Yes, Caliborn was . . ." Calliope tries to come up with a word.

"The worst?" Jane suggests. "He did have you killed."

"Yes," Calliope agrees.

"But how did your brother kill you before this domination happened?" Peridot steps up and asks.

"Well, he had my dream self killed," Calliope explains.

"Which is basically a version of ourselves that lived on either Prospit or Derse in the Incinisphere while we were asleep," Dirk adds.

"How is that possible?" Pearl questions.

Dirk shrugs.

"Man today is a great," Amethyst sighs. "Pearl didn't know something, Dirk hasn't decapitated himself yet, I've learned that there's one more alien species more messed up than Gems . . ."

"Which one?" Terezi asks.

"We all suck!" Karkat yells at no one in particular, mainly because he's looking at the sky and he seems rather exasperated.

"That's fair," Kanaya agrees.

"Hey everyone!" Dave says as he brings forward two humanoid beings, returning from somewhere. One is black and the other is white, with hard skin, circular heads that have only eyes, and that are wearing rags. "And last but not least, The Mayor and the Mail Lady!"

"How many different alien species do you have on that Meteor?" Lapis asks first.

"I don't even know this one," Pearl points out.

"That's strike two Pearl," Amethyst teases.

"AMETHYST! Now is not the time!"

"Now is definitely the time."

"Carapaces are from the game," Dave explains further, not bothering to acknowledge Pearl and Amethyst. The Mayor and the Mail Lady stand close to the Trolls, particularly Karkat. "And all you need to know is that they're very cool. Also there are two more on the Meteor but they don't feel like coming out. Jack's pretty finicky and Ms. Paint decided to stay with him."

"Is there anyone else we haven't met yet?" Amethyst asks as she's getting bored with just standing around and greeting people, even if Pearl's getting shown up. As if on cue, a floating window appears and out pops a glowing person that looks a lot like Rose if Rose glowed pink and purple was a cat, was a squid, and was also a princess all at the same time.

"Just one!" the hybrid Rose announces as Rose groans from behind. "I'm Jasprosesprite^2, but you can just call me Jasprose!"

"Everybody, this is the bane of my existence for the past week," Rose announces before she buries her face into her hands. Kanaya gives her a consoling pat on the back, but for now, Jasprose has stolen the show.

"Uh . . ." Lapis looks between Jasprose and regular Rose before spreading her wings and deciding, "Nope. I'm done."

Lapis flies off towards the house and goes inside, probably to use the TV to watch Camp Pining Hearts.

"Sorry," Steven apologizes. "Lapis' must've had enough social interaction for the day."

"Understandable," Jasprose replies. "But you must be Steven Universe. It is a purlesure to meet you."

"You use cat puns too?" Steven asks.

"Oh no," Pearl sighs.

"Oh yes," Davepeta agrees as they float over towards Jasprose. They reach out towards Jasprose's face and moves between her human ears and her cat ears like they're about to cover them, but then decides against, "Just as a heads up to all you sensitive types, Jasprose tends to be very blunt and smug."

"Well that's because I'm amazing," Jasprose argues. "And you suck."

"It's true," Rose shouts from the back of the group.

"Okay," Amethyst says. "Is there anyone _else_ we haven't met yet?"

"Well, ARquius and Gcatavrosprite are on the ship, they've been chillin' out for a while because they too, are made up of trolls and looks very troll-like," Davepeta reveals. "But they're cool. ARquius is my bro, and Gcatavros is allergic to himself so . . . we let him sleep."

"Interesting," Steven says. Being allergic to yourself must be horrible. "So, is there anyone else?"

"Actually," Terezi says. "I feel like we're missing someone."

Karkat replies, "Yeah, you're actually right. It's been nagging at me these past few days-OH SHIT WE FORGOT GAMZEE!"

"Ahh," Terezi calmly realizes. " _That's_ what's missing."

"You forgot an entire person?" Pearl questions.

"Yeah," Terezi chuckles before her tone becomes darker, "Good riddance."

"To be fair, he's been in the fridge for so long," Kanaya says. "Vriska, where did you put the fridge?"

"What fridge?" Vriska dumbly questions.

"The one that had all our snacks-NO THE ONE GAMZEE WAS IN!" Karkat shouts.

"Ohhhhhhhh, that one," Vriska exaggeratedly responds. "I have no fucking clue. Must be back in our universe."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE WE FORGOT HIM!" Karkat shouts.

"Karkat," Kanaya begins to comfort the screaming trolls. "He was trying to kill everyone. We wouldn't want to unleash that onto Earth."

"Shit, you're right" Karkat agrees as he calms down. "I can't believe that I forgot about that."

"He's better off in that fridge," Vriska insists.

"Wait, wait, wait," Pearl stops everyone. "You forgot somebody?"

"Yes," Terezi answers.

"Who was in a fridge-?"

"Locked in. With chains and everything."

"Because he tried to kill everyone?" Pearl finishes, looking more frazzled than before.

Karkat turns to Kanaya, "Yeah it was a really good thing that Gamzee got left behind."

Pearl turns to Garnet, "Are we sure that this is a good idea?"

"He's not here. He's in another universe on the other side of the multiverse. I doubt he will be a problem and I can't see him reaching us in the foreseeable future," Garnet answers.

"Well if that's solved, Jade," Rose turns to her. "I hope you don't think we're intruding, but the Meteor really was never meant to be a long-term home."

"No problem! Me and Jake just cleaned up and all of the consorts are back on their planets, so there is plenty of room!" Jade replies.

"Man, it's going to be a bitch to move Can Town though," Dave sighs.

"Did you not pack it up like we asked?" Kanaya questions.

"Of course not. Instead I added a red light district and had a bunch of feeling jams with Karkat."

"Why does Can Town even need a red light district?" John questions.

"Well all the sleazy bankers on Wall street have to go somewhere when they're not pushing Can Town's economy towards a Great Recession."

"We can just restart over again," Karkat points out.

"But we haven't even burst the housing bubble yet!"

The group of kids, trolls, cherubs, carapaces, and sprites walk off without much acknowledgement to the Crystal Gems, too busy doing their own thing.

"What have we gotten ourselves into?" Pearl asks Garnet, grabbing onto the fusion's arm and leaning on her.

"We've made new friends," Steven insists. "They're weird . . . but they're our friends now and we're going to help them, however we can." Steven hopes the other Gems feel the same.

* * *

Hey, so I ended up promising secret exclusive content and people did find the Spongebob reference, so here it is:

I do my best to keep this fic updated with the show, but it's kinda hard with new episodes every week. When I started this fic, I assumed that Peridot would go back to the bathroom after they were done with the Cluster, but instead she stayed there and Lapis joined the team, so I added that. Also, during the idea making-process, I had some ideas about Jasper. Currently, Jasper's benched because she's bubbled and corrupted, and in the time frame of the story, this takes place a year after the canon events . . . which keep on changing like I've said. So, here are some of the ideas I had with Jasper, including a little snippet I wrote.

* * *

a. Jasper shows up and Steven's just like 'jaspers back gotta throw her back into the ocean' and the everyone's just like 'what' and Garnet comes out and throws Jasper back into the ocean and the trolls are like 'and you call us monsters you just threw another one of kind into the fucking ocean again apparently'. (this is when Jasper was living in the ocean for the short time, I just assumed that they would keep on throwing her back)

b. When Jasper calls Steven Rose, Rose Lalonde just responds "yes i am right here what do you need" "you aren't rose" "i believe i am that is the name my mother gave me" "you are not rose quartz" "that is right i am not rose quartz" "then where is rose" "im right here". Cue Jasper screaming.

c. Karkat gets sick of Jasper calling Steven Rose because Rose L. always replies and it's annoying him so he pauses the whole battle to sit down and explain human reproduction to Jasper. She still doesn't get it. Cue Karkat screaming.

d. While fighting Jasper, Dave and John announce very loudly that they're going to fuse (cue Jasper screaming "NOW HUMANS CAN FUSE TOO!?) but Dave just hops onto John's back and they run into battle like that.

* * *

"SHOW ME WHERE ROSE IS!" Jasper roars. Steven is about to break out of his block fort when Rose steps forward.

"I am right here, what do you need?"

Jasper pauses, looks extremely confused and says, "You aren't Rose."

Rose laughs, "I believe I am. That's the name my mother gave me."

"You are not Rose Quartz," Jasper growls.

"That is right. I am not Rose Quartz, I am Rose Lalonde."

"Then where is Rose!?"

"I'm right here."

Jasper lets out an exasperated sigh and glares down at Rose, "I thought we just agreed that you are not Rose Quartz."

"True."

"Then show me where she is!"

"Who?"

"ROSE!"

"Yes?"

"Yes what?"

"You called for me."

"ARHG!" Jasper shouts as she stomps around in furstrations and then turns back to Rose. "WHERE IS ROSE QUARTZ!?"

"Not here, I assume."

"Then where is Rose?!"

"I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere since you last asked, and it's quite rude to talk about someone like they're not there."

"I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU."

"Then who?"

"ROSE."

"Me?"

"QUARTZ."

"What about quartz? It's a white material commonly used in watches."

"WHERE. IS. ROSE. QUARTZ."

"I thought we covered that. She's not here."

"THEN WHERE IS SHE?"

"Who?"

"ROSE."

"I feel like we've gone over this. I'm right here. Do you have short-term memory loss?"

On the sidelines the Kids are falling over into the sand laughing as Rose puts Jasper through mental hurdles.

"Man," Dave anages to gasp as he struggles to stand up and brush the sand off his cape. "This is like 'who's on first, what's on second, and i don't knows on third'"

* * *

And that's that. There will be more secret content in the future involving another bubbled gem, but that one's going to be harder (because I haven't written it yet). Say, does anyone like Critical Role? Thank-you for reading, thank-you for the comments, and I will see you next week!


	12. A Week

Meteor Tours

"AND IF YOU STEP THIS WAY-BE CAREFUL-YOU'LL FIND THE COMMON ROOM!" Dave shouts through the megaphone as he leads the tour group of Steve, Pearl, Amethyst, Peridot, John, Jade, Jake and Jane. Karkat and Rose are also joining him, but Dave spearheaded the whole tour thing.

"You don't need to use the megaphone," Pearl criticizes. "We're all right here."

"IT MAKE ME FEEL MORE OFFICAL. I WANTED TO HAVE, LIKE, AN ACTUAL TOUR BUS BUT ROSE SAYS IT WOULDN'T FIT IN HERE," Dave answers.

"Where would we even get a tour bus Dave?" Rose argues, and from her tone it sounds like this is an argument that has been going on for a while. "The alchemiters don't work anymore. And we should be cleaning up instead of giving a tour because we will be removing everything anyway and moving it to the Battleship."

"VRISKA SAID SHE GOT IT COVERED."

"And we're going to trust fucking _Vriska_ , of all people?" Karkat points.

"GOOD POINT. ANYWAY, THIS IS THE COMMON ROOM. IT'S WHERE MORE HANGOUTS AND DATE NIGHTS HAPPEN. IT USED TO BE THE TROLL'S COMPUTER ROOM BEFORE ME AND ROSE GOT HERE, THEN KANAYA LAVISHLY TRANSFORMED IT INTO THE COMMON ROOM WE KNOW AND LOVE."

"But why would you take a room with a perfectly good-" Peridot begins to ask.

"IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION," Dave interrupts. "PLACE RAISE YOUR HAND."

Peridot sighs and raises her hand.

"YES," Dave points at her. "THE GREEN DORITO."

"It's Peridot," the green Dorito growls. "Why would you take a room with a perfectly good purpose and turn it into something useless?"

"THAT SOUNDS LIKE A QUESTION FOR KARKAT," Dave turns to the troll.

"Because we only needed them to communicate with the humans and we wanted a place to relax," Karkat answers. He's looking at Pearl warily, like he has been all tour. "Is that too much to fucking ask?"

"Yeah, it's like the living room on the Prospitian Battleship," John explains.

"Which is a mess," Jade interjects.

"Me, Jade, and Davesprite would pay Ghostbusters 2 MMOG together while eating Nanna's cookies. I bet that they did fun stuff like that here too!" John reminisces.

"Except that our living room is incredibly messy," Jane adds.

"Nothin' wrong with messy," Amethyst argues,

"Kanaya and I did clean before you all got here," Rose adds. "And by clean I mean start to pack-up. It makes the room seem less cluttered."

"AND NO JOHN, WE DIDN'T PLAY SILLY GHOSTBUSTER GAMES," Dave says.

"Shut up Dave. It too sounds fun," Jade argues.

"I love to try that game John," Jake adds. "Oo! We should all play when they're done moving in!"

"Yeah!" John agrees.

"STOP MAKIN' PLANS IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE!" Dave says. "PAY ATTENTION TO THE TOUR!"

Steven actually stops paying attention to the tour at that time. Between two of the decorative carpets there's a faint green stain that catches his eye. He's noticed some other hidden stains-a fuchsia one on the floor and a yellow one on the wall-all poorly covered by rugs. They might just be weird stains from brightly colored pop like Faygo, but Steven has a bad felling about these ones.

"AND THAT IS HOW MY GREATEST PIECE OF ARTWORK," Dave says as he shows everyone a page of a book that has been scribbled all over in pink. Steven doesn't see much harm in it until Dave adds, "THE PENIS OUIJIUA, WAS CREATED."

The Kids and Amethyst are laughing, Rose and Karkat roll their eyes, Pearl is blushing like Steven, and Peridot just seems confused so she raises her hand.

"YES, GREMLIN?"

"What's a pen-?"

"I'M NOT ANSWERIN' THAT."

"Really?" Karkat questions. "Because usually you seem so eager?"

"I'M NOT GOING TO ANSWER THAT BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T RAISE YOUR HAND."

Steven raises his hand.

"YES. STEVEN. AND NON-DICK RELATED QUESTIONS?"

"What are all the weird-colored stains on the ground a walls?" Steven asks.

"FU-Firetruck!" Karkat yells (stopping himself from swearing) and stomps his feet. Pearl gets defensive but Karkat visibly relaxes when Dave puts a hand on his shoulder. He takes a deep breath and says, "I told Kanaya that the rugs-while decorative-wouldn't coved the blood stains."

"It doesn't exactly have the same consistency as human blood," Rose adds. "The same tricks don't work to get them out."

"Blood?" Steven questions.

Karkat glances at Pearl before he answers, "Yeah, The green-Kanaya's blood. The fuchsia is Feferi's and the mustard is Sollux's."

"What happened to them?" Amethyst asks.

"Well," Karkat continues. "As I recall, Eridan got into a fight with Sollux and knocked him out, blinding him. Then Feferi attacked, he killed her. He destroyed the matriorb and Kanaya attacked him, but he killed her."

"But . . . Kanaya's alive," Steven argues.

"Technically," Rose says. "She's undead. She's the troll version of a vampire-a rainbow drinker."

"O-oh."

"ANYWAY," Dave interrupts. "ENOUGH OF THAT DEATH STUFF. WHO WANTS TO SEE CAN TOWN!?"

Origins of Hate

Steven is amazed by the amount of effort put into Can Town. Every street has a name, every building has a purpose, and every person has a story. Dave has a giant excel document on his computer that keeps track of what's going on in the town. He even has a planned out timeline of what has happened and what will happen in the fair city of Can Town, but all his future plans have gone to waste now that the Great Can Town Recession of 2009 can never happen with their move to the Golden Battleship.

Steven has given the task of picking up the cans in Downtown Can Town, since he offered to help with the Meteor clean-up, with Karkat while Dave and the Mayor start with the residential areas. Dave is rambling to the Mayor, which fills the silence between Steven and Karkat. Karkat still seems a little rattled by the talk with the Gems, and Steven's not sure if this is the right time to ask him the question that has been repeating in his mind.

"What's eating you?"

"Huh?" Steven turns around to Karkat. This is the first time Karkat's spoken to him since they started cleaning.

"You look like you have something to say," Karkat says. "Either that or you're constipated."

"I'm not constipated," Steven clears up. "But I do have a question."

"Shoot."

"Why do Trolls and Gems hate each other? Like you said all that stuff about the lies but that can't be it, can it?"

Karkat sighs, "That's a good fucking questions. I've pondered over that grubshit topic myself this past week and it all lies in our respective societies."

"What do you mean?" Steven questions.

"Well, first off, take a look at the horrendous bullshit Alternian society was," Karkat begins. "Trolls live in an authoritarian society lead by the royal bitch, the Condescension, who mass produces their population through drones. Alternia itself has been mainly dried up of resources which is why they have to conquer other planets.

"Gems, on the other hand, live in an authoritarian society lead by _four_ royal bitches, the Diamond Authority, who mass produce their population through Kindergartens. Homeworld itself has been mainly dried up of resources which is why they have to conquer other planets."

"Wow. They're similar," Steven points out.

"Exactly."

"So why don't they get along?"

"Homeworld and Alternia are rivals in the inter-galactic conquering game," Karkat explains. "And since they both suck, they made themselves look better by mud-slinging the other. Anti-Gem propaganda was found all over Alternia. We were told horror stories about how Homeworld treats some of their subjects, there would be stereotypes in all our media . . . like in the Thresh Prince there would be at least three or four episodes person season where Troll Will Smith would have to face up against emotionless Quartz soldiers."

"That's ironic," Dave says.

"How?" Steven questions.

"It'd take too long to explain," Dave insists.

"Meaning Dave could probably explain it in four to five minutes but since he's a fuckmunch buttwriggler he'll take over an hour," Karkat translates. "But what we're talking about is already going to take long enough."

"So is it just the mud-slinging?" Steven asks. "Is that why Trolls and Gems don't like each other?"

"Well there's more to it than that," Karkat says. "Like I said before, Alternia and Homeworld both need to conquer other planets for resources. That being said, there was obviously clashing to try and claim worlds, which leads to fighting."

"So were you at war?"

"No, thank the gogs, but there was conflict, and Gems and Trolls are pretty much matched when it comes to combat," Karkat continues. "Both Gems and Trolls have the technology to traverse space from infinity and fucking beyond but there's more than that. Gems are virtually immortal, don't need to eat or sleep, and have their teleportation systems which make it easy for them to move troops around. However, Gems' bodies are just made of light and easy to disrupt with slicing or piercing attacks. Trolls need to eat and sleep, and we don't have the teleportation networks but we're pretty sturdy on our own. Our skin's thick and our bone plates are near unbreakable."

"Bone plates?" Steven questions.

"Yes, instead of the bone sticks you human have, Trolls bones are more like plates," Karkat continues.

"Cuz you know how bugs have those exoskeletons?" Dave asks and Steven nods. "It's like that for Trolls it's just that it's under the skin and muscles."

"So Trolls are like bugs?" Steven asks.

"We do come from the Mother Grub and I've been told that our youngling form looks like a human "bug" just with a head. That's why we're called grubs," Karkat answers. "But anyway, Trolls also have better survival skills than Gems because we all grew up on the harsh environment of Alternia. We built our own houses as grubs which included plumbing, we had to hunt and gather water not only for ourselves but our caretakers as well, and we had to survive in a world where other Trolls would kill us. Gems, on the other hand are all born with all the knowledge they think they could ever hand and certain Gems do certain jobs, so they don't necessarily have the same survival techniques as us.

"So when it came down to fighting over disputed planets, Gems and Trolls were equally matched. Gems won some planets and lost some planets. Same for the Trolls. Whether they lost or won, each side had casualties. To summarize, the hate between Gems and Trolls come from how each regime portrayed their rival and having to fight for planets."

"Oh," Steven says. "That seems . . . a bit simpler. But why would the Gems hate you guys if it's just that?"

"Because for them, it's probably the casualties from the Troll and Gem conflicts," Karkat answers. "Trolls are ruthless, always have been, always will be. I would have been killed for the color of my blood, we had games were if you lost you'd be dead, and the weak were culled. Trolls have no hesitation when it came to smashing Gems. That's what we were actually taught to do. So they're probably upset about that."

Steven is silent for a moment then he asks, "If Homeworld attacked . . . and sent Gem soldiers after us . . . would you smash their Gems?"

Karkat looks surprised that he asked that question. He pauses to think over his answer, and says, "I suppose. In theory at least. I've never killed anyone . . ."

"Why? How would you go 'bout it?" Dave asks Steven.

"I wouldn't smash their Gems, we could try to talk them out of it . . . or at the very least bubble them," Steven says. "I just don't want to hurt anyone."

"And would the Gems just bubble the invaders?" Karkat asks.

"Yes," Steven says.

"Then we could do the same," Karkat says. "This is your war, after all. We'll just be soldiers following orders."

"I don't want you guys to be soldiers. I want you guys to be a part of the team," Steven insists. "I want you guys to be Crystal Gems too."

"The only problem there is that I'm a Troll, not a Gem," Karkat points out.

"You don't _have_ to be a Gem," Steven says. "You all rebelled against your society by playing that game, and you continue to rebel today, just like the other Gems. And you came to the Earth to be free, just like the other Gems. You're also willing to protect the Earth, meaning you're a Crystal Gem too!"

"Do we have membership cards?" Dave asks.

"I wish!" Steven answers.

"Interesting proposition," Karkat says. "But I don't think I'm a 'Crystal Gem' until the other Gems are okay with me-and that may take a long time. Thanks for the offer, but we should probably get back to cleaning up or else we'll never hear the end of it from the others."

"Oh shit you're right," Dave agrees as he goes back over to his part of Can Town. "Rose is gonna have my hind if we don't get this done."

"Okay," Steven agrees and he starts to put cans back into boxes. He adds though," Thanks for telling me Karkat. The Gems' aren't always up front about everything. They want to protect me and stuff."

"It's nothing," Karkat grumbles and he goes back to work.

You Don't Know Jack

Steven asks Dave if he can meet the two other carapaces, and Dave and Karkat bring him to a room just off of Can Town. Inside, there's a white carapace dressed in a colorful wrap sowing something at a table while a black carapace with one arm stands in front of some mirrors, waiting.

"This is Ms. Paint," Karkat begins.

Ms. Paint steps forward and shakes Steven's hand, and he thinks that she looks happy.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Steven!" Steven greets himself. Ms. Paint nods in reply and walks over to the one-armed carapace and helps him get the jacket she just finished making on.

"Lookin' slick Jack," Dave compliments the one-armed carapace as Ms. Paint fits him with a new suit. Jack just scowls deeper.

"How'd he loose an arm?" Steven asks.

"The Mail Lady chopped it off," Karkat answers. "To get the Black Queen's ring off his finger."

"That seems a bit extreme," Steven says.

"All's fair in hate and war," Karkat shrugs.

"Isn't it love and war?" Steven checks.

"In their case, no."

Ms. Paint finally stops fussing over Jack and he steps down from in front of the mirrors, starting to stalk directly towards Steven, Karkat and Dave.

"Steven," Dave begins. "This is Jack Noir."

"Hi! Nice to meet you!" Steven greets Jack holding out his hand. Jack just looks at it for a second before he stabs Steven in the arm with a plastic knife.

"Ow!" Steven exclaims, pulling back his arm. Jack stabbed hard, but at least it was just plastic.

"No! Bad Jack!" Karkat shouts as he starts to spray Jack with a spray bottle he pulled out of nowhere. Jack drops the plastic fork and begins to hiss, before he sulks back towards Ms. Paint. He almost looks like a dog that's just been scolded.

"Why'd he do that?" Steven asks confusedly. He really wants to stop being attacked by almost every new person he meets.

"That's just Jack's way of greeting people," Karkat explains. "In my game, my Jack stabbed me with a knife. I think the only emotion he's capable of feeling is stabby."

"Stabby isn't an emotion," Steven argues.

"Anger would be better," Dave suggests.

"Jack's just that kind of guy," Karkat excuses. "But Jade said that we can try to teach how to not stab people every time he meets someone new."

"That's a good life skill," Steven agrees. "Maybe we should get out of here before I'm attacked again."

"That's probably a good idea."

Bigger, Badder, and Now with 70% More Cans!

This is probably the wrong time for the Gems to enter his room because it's currently covered in cans.

There are literally cans _everywhere_.

There are so many cans that Steven can't even see his kitchen anymore.

He's regretting letting Dave rebuild Can Town in his room.

Steven hears the warp pad before he sees the Gems, mainly because he's near the front door helping Terezi rebuild Wall Street out of cans. He thinks Dave is over there remaking the 7 Great Wonders of Cans, or it might be Karkat with the Mayor trying to remake the residential areas, or Vriska not doing anything.

"STEVEN!" Pearl calls out. Steven looks up and he can kinda see Garnet's head over the skyscrapers made of cans in the middle of the room. "WHERE DID ALL THESE CANS COME FROM?"

"I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THERE WOULD BE SO MANY!" Steven replies. He turns to Terezi, "There weren't this many cans originally! I remember-I was there when we packed up!"

"We went around a looted through people's garbage for more cans," Terezi admits.

"Ew."

"HEY WATCH IT!" Karkat yells at the Gems, supposedly. "THAT WAS SOMEONE'S HOUSE YOU BULGESNIFFERS!"

"An' we don't have any disasters planned yet!" Dave adds. "So be careful please!"

Steven watches as Garnet walks straight through the skyscrapers, sending cans everywhere, in true Garnet fashion. With his sight now cleared, Steven can see the horrified look on Dave's and Karkat's faces. The Mayor looks pretty shocked as well, but that's probably because Amethyst just ate a can of corn whole, can and all, right in front of him.

"There's no way that this can stay in here," Garnet says.

"Why not?" Terezi asks.

"This is a mess!" Pearl exclaims, jumping through the hole Garnet made. "How is Steven supposed to get to the kitchen! How is he supposed to get to his bed! How are we supposed to get to the front door!"

"Actually," Steven admits. "I have to agree with Pearl on this one. I need to eat and sleep."

"Fair enough," Dave agrees with a shrug. "Sorry Mayor, we'll just have to find a place inside the battleship."

The Mayor nods in agreement, as if he too was saying 'fair enough'.

"Well that's five hours of my life I'm never getting back," Karkat sighs. "May as well just have been . . ." Karkat dwindles off from his complaining as he watches Amethyst eat two more cans. "How is that fucking possible."

"Vriska!" Dave calls. "You have free reign of the place! We'll need to pack up anyways!"

"Alright!" Vriska jumps off from Steven's loft and crashes into the cans, starting to knock them over with disregard. Pearl watches as she does, looking scandalized at the mess she's making.

"If you can beat them," Terezi says as she kicks down one of the Wall Street buildings they just made, "Join them!"

"Now this, I can get in on," Amethyst announces as she gulps down another can and them runs into the can mayhem.

And so, another Can Town falls. But the next one will be better. And this time, it'll have 80% more cans.

Ghostbuster Online MMOG

There's a knock at the door and Steven looks away from his dinner to see Dave and Karkat standing at the door. Dave has an arm around Karkat's shoulders and it looks like Karkat's carrying a movie.

"You guys don't have to knock," Steven says. "You basically live on the beach now so my home is your home."

"Just call is Texan curtesy," Dave insists as he and Karkat walk in. "But anyway, me and Karkat were wondering if we could use your TV."

"John is using one of the televisions to show Jade, Terezi and Vriska how to play a video game with really grubfuck buldgeshitting graphics," Karkat explains. "It's that Ghostbusters game and it looks like a heinous pile of shit . . . but they seemed to be having fun."

"And Dirk's showing the Roxy, Calliope, Rose, Kanaya and Jasprose a bad anime flick," Dave continues. "I would have insisted that we sit in but I've had enough of Rose's psychoanalyzing bullshit. Besides, it's date night."

"Do you mind?" Karkat asks.

"Nah I'm just making dinner and then I was gonna read," Steven explains. "Go ahead."

"Thanks man," Dave says as he and Karkat climb the stairs up to Steven's loft. They put the DVD in and sit at the foot of his bed, cuddling up to each other as the movie starts. It's actually kinda cute.

Steven finishes his sandwich and retreats to his couch where he picks up Connie's latest suggestion (a series about a dystopian island where creative kids are sentenced to death but are really taken in by an old man that teaches them magic and art), gets comfortable, and begins to read. The noise from the TV and Dave and Karkat's chatter don't even bother him as he gets absorbed into book.

About an hour later the door to the temple opens and Pearl steps out. Steven glances up momentarily to see her scan the room, and when she sees the trolls she scowls. Steven wishes that he could do something to change how she views the Trolls, but since he hasn't thought of anything he goes back to reading.

Pearl begins to walk towards the door and is about the greet Steven when from the loft Dave cries out, "No Karkat stop!"

Within an instant, before Steven can even register the situation, Pearl has pulled out her spear and has it aimed at Karkat. Up on the loft, something much less sinister is taking place, as Karkat was about to initiate a tickle-fight from the looks of it. As soon as Karkat sees Pearl's spear he almost falls backwards into the window, trying to get out of her view.

"Hey, everythin's fine!" Dave quickly clears up. "I was just tryin' to avoid tickling hell so no need to pull out a spear on us."

"Oh," Pearl says coldly, still looking at Karkat. She disperses her spear, "My apologizes."

Pearl heads out the door and Steven jumps off the couch to follow her, "Pearl!"

"Is something wrong Steven?" Pearl pauses on the deck, sounding innocent.

"Yeah! Why are you so jumpy around the trolls?" Steven asks.

Pearl sighs, "You don't know what they did to Gems during our . . . conflicts."

"They would smash them," Steven tells Pearl. She gets a surprised look on her face and is about to ask, but Steven answers, "Karkat told. I asked him why Gems and Trolls don't get along. He knows why. The other Trolls know why. And they all aren't going to do that. I even asked Karkat what he would do if Homeworld invade and he said that he would just poof them. They aren't going to hurt us Pearl!"

"You can never be sure Steven," Pearl tries to insist.

"But Garnet saw it in her future vision!" Steven reminds her. "And I'm more sure that you're going to hurt the Trolls than them hurting you!"

"Wha-"

"You pulled your weapon out on Karkat because he was about to get in a _tickle fight_ with Dave!" Steven points out. "Please try to get along with the Trolls, Pearl. Please."

"I . . . suppose I'll try," Pearl answers. Steven hopes she's not just saying that to make him happy.

"Really try," Steven says.

"I'll really try," Pearl repeats.

"Alright," Steven replies as he starts to head back inside. "See you later!"

"Goodbye," Pearl says as Steven steps inside.

Once inside, Steven can see that Dave and Karkat have paused the movie, as Karkat is pacing and muttering about "almost being stabbed by Pearl and becoming a troll kabob". Dave pulls Karkat into his lap and begins to pat Karkat's head, which seems to help him calm down.

"I talk to Pearl," Steven says as he comes in. "She says that she'll try to get along with you guys more."

"See?" Dave says. "Nothin' ta worry 'bout."

"Hopefully," Karkat sighs. "Let's just finish the movie before the fusion tries to pound me to death. She almost broke my hand when we shook."

"Garnet just has a really strong handshake!" Steven interjects.

"If you say so."

Steven get back to reading. Hopefully, everything will work out.

Troll Beach City

Steven runs out to the beach where the Kids and Trolls are moving any remaining furniture and boxes out of the Meteor and into the battleship, "HEY GUYS!"

"What's up?" Dave drops everything (literally dropping everything, a bunch of cheesy romance movies fall out of the box he was carrying).

"DAVE!" Karkat yells. "I TOLD YOU TO BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE!"

"Ronaldo posted the interview he got with you guys on his blog!" Steven announces, showing Dave and Karkat the post on his laptop.

"What interview?" John asks as he floats over.

"Some guy at the fry shop wanted an interview because we're aliens," Vriska answers. "So we decided to grace us with our godly presence."

"He looked like he was about to cry so Steven made us answer his questions," Karkat corrects.

"Ronaldo was not about to cry," Steven corrects. "He's just really passionate about the weird."

"And we're weird just because we're aliens?" Karkat asks. "Trust me, you humans are pretty weird. You're all squishy and pink."

"Oh man Steven you gotta read this out loud," John insists. "This has got to be hilarious."

"How?" Karkat asks.

"Because you probably shouted at the poor guy and you shouting is always hilarious," John argues.

"John, you are a grubshit excuse for a pile of flesh," Karkat insults. "And I'll have you know that I was very civil! It was that huge bitch," Karkat points at Vriska, "who made a scene!"

"I did nothing of the sorts!" Vriska says, scandalized.

"In the middle of the interview you stole a human teenager's school-feeding jacket!" Karkat yells.

"It was cool," Vriska argues.

"Read it, Steven," John pushes.

"Alright," Steven begins. " _Yesterday, while working at the Fry Shop, I meet actual, bone fide aliens . . ._ "

 _Yesterday, while working at the Fry Shop, I met actual, bona fide aliens! There were six of them, as well as two humans and Steven. Steven was telling all of them about the wonders of fries-since they are aliens and all-and as they ordered, I asked them if they were up for an interview. One of them gave me a rather . . . rude response._

"What did you say Karkat?" John asks.

"Why do you assume it was me?!" Karkat demands.

"What did you say?" John repeats.

Karkat sighs, "I told him to mind his own fucking earwax."

"And then I told him to shove his ears into the fryers if he doesn't," Vriska adds.

"Okay," John is satisfied. "Continue."

 _But Steven scolded them and scored me and interview with them. We met at Fish Stew Pizza after my shift where we conducted the interview. I recorded the whole thing, but since I have had previous failure with uploading sounds and video files to this site, I decided to just transcribe the entire event._

 _RONALDO: You guys showed up! I was afraid that you wouldn't._

 _STEVEN: There's no way we'd miss this!_

 _KARKAT: AND BELIEVE ME, WE TRIED._

 _(Note-the Trolls have asked me to translate their answers into their "typing quirks". Could this be some type of alien code? Or is it just leet speak?)_

 _RONALDO: There's some many things that I want to ask you!_

 _KARKAT: THEN GET OVER WITH IT. I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN ANSWER YOUR PATHETIC **** SQUABBLING QUESTIONS._

 _STEVEN: C'mon Karkat. This is your chance to come out humans!_

 _KARKAT: WE'RE NOT LEAVING THE PROVERBIAL CLOSET, BECAUSE TROLLS DON'T SHARE HUMANS INANE SEXUAL CATEGORIES._

 _RONALDO: Fascinating._

 _VRISKA: I h8 to say it, 8ut I have to agree with Karkat. There's much 8etter things that I could 8e doing._

 _ROSE: Like what?_

 _VRISKA: Like this._

 _*Chairs shuffling and the doorbell rings as Vriska leaves. Everyone tries to look over the shoulders of the other patrons, but they don't get answers until Vriska comes back with a Beach City High varsity jacket*_

 _VRISKA: Like this._

 _KANAYA: Succumbing To Your Kleptomaniac Urges_

 _VRISKA: 8eing cool, Fussy Fangs._

 _TEREZI: C4N W3 PL34S3 G3T TH1S OV3R W1TH B3FOR3 1 H4V3 TO TURN MY MOR41L 1N TO YOUR HUM4N L3G1SL4TORS._

 _STEVEN: What's a politician gonna do?_

 _TEREZI: H4NG H3R :)_

 _(Note-that emoji is not just an emoji, her face was exactly like that. The greater than sign is there because she has horns.)_

 _(Note note-I seemed to have forgotten to mention that these aliens have grey skin-well, one of them has white skin-and have orange horns. They always have claws and sharp teeth, so they are obvious carnivores.)_

 _RONALDO: Your species obviously is very different from ours-_

 _KARKAT: NOT THAT MUCH. WE KNOW WHAT HUMANS ARE LIKE. WE'RE LIVED ASIDE THEM FOR THREE YEARS._

 _DAVE: An' me an' my sis Rose would be those humans._

 _(Note-Dave has a Texan accent. He doesn't look like he would have one, but he does.)_

"What does that mean?" Dave insists.

"I guess you don't look Texan enough," John shrugs.

"That's it I'm buyin' a cowboy hat."

 _RONALDO: We should be getting on with the interview._

 _KARKAT: PLEASE._

 _RONALDO: Why did you come to Earth? Is it our advance way of life? Our weapons? Our superior entertainment?_

 _KARKAT: FIRST THING'S FIRST-_

 _VRISKA: No not first thing's first! You're going to go on another rant a8out how human entertainment sucks and I'm sick of hearing it!_

 _KARKAT: EARTH ENTERTAINMENT DOESN'T SUCK, ALTERNIAN ENTERTAINMENT IS JUST BETTTER._

 _KANAYA: That Is Not Even The Question_

 _TEREZI: 4ND TO 4NSW3R YOUR QU3ST1ON MR. FRYM4N-W3 C4M3 H3R3 B3C4US3 1T 1S TH3 ONLY PL4C3 1N TH3 UN1V3RS3 TH4T WOULD 4CC3PT US 4ND WH3R3 W3 WOULD NOT D13._

 _KARKAT: NOT FOR EARTH'S ENTETAINMENT! ALTERNIA'S MOVIES AND TV SHOWS WERE THE BEST ANY PLANET COULD OFFER. WHO COULD FORGET THE CINMATIC MASTERPIECE OF WEREIN NUMEROUS VIGILANTES CONFRONT PERIL; ONE OF THEM BETRAYS THE OTHERS; (BUT IT TURN OUT TO BE APART OF THE PLAN ALL ALONG); SEVERAL ATTRACT-_

 _DAVE: As much as I love hearin' your voice babe, this might not be the time nor place to repeat an entire Alternian movie title._

 _RONALDO: Why not?_

 _DAVE: Cuz it gives away the entire plot._

 _KARKAT: AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF I WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE OR NOT WHEN THE TITLE IS JUST AN ADJECTIVE?! FROZEN!? TANGLED?_ _BRAVE_ _!? THESE TELL YOU NOTHING OF THE PERILS OR ADVENTURES THE PROTAGONSISTS._

 _RONALDO: Amazing. I feel like I'm learning so much about your culture!_

 _KANAYA: You Really Are Not_

 _RONALDO: What planet did you guys come from?_

 _KANAYA: Hhm I Though That Terezis Answer Would Have Prompted More Questions But Here We Are Moving Along Like Nothing Has Happened_

 _ROSE: Do you really want to explain your game, ours and the Alpha's._

 _KANAYA: No_

 _ROSE: Then be thankful._

 _RONALDO: But what planet do you guys come from?_

 _KARKAT: ALTERNIA._

 _RONALDO: What was life on Alternia like?_

 _KARKAT: IT FUCKING SUCKED._

 _VRISKA: It was okay._

 _TEREZI: NO 1T SUCK3D._

 _KANAYA: It Was In Fact Terrible_

 _RONALDO: What?_

 _KARKAT: YOU THINK WE'RE FROM SOME UTOPIAN PLANET WHERE EVERYTHING IS SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS, YOU'RE WRONG. OUR PLANET EXISTS IN THIS UNIVERSE BUT WE CHOSE EARTH INSTEAD BECAUSE ALTERNIA IS THE LITERAL EMBODIMENT OF GRUB**** MIXED WITH VOMIT. IT RUINED US._

 _TEREZI: B4S1C4LLY._

 _KARKAT: THE ONLY PLANET IN THE UNIVERSE THAT COMES CLOSE TO BEING AS BAD AS ALTERNIA IS HOMEWORLD, BUT THAT'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TOPIC FOR ME TO GET FIRED UP ABOUT._

 _RONALDO: What's so bad about it?_

 _KARKAT: FIRST OFF, CASTE SYSTEM BASED ON COLOR OF BLOOD. WHICH IS ****ING IDOTIC._

 _VRISKA: You're acting like it was just 8ased on 8lood 8ut it's not._

 _STEVEN: It's not?_

 _VRISKA: High 8loods live longer than low 8loods._

 _KANAYA: Which Does Not Matter Now_

 _KARKAT: YEAH, IT DOESN'T. THE SECOND THINGS IS THAT OUR LEADER WAS-IS-A *****. SHE SUCKS. I THOUGHT SHE WAS COOL ONCE UPON A TIME, BUT I'M OVER THAT NOW._

 _VRISKA: Her 8eforus-self was pretty cool._

 _RONALDO: What's that mean?_

 _KARKAT: ONE BRIDGE AT A TIME._

 _DAVE: That's not the saying._

 _KARKAT: WHO ****ING CARES?_

 _TEREZI: 4LSO 4LT3RN14 H4D 4 BROK3N JUST1C3 SYST3M. WR1GGL3RS W3R3 3NCOUR4G3D TO K1LL TO B3COM3 F1T TO S3RV3 H3R 1MP3R1OUS COND3SC3NS1ON. CYCL3S OF R3V3NG3 COULD GO ON FOR3V3R UNT1L 3V3RYON3 W4S D34D._

 _RONALDO: What about your parents? Couldn't they stop it?_

 _KARKAT: WE DON'T HAVE PARENTS. WE HAVE LUSI WHO TOOK CARE OF US UNTIL THEIR DEATHS._

 _TEREZI: 4ND B3FOR3 YOU 4SK 4BOUT 4DULT TROLLS MOST W3R3 K3PT OF 4LT3RN14 B3C43S3 TH3Y W3R3 S3RV1NG 1N H1C'S FORC3S. 4LT3N14 W4S DY1NG 4NYW4Y, 1T TURN3D 1NTO 4 SURV1V4L COURS3 FOR H1C'S FOTUR3 SOLD13RS, 4K4 3V3RYON3._

 _RONALDO: So if you guys don't have parents, how were you born?_

 _KANAYA: Well Drones Would Collect Genetic Material From The Population To Be Taken To The Breeding Caverns. There They Material Would Be Given To The Mother Grub To Be Combined Into An Incestuous Slurry Before Giving Birth To Grubs_

 _STEVEN: Ew._

 _RONALDO: Fascinating. So does that mean that your physiology is bug-like in nature?_

 _KANAYA: Yes Basically As Babies We Look Like Bugs_

 _KANAYA: If Those Bugs Has Troll Heads_

 _KARKAT: I'D ALSO LIKE TO NOTE, THAT'S TECHNICALLY NOT HOW WE WERE MADE BUT WE'RE STATISTICAL OUTLIERS AND SHOULD NOT BE COUNTED._

 _RONALDO: So basically you're beople, or bug people._

 _VRISKA: That's ****ing stupid, we're Trolls._

 _(Note: Still gonna call them beople)_

"Beople is still fucking stupid," Vriska states.

"If that fry guy is going to meet a non-game playing Trolls and calls them that to their face, he is going to die," Karkat states.

"I like it!" John says, though he's probably just saying that to annoy Karkat. " _Beople_."

"I hate you Egbert."

"In a black way or in general?"

For some reason, that sends Karkat over the edge and he tries to attack John, incoherently screeching as John flies out of his range. John flies around in a circle a couple of times until he feels that Karkat won't come after him again, and returns to the group.

"Keep reading," John prompts. "I wanna know what happens next!"

 _RONALDO: What other bug-like qualities do you have? Do you have other legs? Are you insectoid or arachnid in nature? Do you have wings? Can you fly?_

 _DAVE: If you scratch their horns they sound like cicadas._

 _KARKAT: DAVE!_

 _ROSE: They have tentacles._

 _KANAYA: Rose_

 _RONALDO: Where?_

 _ROSE: I think we both know where._

 _RONALDO: You mean . . ._

 _ROSE: Yes I do._

 _KARKAT: ROSE!_

 _STEVEN: I still don't get it._

 _DAVE: You aren't supposed to and you never will._

"Yeah, what do you guys mean by tentacles? And where?" Steven asks. Karkat and Dave start to blush again.

"Yeah. What does Rose mean?" John questions.

"I'll tell you later John," Vriska promises.

"What about me?" Steven asks.

"Still too young," Dave claims. "Keep reading, please."

 _KARKAT: MOVING ON! WE DON'T HAVE OTHER LEGS WE SHED THOSE WHEN WE PUPATE._

 _TEREZI: 4ND W3 H4V3 BON3 PL4T3S INST34D OF BON3S._

 _KANAYA: I Suppose We Are Insectoid Because As Grubs We Have Six Legs Not Eight_

 _VRISKA: Sadly, 8ut we do have wings. 8ut not 8ecause we're 8ug-like. And we can fly, 8ut not 8ecause of the wings._

 _RONALDO: Explain._

 _VRISKA: During this game we played, you could die and 8ecome a god. I was the only one in the group who died on their quest 8ed and achieved god tier._

 _TEREZI: 4ND SO D1D 4R4D14._

 _VRISKA: L8r she did! I did it first! She was just a ro8ot at the time!_

 _TEREZI: 4ND L4T3R WH3N W3 R34L1Z3D TH4T TH3 G4M3 W4S ST1LL BROK3N W3 CH34T3D TH3 SYST3M SO TH3 R3ST OF US COULD 4CH13V3 GOD T13R TOO._

 _KARKAT: ROXY MADE QUEST SLABS. WE DIED ON THEM. CAME BACK AS GODS._

 _KANAYA: We Just Decide Not to Wear The Fancy Robes Because They Are Some What Gaudy_

 _DAVE: But so comfortable. Like pajamas._

 _RONALDO: So you all are gods_ _and_ _aliens?_

 _KARKAT: YES._

 _DAVE: Well me an' Rose are humans but yeah we're gods._

 _STEVEN: I didn't know you guys are god tiers too!_

 _VRISKA: We don't have to wear those silly clothes allllllll the time._

 _(Note: For some reason, I feel like Vriska pronounced so it has exactly eight l's. She does that a lot, actually. She scares me.)_

"As I should!"

 _KARKAT: IS THE INTERVIEW OVER NOW?_

 _VRISKA: Yeah I'm done. See ya l8r losers!_

 _*Vriska leaves*_

 _TEREZI: 1 B3TT3R GO 4ND M4K3 SUR3 SH3 DO3SN'T BR34K 4NY HUM4N L4WS._

 _KANAYA: I Think It Is Too Late She Did Already Steal That Jacket_

 _TEREZI: CORR3CT1ON-4NY MOR3 HUM4N L4WS._

 _*Terezi leaves*_

 _KARKAT: IF THEY'RE OUT OF HERE, I AM TOO . . . BYE._

 _*Karkat leaves and Dave follows without a word*_

 _ROSE: I guess that's the end of the interview._

 _RONALDO: But I still have some many questions about their alien culture!_

 _KANAYA: I Am Still Here_

 _RONALDO: Oh right! Do you have anime? And subs or dubs?_

 _*Wordlessly, Kanaya stands up and leaves*_

 _RONALDO: Now I'll never know!_

 _STEVEN: Maybe next time Ronaldo! They're probably all tired from having a fun day at Funland!_

 _ROSE: Ronaldo, I have known the Trolls for over four years and I must tell you,_

 _RONALDO: What?_

 _ROSE: They left because they don't like you._

 _*Rose gets up and leaves. Steven apologizes and follows*_

 _So even though they all left, I'm hoping to get another interview in if they come by the Fry Shop again! I'm so excited! What if Steven have more alien friends! I'll know more about life in space than the average human being! Till next time, this is Ronaldo signing off._

 _To be continued?_

"I can't believe Rose killed Ronaldo," John says.

"He's fine," Steven insists.

"It was a sick burn," Dave agrees. "But Karkat, are you up for another interview?"

"Dave," Karkat says. "I am never doing another interview again as long as I live."

"Okay babe."

The Weasel Becomes a Plot Device

A loud crash summons everyone outside, and for the first time, it's not because of anything going on the Golden Battleship. Instead, it's a giant Gem Monsters that's landed on the Golden Battleship. It kinda looks like a giant bat, with its leathery wings and giant claws. It has no eyes or nose, just a giant, screeching mouth. Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst have already engaged it in combat, and Steven can see the Gem on its back as it faces them.

"What the fuck is going on!?" Karkat demands as he runs up to Steven with John, Rose, Dave, Kanaya, Terezi, Vriska and Aradia trailing close behind.

"A gem monster is attacking!" Steven explains as he summons his shield. "Is anyone inside the ship?"

"Jake and Jade took the others to visit the Felt," Rose explains. "I think they really just wanted to visit what used to be their home, and for the others it was better than sitting around."

"Well, they were wrong. Mothra is attacking," Dave says. "That's plenty more exciting."

"It's obviously a bat Dave, not a moth," John argues.

"How do you get it off our ship!?" Karkat yells, focusing on the more important things. As he says that, the gem monsters jumps off the Battleship and glides towards the Temple where it clings to the side of the statue. Pearl, Garnet and Amethyst run after it.

"Like that," Terezi says with a cackle.

"We should help," John says.

"Yeah we can s-" Vriska begins.

"We'll poof it," Karkat interrupts, slowly gaining a calm head. "And bubble it. Or, the Gems will bubble it."

"Sounds like a plan," Dave agrees.

John summons his hammer, Dave unsheathes his sword, Rose grabs her two wands (or are they knitting needles, Steven can't tell), Karkat draws his sickles, and Aradia pulls out her whip. Meanwhile, Vriska, Terezi and Kanaya pulls out their common household items.

"How are those weapons?" Steven asks.

"Watch," Terezi says. She pulls her cane apart at the center and unsheathes a blade. Kanaya simply twists her lipstick tube and it turns into a chainsaw. Vriska rolls her dice and summons a jumping weasel.

"GOGDAMMIT!" Vriska yells. "WE WERE ALL BEING COOL AND I HAD TO ROLL THAT FUCKER!"

"I think the bat is distracted by the weasel, at least," Rose says. The Gem Monsters had indeed stopped screeching and is watching the weasel flail about.

"I guess it's entertaining," Vriska says half-heartedly.

"Let's just go," Karkat groans.

John, Dave, Rose and Aradia jump into the air, all flying towards the Gem Monsters. Terezi, Vriska and Kanaya run forward, but Karkat sticks behind.

"Let's distract it and try to get it towards the water," Karkat decides.

"Right!" Steven agrees. "Vriska! Get your weasel to go towards the beach!"

"You think that I can control it!?" Vriska shouts back as Aradia flies up to the Gem Monsters, wraps her whip around its neck, and yanks it back to choke it. Amethyst joins in, seeing that it's stopping the monster for the moment. "I'M NOT DOING THAT I'M MISSING ALLLLLLLL THE ACTION!"

"Just do it!" Terezi yells at her.

"UHG!" Vriska groans, but she runs back towards the weasel and starts pushing it towards the beach, though it is struggling to try and go its own way. "MOVE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!"

"Try being nicer to it!" Steven suggests.

Vriska raises her middle finger at him, and Steven has no idea what that's supposed to mean but from a distance, Dave shouts, "THAT'S NOT A CHILD-FRIENDLY GESTURE VRISKA!"

Slowly, Vriska starts to move the weasel towards the water. It catches the Gem Monster's eye (if it had one) and distracts it enough that Garnet can land a blow right in its face. It screeches, breaks away from Aradia's and Amethyst's whips, and launches off the Temple towards the weasel.

Pearl lands next to Steven and Karkat and demands, "What are you guys doing?"

"Distracting it," Karkat answers. "For some reason that I can barely fathom, it likes the weasel, as annoying as it is."

As Karkat says that, Vriska rolls out of the way of the diving Gem Monsters as it reaches for the weasel. The weasel, as jumpy as ever, manages to evade the Monster's grasps and wiggles towards the beach as if it knew its mission. Steven finds himself cheering the little weasel on even though Vriska's off to the side cursing the Monster for not catching it.

Garnet lands down next to Steven as Amethyst continues to attack the Monster with the Kids and Trolls, "We'll use the weasel to our advantage."

"If we keep it out of its grasp it'll be distracted enough that me, Dave, Kanaya, Terezi, or Pearl can land a slicing blow across its chest. That should be enough to poof it," Karkat says.

"Why you guys?" Steven asks.

"Because slicing attacks work best," Karkat says. He then realizes something, and looks between Garnet and Pearl sheepishly. "That's just what I do."

"It's a good plan," Garnet admits, but she isn't looking at Karkat, and neither is Pearl. "We'll go with it. I'll go and get the weasel, Pearl get ready to attack, you two tell the others."

With that, Garnet and Pearl jump off, Garnet towards the weasel, and Pearl at the monster. Karkat lets out a very shaky deep breath as curses, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck."

"What? They went with your plan!" Steven tries to comfort Karkat.

"Yes, but I basically told them that we would capture the Gem Monster with the same technique were learned to poof and eventually shatter Gems on Alternia," Karkat reveals.

"O-oh," Steven says. "But you're not trying to shatter it, you're trying to help the Monster! I'm sure Pearl and Garnet understand."

"I sure fucking hope so," Karkat sighs. "Let's just tell the others."

Steven and Karkat join the battle, spreading the word easily. Soon, everyone's aware of the plan, and the game of hot potato but with a large-than-average, white, jumping weasel.

Garnet manages to grab to the weasel, and throws it to Amethyst, who tosses it to John, and he hits it with his hammer like a baseball bat. Rose uses her wands to cast a magic that catches it, and then tosses it over to Aradia. Aradia momentarily puts away her whip and throws it to Vriska, who passes it to Garnet, and so on and so forth.

Meanwhile, Karkat, Pearl, Dave, Terezi, and Kanaya are circling the Monster and sometimes accosting it to try and get a clean blow, but it's hard with all of the fur on it and because it's so flighty.

The Monster is stuck running around in circles to try and capture the weasel that is probably regretting its life choices as its being thrown around like a hot potato.

Finally, as Amethyst throws a curve ball (curve weasel?) at Vriska, Kanaya gets the perfect chances and jumps, slicing her chainsaw clean through the Gem Monster's chest. The Monster lets out one final screech and it poofs, leaving on the Gem that as on its back. Karkat jumps up to grab it before it crashes into the sand, revealing tiny red fairy wings as he just needed a little boost to catch it. He then passes it right to Garnet who bubbles it, and sends it straight to the Temple.

"That was great!" John declares afterwards. "We should team up like that more often!"

"And you can go away," Vriska tells the weasel, and it starts to hop away, into the sunset.

"What have you just unleashed on mankind Vriska?" Terezi asks.

"I don't fucking care."

Steven regroups with the other Gems, but notices that Karkat is occasionally glancing over, with a fearful look in his eyes. Steven doesn't think that he messed up that bad, but he's obviously in turmoil because Dave is patting his head again.

"Karkat," Garnet finally speaks out.

Karkat jumps, but then replies, "Yes?"

"Good job with the plan," Garnet says.

"Uh . . ." Karkat goes wide-eyed. "Thanks, yeah."

"That's why he's our co-friend-leader!" john says proudly, floating over Karkat's head to ruffle his hair.

"I would have come up with a much better plan," Vriska brags.

"But we wouldn't have had to exploit your embarrassing roll," Rose snidely says.

"But it was a pretty cool plan," Amethyst adds as Rose and Vriska glare at each other.

"Yeah, I guess it was cool," Karkat admits.

"You saved the day," Dave tells him as he wraps an arm around his shoulder.

Steven cheers, "Yay Karkat!"

"We'll have to work together more in the future," Garnet says.

"Really?" Pearl checks.

"Yes," Garnet finishes, and she walks away towards the Temple, followed by Pearl and Amethyst.

"Now what?" John asks.

"I dunno," Dave admits. "But the others are sure gonna be jealous that we defeated a monster with a weasel and a chainsaw."

Rules to be Cool

Steven enters his house after visiting the Big Donut and finds Dave sitting at his counter, noticeably wearing a cowboy hat, and looking at something on a laptop.

"Hi Dave," Steven greets the coolkid as he gets up on the stool next to Dave. Steven glances at Dave's laptop screen, and it's on a page about Pepe the Frog. Steven adds, "I like your cowboy hat."

"Does it make me look more Texan?" Dave asks, not taking his eyes off the computer screen (or at least Steven thinks he isn't, it's hard to tell with his shades).

"Definitely," Steven says, "So what'cha doin'?"

"I'm catching up on memes," Dave explains. "Can't be a coolkid if you don't know your memes, and I've missed seven years of them. I mean, look at this guy. Back in 2008, I would've never guessed how big Pepe would've gotten."

"So to become a coolkid, all you have to know it memes?" Steven asks.

"Naw, there are plenty of conditions to become a coolkid," Dave begins. "You gotta own a cool pair of shades, sit at the back of the school bus, know your memes, be ironic, don't do drugs, be nice to kids-"

"That's a lot of conditions," Steven says.

"It's just the tip of the iceberg," Dave replies.

"Hold on, I gotta write this all down," Steven runs off to his room to grab a pair of cool shades and a note pads, and runs back, "Okay, start over."

Dave turns to Steven, "#1: own a cool pair of shades-which I see you've got covered. #2: Sit at the back of the school bus. #3: Always be ironic. #4 . . ."

About an hour later, Dave is still coming up with coolkid rules. Rose and Karkat had both mentioned that Dave rambles a lot, so Steven wonders if he's just making stuff up by now, or if he was making stuff up this whole time.

"Rule #68: Subs are always better than dubs," Dave preaches from the counter, since he moved from the stool, to the couch, to the counter during the hour. "#67: Buy gold. #68: Con Air is a horrible movie and don't give John the satisfaction of every watching it. #69: Don't laugh when someone says 69. #70:-"

The door of the Temple opens and Dave pauses as he watches Garnet steps out and towards the Warp Pad.

"Hi Garnet!" Steven greets her.

"Howdy," Garnet replies.

"Like a true Texan," Dave says.

"Dave's teaching me the rules of being a coolkid!" Steven adds. Steven pauses and as his eye catches the top of the list, he gasps and looks back to Garnet, "Garnet, you're a coolkid!"

"Obviously," Garnet replies, but she makes a detour to come over and stand by Steven.

"Gotta check with the coolkid rules," Dave says.

"'#1: Own a cool pair of shades'. Garnet's almost always wearing her shades!" Steven says.

Dave leans over Steven's shoulder, "#2: always sit at the back of the school bus."

"I don't go to school," Garnet says.

"Okay," Dave says. "I'll let that one slide."

"#3: Always be ironic," Steven says. "I still don't understand this one."

"Basically, just do something and say that's 'ironic'," Dave explains.

"Sounds easy enough," Steven agrees. "I feel like that will annoy Pearl though for some reason."

"It will," Garnet confirms.

"Well, that's enough to confirm #3 for me," Dave says.

"Why?" Steven asks.

"Irony."

"Okay . . ." Steven stills doesn't get #3. "#4: Know your memes. Do you know any memes Garnet?"

"I know every meme that has been, will be, and could be," Garnet says.

"Nice," Dave replies. "#5: Don't do drugs."

"Of course."

"#6: Be nice to kids."

"Yes."

"#17: Always know where you're going to go before you go."

"Yes."

"#18: Everything You Think It Means Is Probably What It Means It Isn't."

". . ."

"Yeah, that one's just a joke one. #93-"

"We haven't even gotten there yet!" Steven points out.

"-The numbers don't matter," Garnet finishes.

"Damn, I haven't even told Steven that one yet," Dave says. "Then I guess you really are a coolkid."

"I was the original coolkid," Garnet says.

"I thought that was Benjamin Franklin, or as us coolkids know him as, B-Franky."

"He was just a poser."

"Wow."

Fusion Confusion

Steven has managed to gather all the Trolls and the Beta Kids on the beach, which thankfully wasn't that hard. As soon as they got out there Dave and John managed to convince everyone to play 'duck-duck-goose' so now John's chasing Terezi around the large circle they made while Karkat complains loudly about how stupid that game is. It seems like they're having fun.

Steven would love to join in, but he's on the far side of the beach, waiting and watching for Connie to appear. As soon as he sees her off in the distance, he jumps to his feet and runs up to her, "Connie!"

"Hey Steven!" Connie yells back and starts running towards him. It's basically one of those slow-motion scenes but in real time, and they hug each other when they meet. "How have you been?"

"It's been a crazy week!" Steven says. "Meteor! Trolls! Interviews! Dice-Weasel!? Fighting! Hot potato with a weasel! Playing Ghostbuster Online 2! You coming here! Them playing duck-duck-goose!"

"You're really excited!" Connie replies.

"I just can't wait for you to meet everyone!" Steven says and he takes her hand. "C'mon! They're waiting!"

"And playing duck-duck-goose?" Connie guesses. "With a weasel?"

"No, the weasel jumped off into the sunset," Steven says.

"Steven, I've gotten used to all of the cool magical stuff that happens around you, but that is literally the weirdest thing I've ever heard you say."

Steven pulls Connie over to the duck-duck-goose game as Terezi slides into the open spot all-cool like, but it kicks up sand and sprays Karkat.

"I hate this game," Karkat groans.

"Guys!" Steven gets everyone's attention. "This is my friend Connie! Connie, you've already met John and Jade, but the rest are Dave, Rose, Kanaya, Karkat, Terezi, Vriska and Aradia!"

"Howdy," Dave says from his spot. John then tags him and he lunges at John, tackling him to the ground.

"Aw shit," John says as he lifts his head up and spits the sand out of his mouth.

"Please ignore my brother," Rose says. "But it is a pleasure to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Connie replies. "This seems like a pretty intense game of duck-duck-goose."

"It's fucking stupid," Karkat hisses.

"You just don't like it because you haven't been chosen yet," Terezi says.

"Would you guys like to join?" Jade asks.

"Actually, there's someone else you have to meet," Steven says with a wink at Connie. She instantly understands and winks back.

"Who?" John asks as Dave gets off of him and they both stand up.

Steven smiles and holds out his hand. Connie takes his hand and he twirls her, which is enough for them to fuse.

Suddenly, they're Stevonnie, back together. The Trolls and Kids look at them, utterly dumbstruck.

"Hi," Stevonnie decides to introduce themselves. "The name's Stevonnie and I'm a fusion."

"What the fuck just happened," Dave speaks up. "Am I like, trippin' on sopor slime?"

"No you are definitely seeing this," Kanaya answers. "We got rid of all the sopor slime after Gamzee."

"HOW IS A GEM ABLE TO FUSE WITH AN ORGANIC!?" Karkat yells. "H-HOW!? THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY! MY THINKPAN MUST BE FRIED!"

"I don't think it's that crazy," Stevonnie says. "Steven and Connie have fused into me plenty of times before."

"Stevonnie," Rose starts. "What exactly just happened? Since most of us don't understand."

"Yeah," John agrees. "But hey! You get to explain something to us instead of us telling you . . . two?"

"Well, I'm a fusion," Stevonnie starts to explain. "It's basically when two Gems turn into a big one that's the . . . sum of their parts. Like how Garnet's a fusion of Ruby and Sapphire, or how I'm a fusion of Steven and Connie!"

"So are you one person, or two?" Jade asks.

"Neither," Stevonnie announces. "I'm an experience."

Jade looks like she doesn't completely understand, but she accepts it anyway.

"How is Steven able to fuse with Connie, an organic?" Terezi asks. For some reason, she seems more official when asking the question, like a lawyer.

"I dunno," Stevonnie answers, a little bit nervous under Terezi's blind gaze. "Steven's half organic, maybe that's why."

Terezi nods, like that was an acceptable answer.

"What are your pronouns?" Dave then asks.

"They/them," Stevonnie answers, and they're relieved that someone finally asked.

"Can we fuse?" Jade asks. "Like are we capable of fusing? How does fusion even work?"

"With Steven maybe," Stevonnie explains. "I don't know otherwise, and I'm not really sure?"

"So in summary," John says. "Fusion is like two people in a trench coat?"

"If those two people become one person," Stevonnie clears up.

"Can they still wear the trench coat?"

". . . Sure."

"John," Dave says. "I think it's more like when the five lions come together to form Voltron, and become an awesome robot warrior."

"That's closer," Stevonnie says.

"We should form Voltron," Dave concludes.

"How? We don't have five ginormous robotic lions," John points out.

"Listen, we just stand on top of each other," Dave says. "Or float, cuz we're gods and we can fly."

"How would you stack us?" Jade asks.

Off to the side, Stevonnie catches Vriska leaning over to ask Aradia, the closets person to them, "Do you have any idea what's going?"

"Not really," Aradia answers.

"Same," Vriska says. "I heard Steven telling his friend about the weasel and I just hope they don't bring that up, so I'm gonna go along with this Voltron thing."

"Alright so," Dave plans, getting Stevonnie's attention again. "Karkat can be the head, I'll be an arm with Jade, and John will be a leg with . . . Rose I guess because she's the closets color we have to yellow."

"But my color is purple, David," Rose protests.

"Become the fucking robot Rose."

"I'm a Light player too Dave!" Vriska protests.

"Do you really wanna be a leg?" Aradia reminds Vriska, much more quietly.

"Uh, never mind!"

"And why am I a part of this!?" Karkat demands as Dave drags him over to where they're going to form Voltron.

"Because you color is the closets to black," Dave says as he starts to fly and picks up Karkat from beneath his armpit.

"I can fly to Dave!" Karkat yells as he kicks his legs wildly.

"Be careful!" Stevonnie adds.

"I like carryin' you like this," Dave says. "Okay, now John, Rose, come over here, Karkat is gonna stand on your shoulders."

John gets into position, but Rose reminds Dave, "John is a head taller than me."

"Just fuckin' float Rose jegus christ use some problem solvin' skills every once in a while."

Rose sighs and floats up and Dave sets Karkat onto their shoulders. John grabs one of Karkat's legs, and Rose grabs the other. Dave lets go of Karkat, who somehow manages to keep his balance, as Dave flies over to Karkat's left arm and floats upside down.

"Grab my leg," Dave tells Karkat.

"Why!?"

"Just grab me leggy."

Karkat does and Dave is pretty stable in the air, so Karkat isn't floundering as much.

"Now Jade, do the same as me," Dave instructs. Jade floats upside-down as well and Karkat grabs her leg. Dave then draws his sword and shouts, "VOLTRON!"

"I'm getting more of a Power Rangers vibe than a Voltron vibe," John says.

"Shut the fuck up John an' let me have this."

"What was the point of this?" Kanaya asks.

Everyone looks at Dave who just shrugs.

"Okay I'm done," Karkat shouts as he jumps off of John's and Rose's shoulder onto the sand, "I actually want to go back to playing duck-duck-goose."

"Sounds good," Jade agrees as everyone touches back to the ground. She turns to Stevonnie, "Do you wanna play now?"

"Sure!" Stevonnie agrees. They sit down with everyone and over the course of the next two hours, they learn that duck-duck-goose is much more fun than expecting, especially with powers and cheating.

At the end of the night, Stevonnie does have to unfuse so Connie can go home, but they had fun while it lasted.


	13. Camp Pining Hearts

It's been a week since the Meteor arrived but Peridot has been looking forward to this day for months. It's a weekend-long marathon of Camp Pining Hearts and nothing can ruin it for her.

Well, except maybe a troll.

Everyone had invaded his house for reason or another, so Steven decided to relax on the beach and play his ukulele. His peace is disturbed though when he hears the shouting from the house all the way down on the beach. He had been warned about Karkat's lung capacity before and Peridot can reach record-breaking volumes herself. The other Gems are away on a mission so Steven runs inside to try and stop a fight from breaking out and the Crystal Gems seeing it.

"-AND THAT'S WHY PERCY AND PIERRE ARE THE SURPERIOR COUPLE!" Peridot shouts as Steven enters the house.

Even though there's a shouting match going on in his room, everyone seems to be going about their normal business like nothing's wrong. Rose and Kanaya are lounging on the couch reading a book together, John and Terezi are fighting over a pack of fruit snacks; Jade, Vriska, Aradia and Davepeta are playing Citchen Calamity, and Dave is sitting in the loft watching the shouting match unfold.

"PLEASE, PERCY CAN'T COMMIT TO A RELATIONSHIP AND PIERRE NEEDS SOMEONE HE CAN TRUST! PIERRE HAS OBVIOUS ABANDONMENT ISSUES STEMMED FROM THE ABSCENSE OF HIS FATHER! IF PERCY AND PIERRE PURSUED A MATESPRITSHIP-OR EVEN ANY QUADRANT-IT WOULD END IN HEARTBREAK FROM PIERRE!" Karkat shouts. "PIERRE AND PERCY WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF-"

"Stop fighting!" Steven jumps in between Karkat and Peridot. This surprises Karkat and he almost falls backwards off the loft, but Dave catches him by the arm.

"What the ever loving grubfuck do you think you're doing?!" Karkat growls once he's steady on the loft again.

"I'm trying to stop you from fighting!" Steven explains. "Trolls and Gems should get along-not be at each other's throats!"

" . . . What?" Peridot questions. "That has nothing to do with what we're talking about!"

"We're discussing the potential relationships in Camp Pining Heart," Karkat adds.

"Shipping," Dave interjects, "They're talking about shipping."

"This clod doesn't understand the obvious power force that is Percy and Pierre!" Peridot continues, gesturing towards Karkat.

"And this insufferable fuckhead poopstain doesn't see that Percy and Pierre is a train wreck waiting to happen while a red romance between Percy and Peter would provide optimal relationship benefits to all parties involved," Karkat argues.

"And neither of them understand the lengths writers will go to maintain heteronormativity in their show," Dave adds. "Sorry kids! Your gay ships won't become canon!"

" _That's_ what you're fighting about!?" Steven exclaims.

"Debating, not fighting," Karkat corrects.

"Wait! It's back on!" Peridot says. She and Karkat instantly turn back to the TV as the Camp Pining Hearts theme song begins while Dave picks up his phone.

Steven turns to the rest of the house. All of the other occupants had not blinked an eye at the shouting match. Steven yells, "Do none of you find this weird!?"

"Karkat's always shouting about something," Terezi says as she pushes John off his stool and steals his fruit snacks.

"I have become numb to Karkat's lack of volume control after spending three years with him," Rose dismisses.

"Nothing new," Jade finishes with a shrug as she picks up as card. "Yes! The Golden Spatula!"

Steven turns back to Karkat and Peridot, who are now just casually chatting about the show. Wait . . .

They're still arguing.

"I understand that Paulette acts like a dumb bitch most of the time, but you're obviously ignoring the more complex aspects of her character," Karkat says. "She has a lot of potential-did you see her during trivia night! She's smarter than you think."

"Please. She just gets in the way of everything, between distracting Percy and fighting with Penny," Peridot insists.

"First off-that's Percy's fault. He'd pop a wiggly if he saw a girl's _shoulder_ ," Karkat argues. "And her fighting with Penny is just the start of a great kismesissitude, they just haven't realized they're hate-flirting yet!"

" . . . What?" Peridot stops.

"Kismesissitude!" Karkat repeats. "Have you not heard about quadrants?"

"Oh no, who could a non-troll not know about quadrants?" Dave fake-gasps.

"Well, I assumed that Gems made fun of trolls for having four types of romance when they have none," Karkat explains.

"Trolls have four types of romance!?" Steven exclaims.

"That's why they're call quadrants," Dave says.

"Yes. They do," Peridot says matter-of-factly. "I knew this but I never bothered with learning the types. I mean, what species is so insufficient that they need four types of romances to feel validation?"

"Mine!" Karkat growls.

"Quadrants aren't so bad," Dave admits. "Kinda weird, but that's just cuz I'm human."

"So what are quadrants?" Steven asks as he sits down.

"Oh boy Karkat's quadrant lecture. It's been so long since I've heard it," Dave says. "Y'all are in for a real treat."

"Do you have a sheet of paper?" Karkat asks. "And some type of colorful writing utensils too."

"Sure," Steven scavenges for paper and crayons.

"Gee wilkers! There's even going to be a shippin' chart! The full experience!" Dave continues.

"Here ya go," Steven hands Karkat the paper and crayons. Karkat begins to draw two intersecting lines and fills in a red heart, a pink diamond, a grey clover, and a black spade. He then writes a few words on the side and stands up so Steven and Peridot can see.

"This," Karkat points to his chart. "Is the Trolls Quadrant system."

"Looks like the houses in a deck of playing cards," Steven points out.

"Wow. What a fucking epiphany. My grubshit wriggling ass didn't realize that," Karkat says sarcastically.

"Really?" Steven checks.

"No," Karkat scowls. "I've lived with humans who have stubbornly insisted that like batshit grubfucking assholes. I have played the human game of "go fish" and "bullshit" and "rummy" and more with the standard 52-deck of playing cards. I know this. And I don't care. So now sit down with a nice can of shut the fuck up and listen."

"Hm!" Steven hums (since he's not supposed to talk) and mimes zipping his mouth shut.

"Now, the easiest quadrant for humans to understand is the flushed one," Karkat points to the red heart. "Matespritship. As a red romance and concupiscent, matespritship happens when two trolls feel affection between each other. It is much like the singular romance humans feel."

"Then why do you need the other ones?" Steven questions, completely forgetting about that nice can of shut the fuck up. "Because isn't love all you need?"

"No," Karkat says. "Trolls have more complicated emotions and they can't be defined by just one romance. Now, a good example of a matespritship is Rose and Kanaya."

"Or me an' Karkat," Dave adds.

"The next red romance is Moirallegiance, but this one is conciliatory rather than concupiscent," Karkat lectures. "Moirails keep each other grounded and protect each other's hearts."

"Platonic soul bros," Dave explains.

"Like . . . best friends?" Steven asks.

"Yes," Dave answers.

"No, it's more than the human disease of friendship," Karkat says with a slight smile and Dave laughs.

"Friendship isn't a disease," Steven informs.

"Inside joke," Dave explains.

"Moirallegiance is more than just friends . . . it's meant to be!" Karkat tries to explain.

"Platonic soul bros," Dave repeats.

"As for example of moirails, Kanaya and I are in a moirallegiance, and so are Terezi and Vriska and Dave and Aradia. I still have no idea how Dave and Aradia got together in just the past nine days," Karkat says.

"Time players, bro," Dave answers. "It was just meant to be."

"Well anyways," Karkat sighs. "The next quadrant is auspisticism, the ashen quadrants," Karkat points to the gray clover. "Unlike the former two, auspisticism is a blackrom, but it is conciliatory like Moirallegiance."

"Blackrom?" Peridot asks this time.

"Black romance. Based on hate," Dave explains.

"Hate? How can you hate anyone?" Steven questions as Kevin pops into his mind. "I mean you can . . . greatly dislike someone very much, but hate?"

"And if you do, why would you want to be near them?" Peridot adds.

"Just shut up and let me explain!" Karkat shouts and then takes a breath. "So, auspisticism is when as auspistice, or facilitator, acts as a mediator between two others to keep their relationship functional. There's been no need for auspisticising of late, which is strange, but Kanaya was once the village two-wheeled device when it came to auspisticising."

"Thank-you for bringing that back up Karkat!" Kanaya interjects.

"So it's like . . ." Steven struggles to find something to compare it to.

"It's like if a marriage counselor, if the marriage counselor came to you and insisted on fixin' up you and your partner's relationship for free," Dave explains.

"Finally, there's Kismesissitude," Karkat butts in before Steven and Peridot can ask any more questions and points to the spade. "This is the caliginous quadrant, and is a blackrom and is concupiscent. In a kismesissitude, two trolls mutually hate each other, but they have some level of respect for each other."

"It's like a rivalry with kissing," Dave adds.

"But . . . why?" Steven questions.

"It's like human romantic attraction but with hate," Karkat tries. "Look at John and Terezi and their obvious hate-flirting!"

Steven looks over at John and Terezi. John is currently using the windy thing to hold the fruit gushers out of Terezi's reach, but Terezi is trying to poke him with her cane.

"What!?" John exclaims. "No we're-OW!" Terezi uses this distraction to jab John in the stomach and he drops the fruit snacks right into her hands.

"They're potentially a shining example of kismesissitude if John wasn't so dense!" Karkat yells.

"I'm not getting involved in any troll quadrant!" John declares.

"Too late," Terezi mumbles as she finally begins to eat the fruit snacks with John distracted.

"What do you mea-my fruit snacks!?" John exclaims when he finally notices Terezi eating his snacks. He tries to dive-bomb her, but Terezi quickly pours the rest of the gushers into her mouth. Steven turns away as they start to mildly rough-house as if now it's inappropriate for him.

"And that's the basics of quadrants. I won't go into vacilitation to spare your human and or gem brain from any further strain. So now do you understand?" Karkat asks.

"Not really," Steven admits.

"What about you?" Karkat asks Peridot, who doesn't seem to be paying attention. Instead, she has grabbed a piece of paper and begun writing on it. "What the horseshitting heinous buldgefuck are you doing?"

"I am simply recording down the relations in your group to keep them straight and to avoid future mix-ups," Peridot pauses to explain but immediately goes back to work when she's done.

Dave leans over her shoulder and then says, "So basically, a shippin' chart?"

"I suppose," Peridot answers and Dave begins to laugh.

"What's so fucking hilarious Strider?" Karkat demands.

"It's just that," Dave pauses to breathe. "You and Peridot are more alike than y'all think."

"What?! NO WAY!" Karkat and Peridot shout at the same time.

"It's true!" Dave claims. "You both are shouty, like cheesy romances, throw tantrums, are short, and make shippin' charts."

Steven suddenly realizes this as well. It strikes a point when Karkat and Peridot both scowl at Dave in the same way. They've already been . . . kinda getting along, and maybe there's things that can connect the other trolls and Gems. Then maybe they can get along too.


	14. Scavenger Hunt

so no excuses

ive just been a trash boi and not updated

but here we are, like eight months after ive last updated

i wrote like most of this, excluding the beginning and the end, in one day and i honestly dont care anymore im just putting this out into the world bc i need to for my own sanity. i was actually inspired to finally do it bc of a comment on a completely different fic that im nvr going to finish bout finishing that so i decided . . . to try and work on this one.

anyway, lots of shit has happening in my personal life and the show. fuck any resemblance of the timeline, but i am thinking of including the wanted arc somehow. and im my personal life, ive graduated, i have a job, and im going to college in the fall. other than that, i think im getting close to having a extensional crisis but u know. whatever.

so otherwise, i hope u all enjoy this shitty chapter.

* * *

"So why have you gathered all of us?" Pearl questions as she looks around.

Steven and John manages to summons the Gems and the Trolls to the beach, but that was just the easy part. Now they're standing in their distinctive groups a few feet away from each other. The next part will be the hardest, and after today (hopefully) everything will change.

Also on the beach are Dave, Jasprose and Roxy. Roxy and Jasprose are talking by the four transportalizers they installed this morning while Dave stands behind Steven and John, just loitering.

"Me and John decided that you guys need to get along more, so we came up with a game for you guys to play!" Steven declares.

"Trolls verses Gems?" Vriska guesses. "This'll be easy."

"No," John corrects. "It's a partner game: one troll, one gem."

There's mixed results to this revelation. Peridot, Karkat, Lapis, Garnet and Kanaya are emotionless; Pearl and Vriska show visible disgust; and Aradia, Amethyst and Terezi look curious.

"And we've already come up with teams!" Steven adds.

"And the teams are," John begins, checking some writing on his hand. "Karkat and Peridot, Kanaya and Pearl, Terezi and Amethyst, Vriska and Garnet . . . darn it's kinda smudged here, oh wait, and Aradia and Lapis!"

"Now stand with your partners please!" Steven asks.

The Trolls grumble but move anyway, while the Gems need a nod from Garnet and a glance at the hopeful look in Steven's eyes to follow suit. Each pair makes sure to stay a good distance away from each other while still looking like they're close enough for someone to understand that they're partners.

"This. Is. Stupid," Karkat mumbles.

"Agreed," Peridot replies.

"How did you even pick these teams!?" Vriska demands.

"Well for starters, we let Dave do it because he wanted to," Steven answers.

"Sup," Dave speaks up for the first time this morning, glancing up from his phone momentarily to give everyone a small nod.

"Oh, so that's why they're bullshit!" Vriska exclaims.

"Hey I put a lot of thought into this," Dave insists flatly as he puts his phone away, showing that he's serious.

"No you didn't," John says.

"Completely true," Dave agrees. "But I put like a few thoughts into it. At least three, no more than five."

"So, what exactly was your reasoning, oh wise coolkid?" Terezi questions.

"That's a great question," Dave says before pausing.

Steven waits for a moment, but when Dave shows no sign of giving an answer, he prompts, "And?"

"It was a fine question. I appreciated it," Dave explains.

"So? Care to explain?" Steven continues.

"Sure," Dave shrugs but continues without another hitch. "So Karkat and Peridot was already pretty clear because like, they're short, shout a lot, have temper tantrums, and like cheesy romances. And the shipping charts. Don't forget the shipping charts."

Terezi sniggers at that, and Amethyst seems to be trying not to laugh too. Karkat and Peridot both give them the same glare.

"So . . . . . . . . basically, what you're saying is that they suck so you put them together?" Vriska asks.

"No. Fuck you. They're both awesome in their own ways they just have a lot of ground to bond together over," Dave explains with a surprising amount of reason from him. It must've been because she targeted Karkat. Dave moves on back to his coolkid mode, "Next was Kanaya and Pearl, because they are both really gay and fell in love with someone named Rose."

Pearl blushes at Dave's description, but Kanaya just looks like she's been done with Dave since the first five minutes they spent together.

"And then Amethyst and Terezi. You both like to eat slash taste weird stuff and I thought you two would have fun together. Like a good cop/bad cop type dealio."

"Dibs on bad cop," Amethyst instantly claims.

"As long as we uphold justice together, I'm fine," Terezi adds.

"And then for Vriska and Garnet . . . yeah I was havin' trouble. From what Steven told me you both are competitive, and once I explained to him what 'too many irons in the fire' meant (or at least what I think it means, like Vriska, you said that phrase like every other ten minutes when we were on the Meteor and I still have no idea what you were doing, I think you just liked sayin' it? Just sayin') it sounds like Garnet also has irons in the fire? At least too many of them. So yeah. Have fun together."

"I always have too many irons in the fire Dave," Vriska says with a laugh, but then she glares at Garnet, who has said nothing else. She just shrugs.

"And finally . . . Lapis and Aradia. Yeah, sorry, I ran out of ideas. Hope you guys have fun together."

Aradia and Lapis share a look, and then fist-bump, so a mutual agreement has already been found between the two of them.

"Okay, now that we got this stupid partner thing outta the way, can you fucking tell us what the fuck we're doing so I can win this thing?" Vriska complains.

"Sure!" Steven happily exclaims. "You will be doing a scavenger hunt together! Me and the Kids wrote the clues, Roxy, Dirk and Jasprose designed the paths-and each one is unique! Plus, some of the clues are for the gems, and some are for the Trolls so you'll have to work together to decipher them if you wanna make it to the end!"

It's quite as everyone mulls over the rules, until Vriska yells, "TEAMWORK'S STUPID!"

"So are you," Karkat grumbles back.

"C'mon guys!" Steven begins to give an inspirational speech. "The Trolls are now living on Earth, and you're all going to have to get along if this is going to work. I know you've had your past grudges, but you have to let go of those so we can be a team!"

"Plus," Dave continues, "As an animated guinea pig, turtle, and duckling once said, 'what's gonna work? teamwork'."

Steven feels like he and Dave have clinched the deal, but John ends up slamming it shut, "And there's a prize at the end for the winning team!"

Vriska mulls this fact over for a second before she announces, "ME AND GARNET ARE GOING TO RUIN YOU ALL!"

"Think again!" Terezi argues. "My deduction skills are superior to yours, so you'll be kissing our spinal cracks!"

"Yeah, there's no way in hell I'm going to let Vriska win," Aradia adds with a sickly smile.

"It's not like either of you have been able to stop me before," Vriska counters.

Pearl interrupts the three trolls' trash-talking, "Prize or not, I believe that this is a waste of our time, who knows what else could be happening-"

"Nothing," Garnet interrupts.

Pearl shoots Garnet an unhappy glare but continues, "Or we could be productive and things like training and-"

Amethyst nudges Terezi and fake-whispers, loud enough for everyone to hear, "It sounds like to me that P's 'fraid she's gonna lose."

"I AM NO-" Pearl instantly counters, but stops herself and clears her throat. "I am sure that if I did decide to play I would be able to beat the likes of you. I actually like riddles and deciphering them."

"That's 'cause yer a nerd," Amethyst tease. She and Terezi high-five. "But Terezi's basically a detective."

"That I am," Terezi agrees. "And if the Kids made the clues, I know their typing styles. Plus, I lived with Dave and Rose for three years."

"So did all of us," Kanaya counters.

"Since when have you been involved, fussy fangs?" Vriska teases.

Kanaya sighs and announces, "Since now. I never played with you back on Alternia because frankly, the cycle of hate was inconceivably stupid, but now, and I am not being human sarcastic or anything, I am going to kick all of your asses."

Vriska, Pearl, John and Steven are all shocked at the gall Kanaya had to say that; Dave, Terezi, Amethyst, and Lapis are all laughing; Aradia seems up to the challenge; and Garnet and Peridot both look like they're not paying attention. Karkat, however, gives Kanaya a quick pat on the back and says, "Yeah, give them hell because there is no putrid crotchblistering bulgelicker way am I going to participate."

"You always complain about stuff like this though," John argues.

"No, John, you do not understand," Karkat says as he walks up to John and puts his hands on John's shoulder so the taller human can look him in his blood red eyes, "There is a fucking reason I don't play games for girls: I will fucking die. I will die, here and now, during this dickfucking insufferable cluckbeastshit of a game."

"You won't die," Steven argues. "It's just a scavenger hunt."

Karkat motions back to the teams, who are all getting riled up and trash-talking each other. Karkat continue his rant, "Listen, Steven, I know you are an idealist and all that but I am a very rational troll-"

"Coughnournotcough," Dave says in the background. "Coughbutthatswhyiloveucough."

"-and I know the history that has been put before me. Trolls literally have died playing games with Vriska and Terezi and Aradia-LIKE ARADIA ACTUALLY DID DIE PLAYING THESE WHIMSICAL BULLSHIT GIRL GAMES-and I, too, will die," Karkat insists.

"Uh, guys!" Steven announces. It looks like a scuffle was about to start between Vriska and Kanaya anyways while he was distracted by Karkat, "I'm just going to add an additional rule which is, uh, don't try to kill anyone? I trust you all not to do that anyway, but Karkat's kinda afraid of that happening."

"That's a completely rational thought," Aradia agrees.

"But paralyzation is on the table, right?" Vriska checks and Terezi smacks the back of her head. "I was joking!"

"You weren't the first time!" Terezi argues.

"Alright enough!" Garnet interrupts everyone. "Can we play this game yet? I wanna win."

Amethyst begins laughing while Pearl is left gasping at Garnet's comment.

"Everyone back in your spots!" Steven calls out, and everyone lines up again-including Karkat, who sulks back to his spot-but this time they're standing closer, forgetting the animosity between their species to be joined together by their competitiveness.

Steven finishes explaining the rules, "When I say go, head to the warp with your names on it to go to your first clue! From then on, you'll be collecting clues, trying to decipher them, and then going to that place! There should be a warp that'll take you to the Galaxy Warp where Roxy has adjusted the warp pads to take you to other clue locations! They're all labeled too-and yes, none are connected to Homeworld-until you reach the finish! First one to the finish wins and gets the prize! Everyone understand?"

There's positive murmurs, a straight out 'I hate this' from Karkat, and a 'OH YES!' from Vriska. Steven just takes that as everyone is ready.

"Okay," Steven begins the countdown. "On your marks, get ready, get steady, GO!"

The pairings launch from their position and jump onto their warp pads, leaving in a flash. Well, except for Karkat and Peridot.

"Uh . . . shouldn't we go?" Peridot asks Karkat.

"I'm letting them get a head start," Karkat grumbles, eyeing the warp pads warily like someone is going to appear out of nowhere just to punch him in the face.

" . . . Because we're pitying them as we're obviously the superior team?" Peridot tries to comprehend.

"No," Karkat says. "Because otherwise we'd fucking die . . . okay now let's go."

Karkat and Peridot begin to walk towards their warp pad, and as they past Steven tries to give them support, "It's very unlikely that you'll run into anyone else! And I think you two will do great!"

"I love ya babe," Dave adds. Karkat gives Dave the middle finger and he and Peridot step onto the warp pad and disappear in a burst of light.

"Well," Roxy finally speaks up now that everyone was gone. "That was hilarious but I'd like to point out and flaw with the obvious motivator in this whole shindig."

"Why didn't you bring that up before?" John counters.

"Because I don't remember there bein' talks of a prize during the initial planning,"  
Roxy points out.

"Oh," John pauses. "Shit. I made that up to get Vriska to play."

"Good idea, nothin' motivates Vriska more than treasure or flaunting how she's better than everyone," Dave comments.

"So then . . . what do we do?" Steven questions.

"Nothing?" John suggests. "Unless you've got some prizes lying around."

"I've got some stuff I won at Funland," Steven says.

"Don't worry hombres," Dave steps up to the plate. "I've got an idea. Your whole prize shit is completely covered."

"Oh, thanks Dave!" Steven says. "Now let's go and check in on Dirk to see how it's going."

* * *

Another key component of the scavenger hunt-for its creators at least-was the ability to watch it. Dirk set up cameras everywhere (an ability that slightly freaked Dave out and Dirk had to fix by proving to Dave that he had no hidden cameras in the house but, from what Steven glanced off of the conversation they had, Dave was right to be upset by this) and created a monitor room in the Golden Battleship.

However, Dirk was experiencing some technical difficulties.

In fact, those are the words that showed up on every screen while a jaunty polka tune played.

Dirk had no idea what happened, because he had turned around for one second to "take a piss off the side of the ship into the ocean" (that almost became a conversation about Dirk's old life on his flooded Earth, which was gladly avoided) and when he came back everything was like this. He spent forty minutes tinkering around, and now he's resorted to the ultimate tech recovery method: just smacking the screens until they turn on.

"Uh . . . will this actually work?" Steven asks as he sits between Roxy and John in a couple of the beach chairs Jane and Jake dragged up after the arrival of the Meteor.

"It's an ancient tech secret Steven," Roxy fake-whispers.

"Oh. okay."

"It working yet?" Rose asks as she returns with Jade. "Jane's almost done with the popcorn."

"Didn't you say that last time?" John questions.

Rose's eyes narrow and Jade answers for her, "Jasprose ruined the first batch and Rose banished her to taking care of Gcatavorsprite."

"Yeah guess who's back!" Jasprose yells as she bursts in the room. Rose's frown deepens as Jasprose continues speaking, "I gave Gcatavros another placebo pill and he stopped sneezing. Man, you all are stupid if you haven't tricked him like that yet. Well, no more stupid than Gcatavros."

"I hate this," Rose sighs as she sits down, head in her hands.

"Why don't you go find Davepeta to watch with us?" Jade suggests to Jasprose, seeing Rose slowly crumble.

Jasprose pauses, "It sounds like you all want to get rid of m-no I'm just kidding, of course I'll go and get my favorite sibling. See you soon!"

Once Japsrose is out of the room, Rose sighs, "Thank fucking gog."

Steven's interrupting from replying about swearing and how he likes Jasprose when Dirk smacks the back of one of the screens very loudly, the sharp pang of flesh colliding with plastic shocking everyone, but it stops the jaunty polka music because all of the screens have turned back on.

The screens are positions so that the biggest, and the main one, is in the middle. Dirk has a remote that can pull up any of the locations on it, because the cameras are already programmed to move dynamically and follow the players. Around the big screen are tinier screens, all playing live-action feed of each location. On these screens, Steven can already see his friends moving through the lands and ruins towards the clues.

"I'm a tech god," Dirk declares as he sits down and grabs a remote. "Alright, who should we watch first?"

"I wanna see how Pearl is getting along with Kanaya," Steven says. He's honestly been worried about Pearl the most, because she's the one who has been the wariest towards trolls.

"Flipping to the Lesbian channel," Dirk announces.

On the middle screen, Kanaya and Pearl are fighting a gem monster in the strawberry battlefields. Well, finishing a fight. Kanaya slices through the gem's form with her chainsaw, causing it burst. Pearl catches the gem and bubbles it, landing right next to Kanaya.

"I must admit," Pearl says. "You somehow make wielding a weapon as noisy and messy as that graceful."

"Thank-you, I appreciate your style as well," Kanaya returns.

"Aw, they're bonding!" Steven gushes.

"Hopefully that gem monster didn't slow us down too much, the next clue should be on the floating island up ahead," Pearl says, and they run off-screen as the camera angle changes to an overhead shot of them running across the strawberry-and-weapon-covered landscape before starting to hop across floating islands.

Roxy pulls up her spreadsheet of the paths, "Wow, those two are already on the third clue."

"I just realized something," John says as soon as Roxy's done. "We never told them how clues each of them have, did we?"

"I told you guys that we should've cut down on them," Jade mumbles from behind John.

"They'll just have to live with the 50 clues we all gave them," John says with a shrug. "So let's go to Vriska. I wanna see if she's being cooperative."

Dirk wordlessly changes the channel, and Vriska and Garnet seem to be on some type of blue world, filled with glowing mushrooms and yellow salamanders. They're wandering around as Vriska complains, "John wants us to find a single, fucking mailbox in all of LOWAS!? Allllllll of the mailboxes are fucking connected, it could be in any of them!"

Garnet suddenly stops at one of the metal pipes, opens it up, and pulls out a plastic tube that has a small piece of paper in it, "Found it."

"How'd she know?" John groans. "I wanted them to be stuck there for hours!"

"I forgot about Garnet's future vision," Steven admits.

"The popcorn's done!" Jane announces, coming into the room with Jake and Calliope-all of them carrying two large bowls of popcorn apiece-while Roxy refers back to the spreadsheet. They pass out the bowls and join everyone else, watching Vriska and Garnet maneuver around salamanders to get back to the warp.

"They're far ahead too-four in," Roxy comments.

"Yep, future vision," Steven sighs.

"Have you checked in on Karkat yet?" Jade questions.

"Nah, just got it working a few minutes ago," Dirk admits, but he changes the channel anyways.

"-I think we have to go to the meteor?" Karkat says, scratching his head while he and Peridot mull around outside the barn. "That's the only place that makes sense to me."

"Then let's do it," Peridot agrees, and the two leave.

"Hey," Jane leans forward between Roxy and Steven to not only pass up some popcorn, but ask, "Where's Dave?"

"Johnny told them that there'd be a prize, so he's getting it," Roxy explains. "By the way, Karkat and Peridot are only heading to their second clue, so they seem to be on schedule."

"Plus, they gave everyone else a head start," John adds.

"Why?" Jade questions.

"Because he's afraid that the others will kill him," John says with a roll of his eyes.

"Oh."

"And what about my adventuring chum, Aradia?" Jake asks Dirk.

Dirk flips the channel, and Lapis and Aradia are side-by-side as they fly over the ocean towards Empire City. Aradia looks really excited about the whole thing, probably glad to go back her roots as an explorer and she hasn't had a chance to explore Earth yet. Steven's glad to see that Lapis seems contempt as well, even though neither one is talking.

"And they're on their fourth clue as well," Roxy notes. "Man, this game might be over before we know it."

"They have forty-six more clues to go through," Rose points out.

"I know, but . . ."

"And finally, let's check in on fan-favorites: Terezi and Amethyst," Dirk says like a TV show host when he changes the channel. Terezi and Amethyst are in a lava world, but is also looks like a stock market. It has a golden exterior and inside are a bunch of dials showing numbers that are rapidly falling. Plus, it's filled with crocodiles.

"Ah, the LOHAC Stock Exchange, this brings back memories," Terezi sighs.

"Hey, I thought you were against breaking the law," Amethyst says as she shifts into a crowbar and tries to pry a safe open. "And isn't cracking open a safe with the bois breaking the law?"

"When it's in the name of the pursuit of justice! Nonsense!" Terezi declares. "Dave knows I dislike breaking the law, so he would have hidden it this safe. But, he also should have expected the extremes I go to uphold justice."

"And what type a justice are we upholding here?" Amethyst continues to question.

"Stopping Vriska from winning, obviously!" Terezi exclaims with one of her signature cackles.

"That's not how the law works," John grumbles, but everyone knows that he's just being contradictory because it's Terezi. Even if that is not how the law actually works.

Terezi continues, "Besides, me and Dave ruined the LOHAC economy years ago. It will never recover."

Amethyst finally pries the safe door open and throws it open. Inside, on a pile of colorful ingots, is a note written in red ink. Amethyst hands that Terezi, but also picks up an ingot and asks, "You were saying?"

"Boonbucks are useless on Earth," Terezi counters as she begins to lick the paper.

Amethyst shrugs, "Still gonna loot it."

As Amethyst loots and Terezi licks, Roxy comments, "Man, they're five clues in. This is wild."

"Let's just wait and see how it plays out," Dirk says, and he changes the channel again.

* * *

Pearl had seen plenty of large human dwellings in her time on Earth, ranging from the pyramids of Giza, temples the Greeks built, General Washington's estate Mount Vernon, and the construction of the Empire State Building. But, Rose Lalonde's house took the cake.

"During the game, you had to build up your hive to reach the portals to the next land," Kanaya explains as they enter the front door, only to be greeted by a large statue of a wizard. Kanaya ignores that and moves on, "But the rest of the structure is empty-just walls and floors and ceilings-as the real part of the hive is here."

"I'm surprised that John's note lead us to your girlfriend's home," Pearl admits. Pearl is surprised that she's talking this much with a troll, but Kanaya has seemed to be nothing but amiable towards her, talking about her past in regards of the clues regardless of how Pearl is being closed off, possibly because she's had no one else to talk to it about than the same eight people she spent three years with.

"Well, my first conversation with Rose was actually with John pretending to be Rose as a 'prank'," Kanaya says. "So, the clue should lead us to Rose's room, where I shall have to bite the human proverbial bullet, or however the saying goes."

Another thing Pearl had been surprised with is how glad she feels to no longer be the alien with the least Earth experience, which is a feeling that sometimes Peridot also provides. Sure, some of the modern culture tidbits and slang may trip her up, but she's been here for thousands of years and understands the history of Earth and what makes it unique just fine. The trolls only have whatever knowledge of Earth that filtered through the unreliable narrators the Kids are. That is something she can appreciate about the Trolls.

"What are you expecting?" Pearl questions as she follows Kanaya up a set of stairs to a slightly ajar door.

Kanaya doesn't answer, but opens the door as she steps forward, a bucket falling from above and drenching Kanaya in water. The handle of the metal bucket gets caught in one of her horns, adding another layer to the ridiculousness of the situation.

"That," Kanaya spits out. She pulls out her lipstick and is about to reapply it when she continues, "One of John's pranks."

* * *

"Okay, so, I get that you're really cool and not the best conversationalist but you have been finding allllllll of the fucking clues!" Vriska exclaims as she and Garnet walk around a place the Gem called 'Rose's Fountain', though Vriska doesn't understand why so many fucking things are named after Lalonde of all people. Vriska continues to complain, "Mind, like, letting me have some of the glory?"

Garnet pauses, causing Vriska to run into one of her thick legs. Garnet turns around as Vriska collects herself, and asks, "Do you want to win?"

"What?" Vriska asks as she rubs her head. "And why are your thighs so stronger?"

"Do you want to win?" Garnet repeats.

"Uh . . . yeah?" Vriska replies.

"Then let me find the clues," Garnet replies. "I'm faster than you, and the faster we find the clues, the faster we win."

Vriska takes in Garnet's words for a minute but then just groans, "Uhg! Fine! Hog all the glory see if I care!"

Garnet suddenly pushes her hand down into the waters of the fountain and pulls out a tube covered in vine, "Found it."

"ARGH!"

* * *

"ARGH! I FUCKING HATE THIS!" Karkat yells at nothing.

Peridot sighs and leans down to sifts to the rubble of the Communication Hub, she finally agrees, "This game has not been as much 'fun' as Steven described."

"That's because it's a pretentious bitchshitting foolish girls' game where dickprince chumps like us get culled!" Karkat yells again and kicks one of the rocks.

"I doubt yelling will get us anywhere," Peridot says as she stands up. "But why do you keep on calling this 'scavenger hunt' a 'girl's game'?"

"Back on Alternia, only girls played dangerous imbecillic dickfucking groinfuck games like this," Karkat sighs. "Because, y'know, girl trolls are always the more dangerous ones. That's why we have HIC as our leader and not some weakling male. And also, why I don't want to play this game."

Peridot is not the best with emotions and such, but she can tell that Karkat is deeply upset by being forced to participate, "I don't think either one of us is having 'fun' anyway."

"True that," Karkat sighs and sits down.

"We had more fun just watching Camp Pining Hearts," Peridot continues. "Isn't that what spurned Steven to force us to play this game, anyway?"

"Right," Karkat sighs again. He rests his head in his hands, but suddenly he sits up straight again, "Wait . . . I have an idea . . . ."

* * *

Aradia hasn't had this much fun in a while. Like, true fun. She imagines that the last time was her second-to-last FLARP game with Tavros, but she doesn't spend too much time thinking about that.

She does have to admit, that much of her excitement for this adventure is owed to her new adventure buddy, Lapis. Aradia always appreciated Tavros' ability to bend the environment through his control of the Alternian fauna, and now that she's hanging out with Lapis she has realized something: always bring someone who can bend the laws of nature on your expedition.

Lapis has implemented her hydrokinesis many times in the adventure so far, and it has made it so much better. At one point, she parted the sea just so Aradia could see some creatures Earth offers. They rode down a waterfall on a still platform Lapis made. And now, she just elevated them up from sea level to an ancient temple.

"I don't think this is a Gem ruin," Lapis says as they explore the crumbling ruins while the sun rises.

"It's a human one," Aradia says, reading a history book Dave left for her at one of their clue spots. "Neither one of us have been on Earth for that long, and I don't have as much of a history with the Kids as the others. So, I guess they're supplementing ones."

"That's cool," Lapis says, admiring the shambles of the architecture.

"This is the Temple of Poseidon," Aradia explains. "A human god of the seas. Look like we were spot on."

"Humans had gods just for water?" Lapis laughs. "That's funny."

"Cuz we're basically gods," Aradia says with a small laugh.

"I thought you were just a god," Lapis points out.

Aradia pauses, "You are basically a god too. You're immortal as long as your gem is intact, and you have complete control over water. If you were here thousands of years ago when humans primitively worshiped natural phenomenon, you'd definitely be praised as one."

Lapis' face skews, "That's weird."

Aradia laughs, "I know! Anyway, let's find the clue. I wanna see more of Earth."

Aradia runs off up the steps of the Temple of Poseidon, and Lapis follows with a fond laugh, "Me too."

* * *

"You're gonna teach me how to taste colors eventually, right?" Amethyst asks as she watches Terezi lick the walls of the Beta Kindergarten. "Because I wanna taste colors."

Terezi pauses and turns around, "Maybe . . . do you think you're ready?"

"I'm pretty sure I've always been ready" Amethyst insists.

Terezi walks up to Amethyst and gets really close. Amethyst doesn't even flinch as she hisses, "Are you really ready?"

"Uh . . . yeah," Amethyst replies.

Terezi pauses again and admits, "I actually don't know if you can. I think you have to blind."

"Well, I can fix that," Amethyst says as she shape-shifts so that her eyes are gone. "How 'bout this? How'd I look?"

" . . . I can't see."

"Oh right."

* * *

Kanaya knows that Pearl doesn't actually like Trolls, but she appreciates that Pearl is acting like she does.

"How many clues have we gone through?" Kanaya asks as the stand high above the ground on the Sky Arena.

"41," Pearl says. "I didn't think that this game would be so long."

"And I never thought I'd be standing on a Sky Arena and not be fighting a Gem," Kanaya realizes her mistake instantly and quickly tries to apologize, "I'm sorry, human sarcasm is infectious and I apologize if I-"

"I understand," Pearl cuts Kanaya off, and doesn't say anything else.

It's silent as Pearl tries to decipher the note Steven left her, so Kanaya decides to, for once, take a note from Dave and fill the empty space with awkward rambling to try to get Pearl to listen.

"I know you probably don't think it, but I am truly glad that we aren't fighting. I know Karkat said we were all done fighting, but we never really wanted to fight in the first place. We didn't want to spend our whole lives in servitude to HIC wondering if this was the greatest thing we'd be able to achieve. I never want to fight. And I'm gracious that you've all taken us in, but you need to understand that, that we never wanted what HIC planned. I know I'm rambling but it is true-"

"I understand," Pearl cuts her off. "But is going to take a bit more than all of your words to get me off my guard. But, shall we had to the next clue?"

* * *

Garnet's glad she was paired with Vriska, mainly because if there was a threat the trolls to be posed to the Gems and humanity, Vriska would be the one to issue it. She was brash, full-of-herself, miserly, cruel, powerful, and worst of all, she could put her money where her mouth is. Which is why Garnet has taken this chance to show Vriska who the boss is.

Or at least scare the hell out of her.

Which is what she was doing.

Vriska was left at the sideline, mouth open as Garnet punched a very large gem monster and brought it down with just one punch.

Garnet catches the gemstone out of thin air and bubbles it before she lands. Vriska is still staring at Garnet, so Garnet walks over and rustles the hair between Vriska's horns, saying, "And that's why I'm the boss."

Garnet continues to walk, knowing that Vriska would soon follow along and make a fuss, but between the two of them . . .

Garnet has much more irons in the fire, and does a much better job handling them as well.

* * *

"This is much better," Karkat sighs as he leans back into Steven's bed. They'd finally made it back to Steven's house and Peridot just turned on Camp Pining Hearts.

"I agree," Peridot says with a smile. "This is a much better use of our time."

"Oh, fuck yeah it is."

* * *

Lapis doesn't care about the scavenger hunt at all.

Not one shit, as Karkat would probably say.

Aradia is more invested in the hunt, because of some type of rivalry with Vriska, but as they got deeper into the clues that lead them to new places across the globe, she seemed more interested in sight-seeing than clue-finding.

Lapis found a quick mutual agreement with Aradia, but somehow it did spurn into friendship. Lapis had always meant to explore the Earth some more now that she's trapped here, and Aradia turned made something akin to an exile into an adventure, and Lapis appreciates that.

"We're going to do this more even after the game, right?" Lapis questions as they look at some big heads humans made.

"Explore?" Aradia questions.

"Yeah."

"Uh, hell yes! This is the most fun I've had in a long time!" Aradia exclaims as she flashes a slightly creepy smile, but this one seems more genuine than the other times she's flashed it.

"Me too," Lapis agrees. She knows that she probably doesn't look like it, but she is very excited for any adventures the future may hold.

* * *

If they were actually doing any law-upholding, Amethyst would make a good bad cop. She's more wild and reckless than Terezi ever could be which does force Terezi into more of a just position as a troll cop.

"I cannot believe that you got that note by punting a salamander at it," Terezi gasps. John had stuck his note up at an impossible height on his hive, and Amethyst came up with a unique solution.

"That's how we do," Amethyst replies as she jumps up to grab the note out of thin air.

"I absolutely hate the idea of my sight returning to me so I could be able to see again, but I wish regained my sight for five second so I could watch you fucking obliterate that Salamander."

"I wish you saw how epic that was too."

* * *

Once everyone (excluding Karkat and Peridot, who had mysteriously disappeared in the first half of the game) had gotten to their final three clues, the spectators packed up shop on the battleship and headed to the finish line in the middle of the desert.

When they get there, they all find Dave talking to Lion.

"Have you been here?" Jane questions. "The whole time?"

"Talking to Lion?" Dave finishes. "Yeah."

"In the middle of the desert?" Jane continues to question.

"Reminds me of Texas."

Jane doesn't get a chance to continue to question Dave's logic when Steven spots some specks kicking up sand in the distance, "Guys! I think I see everyone!"

"Does anyone have any binoculars?" Jade questions.

No one answers.

"And Dave, where's the prize?" Roxy continues on, ignoring how bad their prepping is.

"Just wait and see," Dave replies.

"You aren't giving away Lion, are you?" Steven questions.

"Nah, this is your cat," Dave says. "I'm giving away the greatest gift of all."

"Money?" John questions.

"No."

"Political power?" Jane asks.

"No."

"A VIP party at Chuck E. Cheeses?" Dirk suggests.

"No."

"Well drawn erotica?" Rose says.

"Rose NO."

"Wha-" Steven begins to ask, but Jane puts her hand over Steven's mouth.

"You don't want to know," Jane insists.

"Y'know, I can see everyone now!" Jake announces. "I think they're having a scuffle! Trading fisticuffs and all that!"

"They're fighting?" Steven asks, worriedly. He squints into the distance to watch the fighting . . . but it's between the final four teams, not between species. "Whew, I was worried that this was a serious fight."

"I guess Karkat was right about the possibility of him dying," John realizes.

"And they're all in a dead heat!" Jake exclaims.

The spectators watch as weapons clashes and punches are thrown, but it seems like over the long, long course of the participants reaching the finish line, most of that animosity is being aimed towards Vriska.

Eventually, Garnet, just picks up Vriska (against her extremely loud protests, that can be heard of the general rough-housing) and tosses her through the finish line. Steven and the Kids have to scatter as Vriska lands face first into the sand and Garnet jumps across the finish line second. Vriska yells something into the sand but it gets muffled on account of the fact that her mouth is filled with sand, but Garnet simply states, "I win."

"Congratulations!" Steven recovers from the shocking finish to give praise where praise is due.

The others finally cross the finish line with much complaint.

"I feel like being thrown across the finish line is cheating," Lapis points out.

"I agree," Terezi chimes in. "And cheaters must be punished!"

"You're all just salty that you didn't think of it first," Garnet comments, which shuts everyone else up.

"I'm fine with the throwing thing," Steven says. "But you and Vriska won!"

"Boo!" Terezi says. Aradia joins in with the addendum, "This is towards Vriska, not you Garnet."

"Now, now, they won fair and square," Steven jokes, and everyone groans, which also gives everyone something else to complain about.

Vriska pulls herself out of the sand, and as she dusts herself off she spits out the sand and claims, "Hahahahahahahaha! That's right fuckers I won! Now where's my fucking prize!"

Everyone turns to Dave.

"The prize?" Dave questions.

"Yes!" Vriska replies.

"The true prize," Dave slowly reveals. "Is the friends you made along the way."

The Gems and Trolls look between each other, confused and a bit outraged, but no one is more upset by this than Vriska.

"FRIENDSHIP!" Vriska screams, sand still falling out of her mouth. "THE PRIZE IS FUCKING FRIENDSHIP!"

"There's no great prize than that," Dave insists.

"YES THERE IS, LIKE GOLD OR ANCIENT ARTIFACTS, STUFF THAT'S ACTUALLY VALUABLE!" Vriska yells at Dave. Terezi starts to take a step towards her to calm her down, but Vriska takes a deep breath and visibly looks chill. She takes another deep breath and turns towards Dave, "You know what Dave?"

"What?" Dave nonchalantly responds.

"I am going to fuCKING KILL YOU! AHHHHHHHH!" Vriska shouts and starts to run after Dave. Dave jumps up in fright and starts to run, because apparently this is a very real threat. Vriska starts to chase Dave around the desert, screaming the whole time. Dave seems to be screaming as well, but it's monotone compared to Vriska's screeches.

"Uh . . . should we do something?" Pearl asks Kanaya.

"This has happened before, do not worry," Kanaya insists. "Like the time Dave made Vriska go bankrupt in Monopoly."

"Or when we played Risk and he took over Australia," Terezi adds.

"And when we played Candyland and the first card Dave drew was Queen Frostine and he was near the end while she had to go backwards," Kanaya continues.

"Yeah," Terezi sighs. "We really should've learned from those FLARP sessions and never play any games with Vriska."

* * *

Steven return home, after a long day of watching other people scavenge, to find Karkat and Peridot up in his loft. They don't even look over as Steven enters, their gazes glued to the television as Camp Pining Hearts plays.

"Have you two really been here the whole time?!" Steven exclaims.

Karkat glances over, but then turns back to the TV, "Yeah. Pretty much."

* * *

ill be honest im kinda excited to finish up the next chapter bc ive had a lot of incoherent tidbits that i need to put together but idfk when that will be out

next time: LEHS PLAH SOMM (base) BAWL.


	15. Do the Thing, Get the Points

"This is the dumbest fucking thing anyone of us could have ever imagined," Karkat sighs.

"Why?" Steven questions. "It's just baseball."

"I've been warned about human physical sports," Karkat explains, leaning on the metal baseball bat. "Dave said that they don't end well."

"I think that's just in school," Connie argues. "In school, you're doing everything for a grade and there's also a bunch of sweaty over-competitive boys that take it way too seriously. Playing baseball with you guys out here sounds fun!"

"Yeah well, I'm not taking any chances," Karkat continues. "But, I guess there's no other way. We're all already out here in the middle of summer, color-coordinated like a bunch of globefondling disgusting douchesacks, about to play a stupid human sport in a tournament-style manner all in the name of improving inter-species relationships."

Steven and Connie share and look before Steven asks, ". . . And what's wrong with that?"

Karkat sighs, "If you recall, the last time we had one of these fuckwhiffing shitlicking competitions Vriska tried killing Dave. She can get competitive. Really competitive. You ever wonder how Terezi became blind? Or how Aradia originally died?"

"Yeah," Steven answers. "Did . . . Vriska do that?"

"Yeah, all because of a stupid cycle of revenge she started when she paralyzed Tavros," Karkat explains. He notices the worried looks on Steven and Connie's faces, "I mean, she's gotten better, more mature, less revenge-y. Besides, Terezi and Aradia also enacted revenge on her. But you don't have to worry about Vriska trying to kill, blind, or paralyze you."

"That's good," Connie says half-heartedly. "I guess . . ."

"Trust me," Karkat continues. "Vriska now has Terezi to keep her grounded, and technically being blind is the best thing to ever happen to Terezi. She loves it. But, really don't worry. Let's 'have fun'," Karkat is a bit upset that he made Connie and Steven scared, Steven notices now even if only faintly. He's changed his tune about the baseball game for them.

"Yeah!" Steven agrees. "Let's have fun!"

"HEY EVERYONE!" John shouts from the pitcher's mound. "ALL PLAYERS GATHER 'ROUND! WE GOTTA GET STARTED ON THIS GAME OR ELSE WE'LL BE PLAYING IN THE DARK!"

"We better go," Steven says. He organized this with John again, so he has to join him. The three of them walk over and join the crowd of players, who are all color-coordinated again.

Steven climbs the pitcher's mound and stands next to John, and looks at all the teams.

The Crystal Gems, which now includes Peridot, Garnet and Connie on their team, are dressed in some of the old clothes they found in the barn the last time, which has the central theme of blue about it.

The Kids (minus Jake) (who have called their team THE GODLY GOPHERS for some reason) are all wearing red baseball shirts that have their names on the back and a poorly-drawn gopher on the front. Steven assumes that the gopher was Dave's idea, since it looks like his style. Underneath the gopher it says "DO THE THING, GET THE POINTS" and for some reason the gopher is carrying a basketball.

The Trolls (which include Davepeta and ARquius) also have their own shirts, made by Kanaya. They're black with grey edges, and on the front there is a colorful zodiac on the wheel. On the back of their shirts, instead of numbers, they have their sign and it's colored.

The final team, the Felt, made of Crowbar, Itchy, Clover, Cans, Quarters, and Trace and led by Jake, are all wearing their green suits. Why pay for shirts when you're already color-coordinated? Even Jake has his own fine fitted suit.

"Alright," John begins. "Everyone knows why we're here today, TO PLAH SOMM BAWL!"

"Since I'm sure everyone loved the scavenger hunt, -" ("that's subjective," Vriska grumbles) "-I figured that we could continue on with some inter-species bonding!" Steven continues. "So, we're going to have a tournament, as you all know."

"There's one thing we need to establish before we pick straws," John continues. "Does everyone here know how to play baseball?"

"No," Karkat simply says.

"You're killing me Smalls!" John states rather dramatically.

"What?" Karkat questions as Jane laughs.

"So Karkat," John continues on without pausing because obviously that was a normal thing to says. "Do you know anything about baseball?"

Karkat looks very conflicted for a moment before he finally spits out, "No. But that's just because Dave and Rose know nothing about human sports so don't get any smart ideas."

Dave interjects, "Hey I know stuff about sports."

"Yesterday you threw a soccer ball at a basketball hoop and shouted "home run" even though you didn't make it," Jane points out.

"I failed gym," Dave admits.

"There, there Dave," Jane comforts Dave while patting him on the shoulder. "I'm sure we all did."

"Did you?" John questions.

"With these muscles? Hoohoohoohoo," Jane laughs. "No."

"Well, baseball's simple," Steven says as he launches into a quick explanation about baseball, fairly similar to the one he gave to the Rubies a year ago. It's just enough for everyone to understand the game, but not deep enough that it takes the fun out of it. "So, everyone understand?"

There's a positive sounding murmur from the crowd, which Steven takes as a yes.

"So, the teams are the Godly Gophers," John continues. "With me as friend-captain. Steven's the captain of the Crystal Gems, Karkat is the captain of the Trolls, and Jake is the captain of the Felt. Any questions?"

"Uh yeah," Amethyst asks. "Why are Davepeta and ARquius on the Trolls team?"

"Because we are part Troll," ARquius points out. "And to even the teams."

"Because all the other trolls we knew are dead," Karkat adds.

"Oh," Amethyst says, because that's really all there is to say.

"And why are you guys called the Godly Gophers?" Vriska asks.

"Because we made the mistake of letting Dave draw our logo," Rose sighs.

"I'm the one with the t-shirt connections," Dave argues. "I was able to get all these puppies made at custom ink dot com with free shipping."

"What are you, an advertiser for the company?" Dirk questions.

"These shirts didn't come cheap Dirk."

"Anyways, the team captains will pick straws," John says before any more questions can be asked. "Teams will play against the team that has the straw of the same size, and the team that picks the straw with the dot on it will go first. Simple enough."

Dad Egbert walks over, dressed as the umpire, covering up four straws in his hand so that they all look equal. He stops by Karkat, John, Jake and Steven to all allow them a chance to pick one of the straws. John and Steven compare their straws first, but they don't match up. John turns to Jake, who has a dot on his straw, and they match up.

"THE FELT VERSES THE GODLY GOPHERS FIRST!" John announces. "AND THEN THE CRYSTAL GEMS VERSES THE TROLLS! LET'S PLAY SOME BALL!"

The Crystal Gems and the Trolls join everyone up on the bleachers with the rest of the Felt, Calliope, the Mayor, the Mail Lady, Jack, Ms. Paint and Jasprose.

The Felt are batting first, and it doesn't go too horribly. The Leprechaun players caught on surprisingly quick. Itchy was up to bat first with Jane pitching. Even though the ball only landed in centerfield, Itchy still made it back to home.

"Can we even use powers?" John asks Dad Egbert. Dad Egbert shrugs. John turns to his team and relays that as, "Well, basically anything's legal now, I guess."

Crowbar is up to bat next, and with a devious grin on her face, Jane warns Crowbar, "Hurry up batter. This better be a short game, I gotta get home for lunch."

Jane throws it and Crowbar misses, as he's never held a baseball bat in his life. In fact, he's holding the bat like he holds his signature crowbar. Dad Egbert holds up one finger, and as Jane gets ready to throw again she continues, "You know, if my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave his butt and tell him to walk backwards!"

Jane throws the ball and Crowbar misses again.

"What's Jane doing?" Steven questions. "She's being very mean."

"She's quoting a movie," Jasprose answers.

"I think that's just trash talk," Connie counters. "That happens in actual sports a lot."

"No it's movie quotes."

Dad Egbert holds up two fingers, and Jane adds another insult, "Is that Clover, over there in left field, naked? He's naked?"

"Shadup!" Crowbar yells as he misses.

Dad Egbert jabs his thumb over his shoulder, telling Crowbar that he's out. Crowbar sulks out and Jake takes his place. Jane doesn't issue any trash talk towards Jake, because they're actually friends, and he gets a hit on his second swing, making it to first. Following Jake is Cans, who accidentally breaks his bat with Dad Egbert considers an automatic out. Then, Quarters manages to not get out, and he makes it to first while Jake pushes to third. Finally, Trace strikes out and then two teams switch.

John is up to bat first. He steps up to home plate, hits the ground a few times with his bat, and the points towards center field. A few of the kids burst out laughing, but mostly everyone was confused.

"What's John doing?" Steven questions. "Why is he pointing towards center field?"

"No clue," Lapis admits.

"He's mimicking Babe Ruth," Jane explains.

"Who's that?" Lapis asks.

Jane fake gasps and then explains, "The sultan of swat! The king of crash! The colossus of clout! BABE RUTH, THE GREAT BAMBINO! Smalls, Babe Ruth is the greatest baseball player that ever lived. People say he was less of a god but more than a man."

"Oh," Steven says. He has no more questions for now, except for maybe who 'Smalls' is.

Cans is pitching for the Felt, which is a frightening choice, but John still makes it on his first swing. The ball flies way out into the distance (Steven swears he can see some blue swirls propelling it but he can't be sure because the sky is also blue). Once it's out of view, John leisurely jogs around the plates, since the Felt are just left standing around like fools.

"It's about time John, my clothes are going out of style," Jane tells John when he returns to the sidelines.

"They already are, Jane," John fires back.

"Shut up."

Jane takes over, and misses Cans' first pitch, which she entirely blames on him, "You call that pitching! This is baseball! Not tennis!"

"Man, Jane is getting really into this," Steven comments.

"She's a big fan of Ham Porter," John answers.

"Is that a famous baseball player I've never heard of before?"

"Basically."

Jane does hit it, and ends up on second base. The inning continues, basically going through the entire Gopher's line-up before they have to switch, and the Gophers leader with 7 to 1.

"Wow, they're good," Steven comments.

"They're cheating," Kanaya counters. "With their powers."

"That's terrible!" Steven corrects himself. "Why hasn't Mr. Egbert stopped them?"

"I think he wants to see everyone use their powers," Connie says. "Look, Clover's up. He'll probably use his luck."

"Luck?" Steven questions.

"Yeah, I've listening to Stitch profile the Felt team. What were you doing?"

"Trying to figure out who Ham Porter is."

"Oh."

The game between the Godly Gophers and the Felt ends with the Gophers winning, even though they were closer to a tie at the end with everyone cheating with their powers blatantly by the ninth inning. A second Dave even showed up to trip Itchy and Dad Egbert didn't bat an eyelash. They all switched places with the Crystal Gems and the Trolls, but Steven stops everyone before they can begin to play.

"Can we all agree to not use our powers to cheat?" Steven asks.

"It's not like we have any," Karkat grumbles.

"Says you," Vriska scoffs. Terezi elbows her in the stomach, which causes Vriska to says, "Fuh-ine. I think the most I can do is put you to sleep which will be booooooooring anyways."

Steven's happy with the commitment, "Good, now let's play some ball!"

The Crystal Gems bat first, and like their performance in the game against the Rubies, they're goooood. The Trolls did their best, and it helps that some of them can just float naturally thanks to spritely abilities, but in the end, they weren't able to keep up with the Gems.

Karkat walks over to the bench, huffing after being forced to chase down a ball Garnet knocked out of the park (he didn't have to, it was only Vriska who said so, but no one stopped him before he was out of hearing range). Dave hands him a sports drink and he complains, "I'm gonna die."

"It's just baseball," Dave points out. "But don't tell Jane or John that I said that, I wanna be a part of their over-enthusiastic Sandlot-referencing game."

"Have you even watched that movie?" Karkat asks.

"Hell no. But I don't wanna be left out."

"I get it. Have fun fuckass."

"I'm rooting for you, babe."

The sweet moment is interrupted by the switching of the Teams, since the Gems have gone through their roster, and now it's time for the Trolls to bat.

The Trolls don't do as well. Connie suggests that it's because they still don't understand how to play baseball, but Steven doesn't know. At least he knows they're giving it their all, with the way Karkat and Vriska are yelling at Dad Crocker and Pearl, who's pitching.

"THAT WAS A PIECE A' SHIT PITCH!" Vriska complains, slamming her foot down on home plate. Pearl just shrugs with a cheeky smile and pitches. Steven blinks and he misses it, Vriska's finished her swings but the ball's in Dad Crocker's mitt and he's motioning Vriska off the plate. She screams and stomps back over to the bench.

"Maybe we should have taken Terezi's advice to not play anymore games with Vriska," Jade muses.

"Too late," Rose counters.

Karkat's batting next, and as he steps up to plate, Jane points to Karkat, "That kid is an L, 7, weenie."

"Yeah, yeah," John agrees. "Oscar Myer, even, foot long, dodger dog, a weenie!"

"That's my weenie you're talking about," Dave interrupts.

"I didn't know your dick was on the Troll's Team," Jade teases.

"Well, it does belong to Karkat," Rose adds.

"No, I have partial ownership," Jade counters. "Signed a paper and everything."

"What days of the week do you get it?"

"Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but we share it on Sunday."

"Interesting."

Dave is as red as his custom ink t-shirt, and Steven adds, "I don't think I'm old enough to be hearing this type of stuff."

"You certainly aren't," Rose agrees. "I hope that you don't mind me asking you to politely scram."

Steven relocates, just as Karkat is sent back to the bench and Terezi takes bat. Even though she's blind, she manages to hit the ball, and even more amazing is that she gets to third base.

"BRING ME HOME, KANAYA!" Terezi shouts.

Kanaya nods back as she steps up to the plate. She seems to glow as Pearl pitches and she hit the ball, far away in the right field (where Lapis didn't really bother to catch it). Terezi made it to home, and Kanaya managed to dip and dive around the Gems to reach home too. Maybe things were looking up for the Trolls.

Except that they weren't. Nine innings later and the Gems have won.

"Good game!" Steven declares at the end of it. The Gems and Trolls line up to shake hands, and it goes smoothly (even though Vriska is pouting and mumbling insults under her breath).

"Ok, that was somewhat tolerable," Karkat admits afterwards. "But I don't have to play this shitfaced fucking bullshit of a game again, right?"

"Nah," John answers. "Cuz face it Smalls, you suck."

"Fuck off Egbert."

They take a quick break, and Steven tries to get down to the facts with Jane.

"So," Steven begins. "Who exactly is Ham Porter?"

"You're killing me, Smalls!" Jane exclaims.

"Wait," Karkat interrupts. "I thought that I was Smalls."

"You're both short in height and a bit naive, you both can be Smalls," Jane says. "But I guess by those standards, Peridot could be called Smalls, too."

"Speaking of that," John says as he walks up. "We should have s'mores afterwards! It's almost six anyway, it should definitely be dark enough then to have a bonfire and such."

"Only if Peridot and Lapis don't mind us starting a fire," Steven says.

"Then I'll ask," John replies. He doesn't move, he just shouts at Peridot from across the field, "PERIDOT. I HAVE TO ASK YOU A QUESTION."

"WHAT?" Peridot shouts back.

"CAN WE MAKE A FIRE FOR S'MORES?"

"WHAT?"

"CAN WE MAKE A FIRE FOR S'MORES?"

"I HEARD YOU I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT S'MORES ARE!"

"Oh man," John rubs his hands together. "This is almost too good. COME OVER HERE."

Peridot runs across, so both of them don't have to shout anymore, and asks, "So what are these 's'mores'?"

"You're killing me Smalls!" John exclaims. "These are s'mores stuff! Ok, pay attention. First, you take the graham, you stick the chocolate on the graham. Then you roast the 'mallow. When the 'mallows flaming . . . you stick it on the chocolate. then you cover with the other end. Then you scarf."

"That made no sense," Peridot points out.

John admits, "It would make more sense if we were actually making them. I can repeat that later if you want."

"I guess?" Peridot agrees.

"We gonna play some ball soon?" Amethyst interrupts their s'more chat, getting bored. And they do.

Steven and John flip a coin to see who bats first, and the Godly Gofers win. Steven made the mistake of not asking them about a powers truce, so they instantly begin cheating.

"What should we do?" Steven asks Garnet after they witness John uses the windy thing to blast around the bases.

Garnet shrugs, "Cheat back."

So, they started to cheat, as much as it breaks Stevens heart, but they must level the playing field. When Dave would summon other versions of himself, Pearl would use a holo-Pearl. When Jade teleported around the field, Peridot would use her powers to tie up their laces through the metal aglets. When John blasts around with the windy thing, Lapis uses her water wings to catch a fly ball. When Roxy generates generic objects to trip people up, Amethyst uses her whip to pull the feet right out from under the Godly Gophers. It gets real wild and real hectic very fast.

In the end, even after all the cheating, it ends up tied and everyone is too tired to continue another inning.

"At least we had fun," Steven says, looking at the scoreboard.

"BULLSHIT!" Vriska calls from the background. "I WANNA KNOW WHO WON!"

"All I want right now is some s'mores," John says. He pats Steven's shoulder as he walks away, "But Smalls, you did good. Good game."

"GG everyone!" Dave shouts.

"It was fun," Jane adds. "And I got to make a bunch of Sandlot references, which is always a plus."

"What's the Sandlot?" Steven questions as they all walk away to make s'mores.

"You're killing me Smalls!"

* * *

OK so I haven't started writing the next chapter because I want your guys opinion on what you want to see before we get on to an actual plot (gasp). so here are your options:

a.) Dave and Karkat and eventually everyone else get involved in Pearl's training sessions and there's development (1 chapter)

b.) An acid-trip of a chapter in homage to the famed Uncle Grandpa crossover where, yes, Uncle Grandpa would be there (1 chapter)

c.) D&D (2 chapters)

Honestly, I'm going to do the D&D chaps eventually bc they seem fun to me, but I want to know if any of y'all would prefer the other too as well, or just get straight to the dungeoning and the dragoning and screw everything else. So please, leave a comment with your opinion.

Also just leave a comment in general. My life source currently is comments on my works and I rally appreciate. Good comments help me write faster and better.

And of course, thank-you for reading.


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